THREAD: Here’s one really simple line I’ve started using in doctor’s appointments that I really like. Ready?
I look right at them and say, “I don’t want you to feel like you have to give me an answer.”
Note this one isn’t so much for the dickhead doctors - those ones can screw off lol. This for the numerous, numerous doctors who feel so out of their element when a problem (you) shows up that they cannot solve.
I’ve seen how they respond when they don’t have anything left to offer you. Some merely look distressed. Some order tests or prescriptions they really aren’t qualified to order, because they feel they have to satisfy you in some way.
Many will offer a prognosis or hope of recovery - through PT or lifestyle choices - that isn’t realistic. I haven’t met a single complex patient who appreciated this. Most feel they were lied to at best, harmed gravely at worst.
Through trying to reach outside of their scope in order to defuse the discomfort, these doctors are actually setting you up for more disappointment and potential harm.
Once I start to see it happening, I dispense the line. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to give me an answer.”
This line shows that you empathize with the distress they feel at seeing someone in need of help, and assures them that you don’t expect them to be superhuman. It can be disarming.
You can follow up on this by offering ways they can help - “You are helping just by listening and believing me.” “I think Dr. X can help me; do you think you can get me in to see them?” “This paper explains a little more about what I have - would you like this copy?”
And every appointment, I end by asking what *I* can do to make sure the game plan happens. Should I call in a week if that referral didn’t go through? Is mychart better than calling?
Remember that your doctor got to where they are now through pleasing a lot of people. They feel they have to do it to you too, often with dangerous consequences.
You yourself will probably go through a lot of disappointing and sad consults before you finally navigate your way to the person who gets it and can help. Expect it. Hate it. Fight it. But when you’re in that examination room, be realistic, and be kind.
