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Michael Deacon @MichaelPDeacon
, 3 tweets, 1 min read Read on Twitter
We live in remarkable times
Journalist: "Will you guarantee that you won't resign from the Cabinet this year?"
Boris Johnson: "Well... look, you know... we're all very lucky to serve"
Sometimes I write a parody of a politician’s speech, and people assume he really said it. Other times, I write down something a politician really said, and people assume it’s a parody.

This one is not a parody. My sketch, on Boris Johnson and carrots: telegraph.co.uk/politics/2018/…
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More from @MichaelPDeacon see all

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Bought a second-hand copy of the Penguin Dictionary of Historical Slang (1937) and it's the finest 10p I ever spent
So many beautiful old words and phrases that are ripe for revival
Poetry
Read 17 tweets
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Glorious quotes from David Davis's past: number 94 in a never-ending series telegraph.co.uk/politics/2018/…
Up there with his warning from 1985 about "big projects" that fail because of poor planning and "skimpy feasibility studies" telegraph.co.uk/politics/2018/…
...and his speech from 2002 in which he warned the Commons about the dangers of poorly thought-out referendums google.co.uk/amp/s/www.tele…
Read 3 tweets
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Jacob Rees-Mogg was supposed to board the Brexit fishing boat at Embankment pier. But he's just been told he's not allowed on because no one asked TFL's permission
Blocked from boarding his Brexit boat, Jacob Rees-Mogg is now having to walk to Parliament instead
A cyclist stops at the side of the road to inform Jacob Rees-Mogg that he (Jacob Rees-Mogg, not the cyclist) is "our next prime minister"
Read 14 tweets

Related threads

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THREAD - On this historic occasion, let us recall some of what was promised specifically on this deal:

“There will be no downside to Brexit, only a considerable upside.”

David Davis
10 October 2016
“Getting out of the EU can be quick and easy – the UK holds most of the cards.”

John Redwood
July 17 2016
“The free trade agreement that we will have to do with the European Union should be one of the easiest in human history.”

Liam Fox
20 July 2017
Read 17 tweets
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Hello everyone, welcome to @Nairametrics Corporate News roundup for the week ended September 22, 2018. This thread is brought to you by @BluechipTechNG

Thread starts here
As usual, kindly indulge us by retweeting the first tweet of this thread so others on your timeline won't miss out. Feel free to comment as your insights make this thread even more informative

We begin...
1.We begin with news of a surprise takeover of Skye Bank by the CBN. The CBN announced that it has revoked the license of the bank with immediate effect.
Read 57 tweets
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This has played on my mind for a few months now because the conversation keeps popping up between myself & a handful of close friends. I am regularly & consistently asked how I made changes in my life. Referring to the last 3 years & specifically the last 6 months (all of 2018).
Change wasn’t easy for me. But the choice to change WAS. Let’s deal with the drugs and #ChemSex stuff first. I eventually began to emerge from some crippling emotional trauma in 2015. My reality was not as bad as it had previously been.
Then the whole #HIV thing happened which very quickly sparked the whole #PrEP thing. I very unexpectedly found myself working intensely and passionately on something I cared about. That I loved. There was a responsibility that came with it. The responsibility not to screw it up.
Read 18 tweets
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Adults gotta adult, or there's just not going to *be* adults anymore.

The intelligence community actually knows this. Rex Tillerson commented, he sure knows this. Adults *know*.

You are what you do. You are what you don't do. We are all what we're all doing, or not.

Yikes.
And if you think adulting is *just* doing the scary thing, like, that's how you know it's a good idea, you're afraid to do it.

No.

Sometimes a thing is scary because it's a really bad idea.

Respect your fears. Face them. Choose them. Conquer the *right* ones.

Or be stupid.
We don't teach this well, people don't know this well, I'm gonna suggest that might not be a coincidence, or a remotely isolated case.

But heh, math scores are up.
Read 9 tweets
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#LIVE ⚡️WATCH NOW 🚨#BreakingNews @POTUS @RealDonaldTrump Meets newly released Prisoners Arriving from North Korea H/T @GST_Politics #MAGA #KAG 🇺🇸
.@POTUS & @FLOTUS have just arrived at Andrews Air Force Base and have disembarked Marine One our US Presidential helicopter. @VP @SecondLady arrived shortly before them. #LIVE ⚡️WATCH NOW 🚨H/T @GST_Politics #MAGA #KAG 🇺🇸
#BreakingNews ⚡️The three American detainees have landed. Kim Dong Chul, Kim Hak Song & Tony Kim. @realDonaldTrump is going to be greeting them along with @FLOTUS @VP & @SecondLady and accompanying entourage. Plane doors have now opened. H/T @GST_Politics #MAGA #KAG #NorthKorea
Read 17 tweets
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#LIVE NOW: @NAVSURFOR VADM Tom Rowden speaks at #SNA2018
VADM Rowden: We are the preeminent Navy on the face of the Earth. We are the preeminent Surface Navy on the face of the Earth. That is not given, that is earned.
VADM Rowden: #SurForStrategy describes the return to #SeaControl, which is the timeless & universal purpose of the @USNavy. It also highlights the implementation of #DistributedLethality as an operational & organizational principle for achieving & sustaining sea control. #SNA2018
Read 24 tweets

Trending hashtags

#LegCo2018 #boris #instantpayments #ForwardDeployed #products #MSC2018 #PrEP #LCS #ChemSex #BreakingNews #srb #comment #SMWDC #know #USNavy #ItsTime #TrumpRussia #HIV #StableGenius #store #MAGA #SeaControl #USSFitzgerald #LIVE #r4today

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