Thread by @BarristerSecret

🎵That’s what I go to school for
Even though it is a real bore
You can call me crazy,
I know that she craves me.
That’s what I go to school for
Even though it is a real bore
Girlfriends I’ve had plenty
None like Miss Mackenzie🎵

Oh Busted. We have legal problems. [THREAD]

Busted are each of them schoolboys. One of them, Charlie, is as of the date of this song 17 years old. (No I shan’t apologise for knowing that.) This has particular legal ramifications, as we shall see. But let’s start at the beginning:

🎵 Her voice is echoed in my mind
I count the days 'til she is mine
I can't tell my friends coz they will laugh
I love a member of the staff🎵

This is sweet enough. A teenage crush, nothing more. We’ve all been there. No harm no foul.

But wait.

🎵 And I fight my way to the front of class
To get the best view of her ass
I drop a pencil on the floor
She bends down and shows me more...🎵

This is not cool, Busted. It’s not criminal, but it’s definitely not ok. A warning sign of what’s to follow.

🎵 So she may be thirty-three
But that doesn't bother me🎵

Well it should. You are inciting her to commit a criminal offence contrary to s.16(1) of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 (sexual activity with a child by person in position of trust).

🎵Her boyfriend's working out of town
I find a reason to go 'round🎵

Given the sentiments expressed before, we have a course of acts which are associated with stalking within the meaning of section 2A Protection from Harassment Act 1997. Not good.

🎵 I climb a tree outside her home
To make sure that she's alone
I see her in her underwear
I can't help but stop and stare🎵

WTAF, Busted???? This might be the most awful verse in music history. As well as a clear offence of voyeurism contrary to s.67 of the SOA 2003.

Before we move on to the final verse, take another second to appreciate how unbelievably sinister Busted’s behaviour is here. Tracking a lone woman to her home, isolating her and watching through a window.

Yet we as a country made this a Number One hit. Just think about that.

🎵 Everyone that you teach all day
Knows you're looking at me in a different way
I guess that's why my marks are getting so high🎵

Oh. Plot twist.

🎵I can see those telltale signs
Telling me that I was on your mind
I could see that you wanted more when you told me
I'm what you go to school for🎵

Let’s hope this is in Busted’s head, and that Miss M is not actually interested in her young stalkers.

🎵 She's packed her bag, it's in the trunk
Looks like she's picked herself a hunk
We drive past school to say goodbye
My friends they can't believe their eyes🎵

Oh good. Now *everybody’s* going to prison. You’re all as bad as each other.

The absolute state of this.

CONCLUSION: Convictions all round. Nobody comes out of this well. And I’m fairly sure this song couldn’t be written in 2018. However banging a tune it may be.

NEXT TIME: A genealogist explains why your “great great great granddaughter” would be long dead by the year 3000. [ENDS]