Thread by @Mrpossidez

One of the mistakes we make when we love people is to believe that love has the power to automatically change them or make them who they aren’t.

I often tell people, to have peace in a relationship, date a person who strikes you as well mannered. Love is not magic.

#Thread

Date people who, away from love, are nice, kind, concerned, focused and well mannered. That you love each other will not automatically bring these things if they aren’t there.

People get disappointed when they date some people because they never really considered their partners

...outside the whole love, mushy feelings. We expect so much from the people we love because a part of us feels that if a person loves us, they should change, they should ordinarily do the things we complain about them not doing. But love doesn’t work that way.

A person can love you and hurt you so much. Love exists independent of the conditions we place on it and our character or attitude will always interfere with the purity of love.

A person who is lazy by default, lies, doesn’t like being committed to things will not change in love

At least not immediately.

It is often said that no matter how awful people are, love changes them. What people mean to say is “compromise”. Compromise is the greatest test of love but it is not determined by love alone. The ability to compromise is not tied to love alone.

To compromise, a person has to be willing (which is inspired by the love he has for you) and secondly and most importantly, the person has to possess the mental will to compromise. This second factor has nothing to do with love.

I’ll give you an example.

People who forgive their cheating partners compromise a lot. Their moral standards and all. It takes love and a strong mental will to forgive cheating. The willingness may be there but not every one has the will.

If a partner leaves you after you cheat, it’s not love that is...

absent. Mental will cannot be of the same level for everyone. A man can love you so much but he just can’t possess the mental will to stop drinking or smoking for your sake even though the willingness (which is a manifest of love) is there.

The point is, if you want to have your peace and sanity, date people who have the kind of character you consider right. Empathy, thoughtfulness, care, commitment. These things are easy to decide if you don’t rush things most times. Love then heightens them.

What love will not automatically do, is change them or provide what isn’t there.

Even if they try to cover up for these things, time reveals these inadequacies. Protect your mental health in relationships and assess people’s character well before dating them.

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