The stages of my Mormon faith crisis:
1. This new evidence I’m encountering is false, twisted, or of the devil. Anger. Defensiveness. Fear I refuse to acknowledge.
1. This new evidence I’m encountering is false, twisted, or of the devil. Anger. Defensiveness. Fear I refuse to acknowledge.
2. Double down on existing beliefs. None of that stuff matters because the gospel is TRUE - the Spirit and my experiences prove that.
3. Shoot, there’s more of it? Look for answers - certain there’s an explanation for all of it.
4. How much more of this is there? And how is all of it coming from Mormon sources?
5. Why are FAIR Mormon and other apologetic defenses so intellectually dishonest and contradictory? And completely different from church narrative? Overwhelmed. Try to ignore it all because it’s not helping me and I don’t want to lose my faith - it’s my worst nightmare.
6. Slowly adjust beliefs to make new evidence that cannot be denied “fit” with the gospel being true. Start believing current LDS Church must be off the rails a bit etc. because there’s literally no other way for it all to make sense together.
7. Desperately cling to final (yet as of right now, still relatively unexamined in the grand scheme of evidence available) belief that Joseph Smith was a prophet who restored the gospel.
8. Terrified, barely hanging on, avoid all evidence that now seems to demonstrate the church’s falsity, even though it’s “church-approved” (though out of mainstream circulation)
9. No longer able to do enough mental gymnastics to make it all still true. There’s too much & none of it and constructing a logical narrative in which the church is true is impossible - it’s all too contradictory. Pray harder than I’ve ever prayed for help. None comes.
10. Finally lose all ability to justify it all. Allow myself to read anything, even “anti-Mormon” websites. Realize what a fraud Joseph Smith was, and how deeply, deeply damaging polygamy was. (And how much he lied about it.) Feel morally repulsed and heartbroken.
11. Euphoric because it all finally makes sense, devastated because the church is my entire world and my worst nightmare has come true.
12. Grieving. Lots of grieving.
13. Some time later, peace. More happiness than I’ve ever known. Forgiveness of those who did evil and dishonest things by recognizing that we’re all just the products of our genetics and experiences. New, more rewarding spirituality through understanding my own conditioning.
