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Dem candidates in a jug band, sorted by instrument:

- Warren plays the banjo & is great at it, &everyone in the audience keeps reminding you how hard the banjo is to play, & you're like "I know!" but then VH1 doesn't include her in the Behind the Jug Band special, like, at all
- Sanders plays two washboards at once & whenever he gets to do a washboard solo it smacks ass, it's like washboard dream theater up there
- Buttigieg plays the jug but it keeps slipping out of his damp little paws and he catches it with a panicked "oh no, my jug!!" expression

People tell you that it is wrong of you to laugh when he drops the jug but you cannot help yourself
PS he is called "Pete Blew-the-jug" by fans of the jug band
- Biden plays a mouth harp and is actually pretty good at it? You aren't sure if a mouth harp is difficult or easy to play and every time you try to ask, he smiles at you in a way that you do not care for, not one bit
- Bloomberg plays the lap spoons and both the spoons are silver and Warren keeps kicking the spoons out of his hand with her bootheel and yelling GET OFF MY PORCH, YOU VARMINT
- Steyer plays the backup jug and honestly he has to step up quite a lot, Buttigieg (Buttijug, if you will) REALLY struggles to hang on to his jug
- Gabbard has a live possum that she's using like a bagpipe. No one is 100% on whether or not she's actually in the band, but the possum seems content enough.
- Klobuchar is riding up out of the swamp, toward the porch, on the back of a huge alligator that also has sideswept bangs. She has a sword. She's coming for Buttigeig. He hoots on his slippery jug faster and faster as she approaches. He knows true fear
For more good jug band political analysis, sign up for my all-jug-band all-the-time substack, which also occasionally has stories and recipes and whatever (but mostly jug band apologetics)
(There is not actually jug band content on this substack, please for the love of god do not expect me to know things about jug bands)
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