Thread by @MarkFrancois12

COBRA emergency meeting minutes.

Chaired by Mark Francois at TGI Fridays Basildon.

Present:
@DominicRaab
@MI5
@trussliz
@BritishArmy
@RossKemp
@RoyalAirForce
@RichardHammond
@BritishNavy
@EatKnuckleFritz
@JohnnyMercerUK

Apologies for absence:

@BorisJohnson

First item: Soleimani assassination by @realDonaldTrump.

Francois describes flying the Apache attack chopper to Iraq, despatching Soleimani, chucking a cigar out of the window which blew up an oil refinery and flying home in time for Bargain Hunt. Greeted with table banging.

Vote of confidence in Mark Francois suggested by @DominicRaab.

Ross Kemp goes one further and suggests commendation for a Victoria Cross. Francois humbly declines stating that with the four he already has, he doesn't have space on his camoflauge mantlepiece.

Liz Truss distributes champagne flutes of Monster and Francois screens 633 Squadron with a simultaneous live commentary.

Head of MI5 rudely interrupts and asks what the strategy following the assassination is going to be. Johnny Mercer puts her in headlock and says shut up.

Head of British Army asks similar question about foreign policy and Francois states that the next person who interrupts will be court martialed. Attendees remain respectfully quite until end of film.

Richard Hammond leads a standing ovation for MF 633 commentary.

And states that Francois himself is the modern day incarnation of heroic pilot 'Hoppy Hopkinson' and that the film's final sentiment 'you can't kill a squadron' is never more applicable than today.

Head of MI5, British Army, Navy and RAF ask 'what the fuck does that mean?'

Raab calmly points out that if you can sit through a Mark Francois 633 Squadron seminar and still not know what the UKs foreign policy in the Middle East is, the fault lies with you.

Francois draws to a end and attendees visit the ice cream factory.