Thread by @swardley

X: We do LeanAgile.
Me: Excellent. Can you tell me about your user needs?
X: Sure, we have our user stories and customer journey.
Me: This was written with your users?
X: No, we wrote it.
Me: Hmmm. Do you use your product?
X: Ourselves? No.
Me: Ah. That explains a lot.

Me: I would suggest you convert from LeanAgile to SpotifyAgile
X: Is there such a thing?
Me: I'm sure if you paid someone enough there would be.
X: That's not very helpful.
Me: Neither is pretending to understand user needs when you don't actually talk to any users.

X: That's not how this works. We build something and then A/B test around it. That way it gets better.
Me: Ah, a random walk.
X: No, we have an opinion.
Me: Based on what? Your own staff don't even use your own product.

X: We can't waste time on this. Delivery is the strategy. Execution is key.
Me: Have you considered adding some AI, maybe a blockchain?
X: We're considering potential uses, yes.
Me: Good. In a world of meme driven development, a little bit of blockchain always helps.

X: I don't like your sarcasm.
Me: You mean you don't like anyone questioning what you're doing. You don't like the challenge.
X: That's not true, we believe in transparency.
Me: No you don't. I've been where you are. I've been that impostor CEO. It's ok once you realise ...

... that almost everyone is an impostor CEO, almost everyone is making it up, almost everything is gut feel, meme copying and magic thinking. Accepting what you are is the first step to solving the problem and asking others for help.

X: I suppose you going to recommend that we pay you to help us?
Me: No. I'll recommend you start by asking your users to help you. Try something radical like talking to them or using your own product. On the question of payment, who should I send the invoice to?