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MY 2020 DIARY - by ALEXANDER BORIS DE PFEFFEL JOHNSON, aged 14 and a half.

JANUARY. BREXIT! Yay!! 😊🇬🇧

FEBRUARY. Tell the plebs how great Brexit is. Yay!

MARCH. Tell new Bank of England guy to make sure enough cash (& Brexit 50pees) is pumped into economy to hold it up Yay!
APRIL. End of Tax Year. make sure all profits from currency speculation are well hidden offshore. Yay!

MAY. Formally remove UK from Human Rights Charter. Yay!

JUNE. Queenie's Birthday Honours List:
Farage✅ Shilton✅Tommeh✅Bercow? Fuck no!!❌Yay!
JULY. Formally tell EU there will be NO EXTENSION! YAY!!

AUGUST. Bring back hanging and National Service. Yay!

SEPTEMBER. Invade Poland...? Yay?

OCTOBER. Invoke Civil Contingencies Act in order to quell Food Riots. 😬
NOVEMBER. Revoke BBC Charter, ban C4 News and Sky News, arrest all Guardian/Observer columnists.
Party with Donald? Yay!

DECEMBER. Relocate to bunker... Boo!
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