For fun, and since it's the middle of the night, I'm going to tweet my general response to much of the feedback I have gotten that you all cannot see.
We can label this twitter rant "if you think I'm dramatic or stupid, pretend someone hyper manly like @TheRock is talking"
We can label this twitter rant "if you think I'm dramatic or stupid, pretend someone hyper manly like @TheRock is talking"
I had mostly forgotten this part of being a woman since I became an attorney, since at my hourly rate people (usually) stop treating you like you are stupid.
I got to skip the bit where people treat you like a secretary because I am a solo attorney, so that would be weird.
I got to skip the bit where people treat you like a secretary because I am a solo attorney, so that would be weird.
I didn't go to college until my late 20s, and have neither a high school diploma nor a GED.
I also happen to be a woman.
This meant I had a whole decade+ of my adult life mostly getting treated like I wasn't particularly competent at life.
I also happen to be a woman.
This meant I had a whole decade+ of my adult life mostly getting treated like I wasn't particularly competent at life.
I will periodically wax poetic about this period of my life when I have clearly annoyed my husband by mentioning at what he finds to be a bothersome time that I am an attorney.
I freely admit I will throw it out when it feels like someone is treating me like I am stupid.
I freely admit I will throw it out when it feels like someone is treating me like I am stupid.
It's not even conscious most of the time.
Similarly, when someone tells me I don't understand a rudimentary economic principle and I'm like "dude, I have a MBA".
Degree poker is a mansplaining auto-response for many women.
Similarly, when someone tells me I don't understand a rudimentary economic principle and I'm like "dude, I have a MBA".
Degree poker is a mansplaining auto-response for many women.
This hypothetical did not happen in my 20s, but most definitely could have.
I'm picking a nice innocuous hypo to explain to you how jumping into national level politics feels like when you are all competent and whatnot, but also happen to be a woman.
I'm picking a nice innocuous hypo to explain to you how jumping into national level politics feels like when you are all competent and whatnot, but also happen to be a woman.
Last disclaimer...I know, I know, not all men. I love men. I'm married to a man. I have 2 sons.
Yes, not all men do this. It is a subset of men, and a few choice women, but almost entirely men.
Yes, not all men do this. It is a subset of men, and a few choice women, but almost entirely men.
To our hypo...
Picture a house.
Next to the house is a BBQ.
These are all the things I could say over the course of this scenario and the reactions I would expect to get.
Picture a house.
Next to the house is a BBQ.
These are all the things I could say over the course of this scenario and the reactions I would expect to get.
Me: that bbq is sort of close to the house
Him: I know how to bbq. Why do you feel like you can tell me how to bbq.
Me: you are right, I hate it when I'm micromanaged.
Him: I know how to bbq. Why do you feel like you can tell me how to bbq.
Me: you are right, I hate it when I'm micromanaged.
Me: are you sure you want to light that with gasoline?
Him: I know how to bbq.
Me: are you sure?
Him: you are really bossy, I don't see you bbqing
Me: well, I could if you want me to
Him: why don't you go make a potato salad?
Bbq gets lit.
Him: I know how to bbq.
Me: are you sure?
Him: you are really bossy, I don't see you bbqing
Me: well, I could if you want me to
Him: why don't you go make a potato salad?
Bbq gets lit.
Bbq gets REALLY lit.
Me: those flames are pretty high. We should contain that.
Him: it's just burning off the gas, it's fine. You don't know how fire works.
Me: I'm pretty sure I understand the general concept of fire. That fire is now several feet higher than the bbq.
Me: those flames are pretty high. We should contain that.
Him: it's just burning off the gas, it's fine. You don't know how fire works.
Me: I'm pretty sure I understand the general concept of fire. That fire is now several feet higher than the bbq.
Him: you are really being a bitch, no wonder you are single
Me: cool, but seriously, that fire is like 6 inches from the eaves of the house
Him: you really don't think I know how to bbq don't you?
Me: well, um...it is starting to look like that
Me: cool, but seriously, that fire is like 6 inches from the eaves of the house
Him: you really don't think I know how to bbq don't you?
Me: well, um...it is starting to look like that
Him: you are so dramatic
Me: I'm going to go get some water and maybe a fire extinguisher
Also, like 3 inches now
Him: you don't have to raise your voice, you're so shrill
Me: my voice isn't raised, you are going to catch the house on fire, at least pull the bbq away
Me: I'm going to go get some water and maybe a fire extinguisher
Also, like 3 inches now
Him: you don't have to raise your voice, you're so shrill
Me: my voice isn't raised, you are going to catch the house on fire, at least pull the bbq away
Go get a glass of water, come back.
Me: the flames are actually licking the house now
Him: it's fine
Me: doesn't look fine
Him: it'll die down
Me: the house is smoking
Him: that's just the bbq
Me: no, it's the bbq setting the house on fire
Me: the flames are actually licking the house now
Him: it's fine
Me: doesn't look fine
Him: it'll die down
Me: the house is smoking
Him: that's just the bbq
Me: no, it's the bbq setting the house on fire
This is annoying just typing, so fast forward to the house being a smouldering pile of rubbish and a firefighter saying "ma'am why didn't you call us sooner"
Then bbq guy puts an arm in front of me stepping toward the pile of ash that was once a house.
Then bbq guy puts an arm in front of me stepping toward the pile of ash that was once a house.
Then bbq guy wants credit for saving me from certain peril of walking to surveil the damage.
Me: (now raised voice) you burned the house down!
Him: I don't know why you are blaming me, it would have been fine if the wind hadn't picked up. You are histrionic.
Me: (now raised voice) you burned the house down!
Him: I don't know why you are blaming me, it would have been fine if the wind hadn't picked up. You are histrionic.
Two weeks later in a group of mutual friends.
Them to me: it's so sad you lost your house
Him: you really should have better fire insurance
Me: (unrestrained yelling) YOU BURNT MY HOUSE DOWN TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
Him: why do you keep blaming me for this?
Them to me: it's so sad you lost your house
Him: you really should have better fire insurance
Me: (unrestrained yelling) YOU BURNT MY HOUSE DOWN TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
Him: why do you keep blaming me for this?
Them to him: it's not your fault bro
Them to me: we're going to head out...you've made this awkward. Maybe see someone? You are really angry and it's not healthy. Smile more and maybe things will turn around.
Them to me: we're going to head out...you've made this awkward. Maybe see someone? You are really angry and it's not healthy. Smile more and maybe things will turn around.
This is what participating in politics feels like when you are a woman objectively qualified for the job, who has demonstrated skills the others in the race have not.
See a voice coach.
Wear cuter dresses.
Maybe some flirty heels?
Have you thought of a perm? (No one should get a perm after 1998, no one)
Don't go at the men too aggressively, you don't want to look like a hag.
If you would only lose a few pounds, you'd be competitive.
Wear cuter dresses.
Maybe some flirty heels?
Have you thought of a perm? (No one should get a perm after 1998, no one)
Don't go at the men too aggressively, you don't want to look like a hag.
If you would only lose a few pounds, you'd be competitive.
Quit trivializing objectively qualified women.
Stop it.
Quit sending us threats and hate mail.
Quit telling us we are ruining it for men who are less qualified and a worse fit for the job.
Cover us in the media.
If you see the media skipping us, speak up.
Stop it.
Quit sending us threats and hate mail.
Quit telling us we are ruining it for men who are less qualified and a worse fit for the job.
Cover us in the media.
If you see the media skipping us, speak up.
I cannot change you.
You have to change you.
I can tell you what is wrong, but you must act.
If we want better, more kind, more functional government, we must each personally do one thing every day to make it a thing.
Think of what small thing you can personally do today.
You have to change you.
I can tell you what is wrong, but you must act.
If we want better, more kind, more functional government, we must each personally do one thing every day to make it a thing.
Think of what small thing you can personally do today.
I have volunteered for hate mail duty, to hear about my hair being all wrong, and to be reminded how fun it is to be dismissed for mentioning a house is on fire.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Ps - there have been amazing women knocked out at primaries because they lacked support/coverage.
I am *so* sick of hearing "they aren't going to cover you just because you are a woman".
Cover me because I'm qualified.
Don't dismiss me because I'm a woman.
I am *so* sick of hearing "they aren't going to cover you just because you are a woman".
Cover me because I'm qualified.
Don't dismiss me because I'm a woman.
Don't dismiss me because I haven't fundraised and therefore don't report. Money is a *horrible* measure of being qualified for government service.
How many of you pundits have lamented that Citizens United sucks, we have to get $ out of politics?
Maybe cover someone doing it?
How many of you pundits have lamented that Citizens United sucks, we have to get $ out of politics?
Maybe cover someone doing it?
