Next month, all across Britain, people will rouse themselves from the comfort of their sofa, drag on their overcoat and pop out to mark a cross on a bit of paper. After they’ve bought their lottery ticket, some of them will go on to vote in the General Election.
It used to be said that you could stand a pig in a red rosette and they’d get elected in the North, and in 1956, Cicero, a three year old Gloucester Old Spot, found himself accidentally elected to Chorley District Council.
It was almost four months before the mistake was noticed by council officials and the election result was quashed.
Most people have heard of the smaller, fringe parties such as the Monster Raving Loony Party, the Fancy Dress Party and the Lib Dems. But who now recalls the following parties, which once stood candidates in elections?
The UK Science Party was active throughout the 1990s and fought for science, mathematics and engineering to have more funding, skills and political priority. 
Its policies included making science the only subject taught in schools, the withdrawal of all funding for the arts and the provision of free chemistry sets for all boys under eight.
Proposals to make the works of Richard Dawkins compulsory in all primary schools proved popular, but its calls to reintroduce the death penalty for homeopaths who refused to recant and making Professor Brian Cox head of state turned voters away in droves.
Understandably, young people have always been rather annoyed that they can’t have everything they want straight away. In the 1980s, a group of Preston teenagers formed the Young People’s Party.
Campaigning for a minimum wage of £20 per hour for 18 year olds, it also called for the abolition of alarm clocks, tax concessions on alcopops and an annual £100 tattoo allowance for everyone under 21.
Its breakthrough came when three candidates were elected to the South Lancashire District Council in 1989, but they never actually attended any meetings as they were held at 2pm and they were still in bed.
Understandably, many older people get rather annoyed that low interest rates have eroded the income from their savings in the last few years.
The Older People's Party believes it is unfair that, of the half a million UK people who die every year, a staggering 39% are over the age of 85.
They propose to pay scientists to develop new drugs to help people live longer and, one day, become immortal. They have also campaigned for no VAT on biscuits, free ugly (but comfortable) shoes for the over 65s and for more garden centres and golf courses.
Its breakthrough came when three candidates were elected to the East Lancashire District Council in 2007, but they never actually attended any meetings as these were held at 7pm, by which time they had gone to bed.
The British Tripe Party achieved some success in the 1960s and 1970s campaigning against cheap foreign tripe imports and came a very close second in Wigan Wallgate at the 1976 General Election where the UK Spleen Party unfortunately split the offal vote.
The party went into decline for many years, but experienced a resurgence when Mick Griffiths was elected as a Member of the European Parliament in 2002 and it won over fifty seats in Lancashire at the local elections the following year.
The Lancashire People's Party campaigned for Lancashire devolution.
Its policies included the construction of a defensive barrier along the border with Yorkshire, the fortification of Todmorden and the annexation of parts of Cumbria, the Wirral and most of Cheshire (mainly the wealthy bits) to create a ‘Greater Lancashire’.
It was successful in the 1964 General Election with plans to ban the sale of white roses (except on Mothers Day) calls for a 50% import duty on Yorkshire puddings and Wensleydale cheese antagonised many Lancastrians who had come to tolerate these esoteric Yorkshire foodstuffs.
Proposals for a ban on anything featuring The Chuckle Brothers and the performance of Alan Bennett plays proved much more popular.
So there it is – we are likely to have a huge selection of parties to choose from.
Who will we be voting for?
Thankfully, it’s a secret ballot but, for the record, it’s 2, 5, 9, 25, 29 and 37 which are the numbers of our favourite Oldham buses.
Who will we be voting for?
Thankfully, it’s a secret ballot but, for the record, it’s 2, 5, 9, 25, 29 and 37 which are the numbers of our favourite Oldham buses.
