I went on the People’s Vote March yesterday. It wasn’t a long day; I left home at 9am and was back by six thirty. When I got home I went straight to bed, and it took me until after 2am to wind down from the sensory overload enough to sleep. #autistic 2/
I can’t really articulate why it took so long to settle down. I just felt ‘bothered’, flustered, on edge. When I eventually attempted sleep my brain replayed the march over and over - the crowds, the noise, people moving around. It was like dreaming, but I was awake. #autistic 3/
Thing is, I hadn’t found the march particularly traumatising at the time - yes it was loud, but I was prepared for that, and put my headphones in when it got too bad. People were lovely - there were lots of them but there was no crowding or jostling, and I didn’t feel unsafe. 4/
Today I feel hungover. I didn’t drink alcohol yesterday, but I feel like my whole body has taken a beating. I’m dehydrated, my head hurts, I’m exhausted despite sleeping til 11. I haven’t got up at all and the only reason I’ve eaten is because my husband has brought me food 5/
I’m not saying this for sympathy - I’m in the privileged position of being able to take the day to rest, and I’ve got a weighted blanket and some crochet. I don’t have to go out and see anyone until tomorrow evening, by which time I should be able to manage two hours peopling. 6/
But when you see us ‘high functioning’ autistics out and about, living life, and advocating for ourselves, don’t think that this is the full story. Don’t underestimate what goes on behind the scenes, the stuff we hide from everyone except a very trusted few. 7/
I would not have eaten today if it wasn’t for my husband, yet I’ve barely managed to speak two words to him. It’s taken me til tea time to have the energy to write this thread - I wanted to do a vlog to show the reality of it but I just can’t manage it right now. 8/
So yeah, I may not have the screaming meltdowns, or the visible stims and tics that you associate with autism. That’s because I turn it all inwards. And when I turn it all inwards and don’t deal with it, or don’t have time to recover properly, I get physically ill. 9/
(Before my diagnosis I used to baffle my doctors by being able to essentially predict when I was going to lose my voice each year (March & August). When I was teaching, I could last til around Feb then I’d be off for three weeks with a chest infection or something. Burn out.) 10/
I know I have a very privileged life, and I have been able to achieve things that will never be possible for some autistic people. I believe there are lots of positive things about my autistic brain, but that doesn’t in any way negate how disabling the condition can be. 11/
I don’t really know how I wanted to finish this thread off, to be honest, and writing it has used up all the energy that I’d managed to claw back today. That’s it really - don’t assume, don’t judge. Be kind. We all have our struggles. #autism #ActuallyAutistic /end
Update: feeling more human now, though still not really up to any peopling yet. It has taken this much crochet to untangle my brain. Thanks for all the love 😊 #AutisticBurnout #autism 
