Thread by @mynamesnotgordy

Stuff I learnt about the COVID on the Twitter this week:

1. In an innovative response to the challenges of self-isolation and physical distancing, Alberta's Minister of Health starts making house calls
2. A 12-pack of toilet paper is now more valuable than a barrel of AB crude

3. Scheer takes credit for crafting the national financial relief package before realizing this makes him a bona fide socialist
4. Doug announces "Price gougers will be punished!" Business and personal vehicles of those caught will be fitted with the Blue Licence Plate of Shame

5. After announcing he won't be sending needed medical equipment to Michigan, Trump takes himself out of the imaginary Michigan Man of Year award competition he pretends he's won four times
6. Sam Oosterhoff wins fight to have driveway corn stands listed as Essential Services

7. Kenney faces backlash after gratuitous photo opp of him wearing a mask and handing out brown-bag lunches to Homeless. In unrelated news, 45 Alberta doctors report their lunches and surgical masks stolen from their lockers
8. Gas is now 60 cents a litre. Rex Murphy is furious.

9. In an unprecedented attempt at a power grab, Trudeau moves his father's original draft of the Charter of Rights from the den into the living room
10. Peter MacKay announces his plan to host the CPC leadership convention in his dad's garage
11. Coffee Filter Surgical Masks™

12. Thousands of Service Canada staff leave their jobs citing on-the-job exposure risks and then bring down the EI website while simultaneously logging on to apply for benefits
13. Doug releases list of Essential Services. Toronto band 'The Beaches' the only ones not on the list

14. Doug announces cottage country is closed. Announces million-dollar relief package for staff at the Muskoka Visitors' Kiosk. Mavis is thrilled.
15. Shandros agrees to take anger management therapy only after he confirms it's covered by his wife's private health insurance plan

16. Trump suggests he'll station troops at the Canadian border. Says he's concerned poorly treated Tim Hortons employees will attempt illegal entry.
17. Conrad Black writes that COVID-19 is all a hoax. Says it was invented by the Zoom and GoToMeeting liberal industrial complex.

18. Asked why he's calling a web page with links to 3rd-party sites, "Ontario's learning portal and learning platform!" Lecce says if students click every link on the page they receive a CompSci degree
19. Erin O'Toole will be taking Canada back at a date TBD
20. Damn carbon tax

21. Netflix knocks down pic resolution in Canada due to huge server demand in US. In other news, Scheer uses his US address to log into Netflix to watch Paw Patrol.
22. ON's Ministry of Health releases new "cutting edge COVID prevention training video!"...