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MY 2020 DIARY - by ALEXANDER BORIS DE PFEFFEL JOHNSON, aged 14 and a half.

JANUARY. BREXIT! Yay!! 😊🇬🇧

FEBRUARY. Tell the plebs how great Brexit is. Yay!

MARCH. Tell new Bank of England guy to make sure enough cash (& Brexit 50pees) is pumped into economy to hold it up Yay!
APRIL. End of Tax Year. make sure all profits from currency speculation are well hidden offshore. Yay!

MAY. Formally remove UK from Human Rights Charter. Yay!

JUNE. Queenie's Birthday Honours List:
Farage✅ Shilton✅Tommeh✅Bercow? Fuck no!!❌Yay!
JULY. Formally tell EU there will be NO EXTENSION! YAY!!

AUGUST. Bring back hanging and National Service. Yay!

SEPTEMBER. Invade Poland...? Yay?

OCTOBER. Invoke Civil Contingencies Act in order to quell Food Riots. 😬
NOVEMBER. Revoke BBC Charter, ban C4 News and Sky News, arrest all Guardian/Observer columnists.
Party with Donald? Yay!

DECEMBER. Relocate to bunker... Boo!
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More from @chriostoir_g see all

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Chris Gray 🇮🇪🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🇪🇺
@chriostoir_g
Let's be honest - you wouldn't send your kids to school for 10 years, if you knew that they were going to be taught subjects by reading newspapers and Facebook posts, and not by using educational reference books, guided by a qualified teacher.
And yet supposedly sensible adult humans rely entirely upon tabloids and social media for their knowledge of the world we live in. And Google - which is okay, if you know how to use Google.
Critical analysis of written work seems to have disappeared from society.
As an example, there's a riddle on Twitter for the last couple of days (the 'Name The Fourth Son' riddle) which seems to prove the point.
A cursory glance will probably lead you to the wrong answer.
Reading it properly will give you the obvious correct answer.
Read 9 tweets
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Chris Gray 🇮🇪🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🇪🇺
@chriostoir_g
So here's the thing:
I'm unbelievably angry & raw at the way #Brexit and #GE2019 went for us pro-EU people.
So angry, I wished all sorts of horror on those who voted for it. "Fuck 'em" I thought - they brought this shit on themselves - they can own it & suffer the consequences.
Then I thought: "Hold on..." because my family and friends would be among those suffering, and I don't want that, even if some of the daft fuckers voted for it.
You don't need to expand that thought much, to realise the number of innocents who would also suffer.
Children, the sick and disabled, #the5million, they don't deserve the hardship that is to come.
It's not about surrender, appeasement, collaboration or any of that shite - it's now about mitigation - helping those who didn't ask for this shitshow and had no say in it.
Read 7 tweets
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Chris Gray 🇮🇪🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🇪🇺
@chriostoir_g
It's not just that successive UK govts haven't understood what the EU is, why it was created and how it works - it's that they don't WANT and have never WANTED to know.
Similarly, when pro-EU entities were putting their case during the GE campaign, they assumed offering facts, logic & reasoned argument to Leave voters would educate and inform them, failing completely to understand that many of those people didn't WANT to be educated or informed.
Pro-EU factions need to take a long hard look at themselves when deciding what to do in the next 5 years. The next 2 or 3 generations may well be outside the EU, as the politics of ignorance holds sway in England & the demonisation of the intellectual elite continues.
Read 5 tweets

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Reality Bites in 2019 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇪🇺
@DanRealityBites
A thread about the marginal seats that will decide the next election..

1. Aberdeen South
Tories ahead, but SNP could overtake them
#TacticalVote

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2. Alyn & Deeside
Labour won last time, but Tories looking strong now
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3. Angus
Conservative seat, SNP within their sights

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Read 54 tweets
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Rod Kelly
@rodkelly50
Do you know what really grinds my gears? Misplaced anger (1/)
The anger of those left behind, those ignored, those disengaged is directed not at the establishment or institutions which propagate inequality, but at the other little guy, the weak, those in need, those needing shelter (2/)
If you see the gap between the have and the have-nots widening, who’s to blame? It’s Europe, it’s migrants, it’s scroungers. It’s definitely not the bankers fucking about with our money in an unregulated system. It’s definitely not corporations paying close to no tax (3/)
Read 15 tweets
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Svetlana Lokhova
@RealSLokhova
Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, King's Scholar at Eton
1986: Johnson as Oxford Union president, in conversation with Greek politician Melina Mercouri
1985: At Viscount Althorp's 21st birthday party with his future wife Allegra Mostyn-Owen (left) and his sister, Rachel
Read 3 tweets
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vbspurs
@vbspurs
Let me explain to you something about the British character.

We often act in eccentric or silly ways to evoke that we, at heart, don’t take ourselves seriously, all the while taking ourselves, our thoughts, and actions very seriously. #BorisDay
We Brits prefer the appearance of the shambolic, the bumbling, the slightly pathetic, the perpetually stammering, the doddering, and the hesitant to the cool efficiency of the Americans, or the surgical precision of the Germans. #BorisDay
This is why #BorisDay was inevitable, for there is no more shambolic, doddering, bumbling, and stumbling British politician than Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson. He might not be the Prime Minister we need. But he is definitely the Prime Minister we deserve.
Read 20 tweets
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Bansi Sharma
@bansisharma
Boris Johnson: Likely to be the Next British Leader
His full name is Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, and he doesn't hold back.

His quotes:
On Burka: "I would say that it is absolutely ridiculous that people should choose to go around looking like letter boxes."

Here's more:
Boris Johnson won the ‘most offensive Erdogan poem’ contest held by the Spectator with this limerick:
“There was a young fellow from Ankara
Who was a terrific wankerer
Till he sowed his wild oats
With the help of a goat
But he didn’t even stop to thankera”
wsj.com/articles/there…
By the way Boris Johnson's great-grandfather was a Turk. Boris struck a blow for free speech by saying, “If somebody wants to make a joke about the love that flowers between the Turkish president and a goat, he should be able to do so, in any European country, including Turkey."
Read 5 tweets

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