Thread by @MatthewWRossi

Another tweet that will likely not be seen by the people it's for, but fuck it.

Young guys. You liked someone, worked up the courage to say something, and got rejected. Maybe they were even really mean about it. You're not wrong to be hurt or angry.

Here's how to deal with it.

Step one - extricate yourself. Get away from the situation. Don't escalate the contact, don't swear or scream or call them names. Get to a place you feel secure as soon as you can. You don't have to go run to a closet, but you CAN if you need to.

Step two - don't make this about your personal worth. Whether or not someone likes you back is completely and totally out of your control. You don't know what their life is like, what they're thinking. If the rejection was polite, take it politely and move on.

If the rejection was cruel, distance yourself from that person immediately. They are not someone you want to be around. Make sure you handle yourself, because you are literally the only part of this interaction you have control over.

Step Three - find your support. This doesn't mean "Find a group of assholes who will mock your pain" or "Find people who will tell you what a bitch/asshole your intended person was" because that's not helpful. This is about you being hurt and needing help. And that's okay.

It's not okay to become a frothing asshole but it IS okay to admit that it hurts. It's painful to step up and say "I like you" to someone and be rejected. Learning how to process this is important, and no two people handle it the same way.

And you know what? I'll even say what most people won't.

It is okay to be selective in who you let see you hurting. If you repress it around most people? That's not bad, if that's what you need to do to get through. That's why knowing who you CAN trust to be supportive is good

Finally, don't let this poison you.
You'll likely get rejected often, for a variety of reasons. Some you can work on. Some you can't. None of it means that you need to buy into bullshit like Pick Up Artists or Incel rhetoric. That shit is idiotic. It reduces people to things.

No two human beings, whatever their genders are, whatever their sexualities are, can ever be predicted with absolute accuracy. No one is a thing. No one is just a collection of body parts with a built-in emotional sewage dump for you to vent into. And you would hate that anyway

It's easy to let this kind of pain fester. I get it. There's no one telling you anything about how to deal with it and it fucking rips you apart and you just want it to stop. You can get through it without becoming a shitbag. Don't listen to people telling you otherwise.

Always pay attention to context. If someone's advice to you on rejection turns an entire class of people into subhuman objects? They're assholes. There's a huge difference between "Wow, I can't believe they treated you like that, that's bullshit" and that.

A friend should care about you being hurt and how to help you, not about making points or teaching you how to mistreat others. This isn't about them, or the entire group that they are a part of, it's about you. You feeling hurt? That's totally natural. That's your right.

I want that to be emphasized, especially for young men who may not know it - it's your right to be hurt. It's not your right to hurt others or lash out or try and use people to feel better, but no one gets to tell you not to hurt. That's yours.

"Okay, but how do I fucking deal with it? How do I get through this?"

Well, you may not like this, but if you can, consider crying.

"What?"

Seriously, it fucking helps. I'm not saying "Bawl your eyes out the second it happens" but if you can find a safe place to do it? Do it.

I know we all act like we're fucking robots and nothing bothers us and that Vulcans are the ideal representation of logical, emotionless men, but let's face it - we're fucking emotionally crippled because no one ever tells us how to vent and we hold shit in until we explode.

You don't have to do that.

Go write shit down in a journal. Go engage in a contact sport with some friends. Practice a hobby for a while. And yes, if you can do it safely (IE where you won't draw assholes down on you to make you feel worse) go ahead and cry.

When my mom died? Yeah, I cried. A lot. And it did help.
Every time a relationship has ended? Yep. Wept. Because it helps. It's a safety valve for stress. Your emotions feel like they're ripping you apart? Vent them. It's that simple.

I'm also not saying you should be weeping at every skinned knee or harsh word someone says to you. Everyone is different and if you prefer stoicism, that's not at all a wrong choice. But if you're really suffering? Use the tools you have, and crying is one of them.

Another tool is distraction. Go see a movie. Go listen to music that you know will put you in a different frame of mind. Play a video game. It's okay to let yourself NOT think about it. It's okay to think about random, trivial shit.

If you feel miserable because you told someone you liked them and they said "Hahah no" then it's good to go play D&D and kill some dragons for a while. It's okay to do whatever you need to do that isn't harmful to you or someone else. Get a tattoo. Listen to Babymetal. Live.

Oh, and as a PS

Don't dwell on it. Yes, it's your pain, and you're allowed to hurt. But don't pick at it. Don't go over it in your head. Don't give that person another thought. Accept it and move on as fast as you can. Don't let them have any more of your time or thoughts