Thread by @funder

I’m watching Trump’s press conference right now, so you don’t have to.

Press conference was supposed to start at 3pm. Trump’s late. Again. He’s holding it in the Rose Garden. Which is the most ridiculous place Trump could announce a national emergency. Dow is up 850 points. Let’s see if it drops after this. Trump still a no show. This is ridiculous.

Trump finally shows up 29 minutes late. Hey Donald, thanks for joining us. Trump looks more orange than usual. Very obvious tanning bed giggle lines. He already mispronounced the word virus. He’s now self congratulating his coronavirus success. This is going badly quickly.

Now Trump is saying everything he’s said about the coronavirus has been 100% correct. That is a lie. Now Trump says he’s saved a lot of lives. Hmm. Trump announces a national emergency. Then says “two very big words.” Ugh.

Trump is listing off things that the national emergency will allow everyone to do. He’s going off script. There is no teleprompter. Now off rails. Trump says “we don’t people to take a test if we feel like people shouldn’t be doing it.” This is not leadership. This is delusional.

Trump is thanking different pharma corporations as if he’s sponsored by them. Makes veiled jab at the initial Obamacare website acting like his coronavirus site is better. Now Trump steps aside for a doctor speaking. Trump awkwardly hovering beside her and swaying like a toddler.

No Dr Tony Fauci comes up. Reality sets in. “We still have a long way to go. There will be many more cases.” What happened to Donald saying this would go away? Oh, that was a lie.

Now Trump is letting them CEOs of Walmart, Walgreens, Target,medical device company, Quest, Roche, Signify, LabCorp, CVS and LHC Group. None of them had anything useful to say. No reason for them to speak.

How many donate to Trump’s campaigns?

This is gross.

Now Pence is speaking. I’m awake, I’m awake. He’s just so boring.

Pence is praising Trump. Saying everything is great about Trump’s response. And Pence now thanking corporations. At the White House. In the Rose Garden. Promoting corporations using coronavirus.

This is gross.

Trump now bragging about how heavily used his coronavirus website is. Trump seems to be tired and bored. Now he’s just saying words off the paper in front of him. Just trying to make it through this. He’s talking like a robot with words that could probably be inspiring. Sad.

“No nation is more prepared.” Trump says. That’s a lie. Now he’s taking questions. Trump starts by attacking Democrats. Says “they aren’t giving enough.” Pathetic.

When asked about testing, Trump talked in a circle and had no specific plan. He says he will give an update and says millions of tests will be ready soon. No specifics and not reassuring. Trump says he may also ban travel from the UK and add other countries.

Trump bows tries to place blame on others in the administration for disbanding the Obama pandemic response team. He calls the question about why he disbanded it “nasty.” Then had staff take mic away from reporter and tried to move on. Now Trump rambling. And praising himself.

Now Trump talking about studying and memorizing things about laws. Regarding the coronavirus. This is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Seriously. Trump’s acting like he was with the Brazilian staffer for only seconds. So he couldn’t have caught coronavirus. Umm... who wants to tell him?

Question about hand sanitizer drought comes up and Trump moves away from podium to the side with hope someone else stepped up. Realizes he needs to answer it. He obviously doesn’t know. Trump’s done. That was excruciating. I feel gross. I’m gonna shower.