A few more stories, in the "Gospel of Peter" (discovered in 1886), Jesus doesn't just rise from the dead. Two angels first appear, then after he rises, the angels heads "reached to heaven", and Jesus head "overpassed the heavens". Also, a cross is following them (and it speaks).
In the Book of Enoch, the explanation for the great flood is that fallen angels had sex with humans, who gave birth to giants "whose height was three hundred ells." The giants then eat the humans, then ate "birds, and beasts and reptiles and fish" before eating each other.
The "Infancy Gospel of Thomas" covers baby Jesus' exploits. J.C is a total bully and weirdo in it. He kills a boy when he's just one because the boy disperses water that Jesus has collected. Then he kills another who accidentally bumps into him (or throws a stone, or punches him)
Also, Jesus strikes his parents' neighbors blind when they complain about his bully miracles to his parents. Then he is rude to his teacher (he tries to teach him instead), but he reforms and starts healing and resurrecting people. Also he makes clay birds and gives them life.
In "The Greater Questions of Mary", Jesus takes Mary Magdalene to a mountain. Then he makes a woman from his side, has sex with her, and eats his own semen. Mary faints, then Jesus wakes her up and asks "O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt."
In the Gospel of Pseudo-Matthew Mary and Joseph try to hide in a cave but find it is full of dragons. Jesus is one month old but he walks over to the dragons, stares them down and they "retired." Then he turns to his mum and says "Do not consider me to be a little child."
In the Acts of John, he sleeps in an inn but his bed is full of bedbugs so naturally he tells the bugs "behave yourselves" and they leave the inn. They wait outside the door until the next day for John to let them back in; he's a nice guy and doesn't care about anyone else.
The Acts of Peter is a proper fantasy story, where Peter battles wizards and most importantly one called Simon Magus. Peter makes a dog talk and Simon flies to the sky. Peter can't, so he prays to God to make Simon fall and break his leg in 3 places. Which God, dutifully, does.
In the Apocalypse of Stephen, an angel keeps saving the first Christian martyr (first from a crucifixion, then from a time when seven men pour molten lead in his mouth). Finally, his enemies just stone him. And he dies this time.
In the Apocalypse of Peter, we see hell when Peter is on a guided tour. Murderers are tormented by snakes, while women who have had abortions have their eyes set on fire, and they keep drowning in a lake full of blood with their unborn babies sitting above and crying. 0_o
In the Book of Tobin, a bird shits in the titular characters eyes and he goes blind. He sends his son Tobias to collect on a loan. Tobias is joined by Raphael, an angel. A fish then tries to swallow Tobias foot, but Raphael tells him to kill it and harvest it's organs.
Funny enough that's not even the main story. That one is about the demon Asmodeus who has a terrible crush on a woman called Sarah. He's killed seven of her husbands on their wedding day. Raphael tells Tobias about Sarah, who is his cousin, and they get married.
This story ends up relatively well. When Tobias torches the fish guts he harvested earlier, the demon is banished to Upper Egypt. Tobias then goes back to his father with the ashes, and heals his eyes.
The Book of Judith has 16 chapters. In it, Judith is a gorgeous widow and also a badass. She is angry that her fellow Jews don't trust God to save them. So she sneaks into the enemy camp with the promise of intel, waits until their leader is drunk, and cuts off his head.
There is another book where Mary's vagina burns a doubting midwife's hand. Jesus doesn't travel down the birth canal, he appears in a bright cloud and in a flash of light, he's in Mary's arms. The midwife doubts Mary's virginity, so Mary let's her check, and her hand is on fire
In it the midwife Mary and Joseph get goes and tells the story of Jesus's dramatic birth to a friend called Salome. It's Salon's hand that's torched when she goes to check Mary's virginity but luckily for her, an angel tells her to touch baby Jesus. And she gets a new hand!
The Book where this story is told was left out by Pope Innocent I. Centuries later, Thomas Aquinas said it couldn't possibly be true because...how could there have been a midwife at Jesus' birth (no really, that's the part he found most offensive).
There's a lost book by the Bishop Papias in which he writes that after Judas betrayed Jesus, he started to bloat, his eyes sank and his penis swell so much it looked like he was going to explode. Oh, and he had maggots all over his body by the time he died.
In the Apocalypse of Baruch is a continuation of a tale mentioned in Job (about the creature Behemoth and the sea monster Leviathan). In it the Apocalypse is 12 torments, after which the two monsters appear and the survivors eat their flesh.
In the Testament of Abraham, God tells Abraham when he's going to die. But Abe keeps trying to escape his own death. Death comes for him. Abe demands to see Death's 14 faces, which kills 7000 people. The book is mostly about the faces so God resurrects the dead people in the end.
In The Revelation of the Magi, the wise men see the star (that they follow in the common Bible) descend from the sky. It has baby arms, and it talks to them.
In the Book of Jubilees (considered canonical by Ethiopian Orthodox Church and Ethiopian Jews), Cain marries his sister Awan-one of Adam and Eve's nine kids.
It also has the fallen-angel-has-sex-with-humans-and-produces-giants angle as an explanation the Great Flood.
1Maccabees has war drama galore. It begins with Alexander the Great conquering Judea, then being succeeded by Antiochus IV. Antiochus conquers Egypt and Jerusalem and forces Jews to worship idols. They rebel. Then 1000 people die because they won't fight on the Sabbath.
Judas Maccabeus becomes our hero. He seeks an alliance with Romans to fight the Greeks, then his brother Jonathan succeeds him (and makes an alliance with Sparta). Then Simon comes, until he's killed by assassins sent by Ptolemy.
In the Nam Hammadi Library, a series of texts discovered in 1945, is the "Paraphrase of Shem", in it there are 3 great powers: Light, Spirit and darkness. Light is the power of reason, darkness is the power of chaos, and spirit stands between them.
In it is the epic tale of Dardekeas who descends into earth in disguise to save the Spirit from the Darkness so the world can be connected to the Light. 0_o
Another book from the same library, Allogenes, begins with the titular character's son talking to an angel about a being more powerful than God (this greater deity embodies Vitality, Mentality and That-Which-Is).
Also in the Gospel of Thomas, Jesus talks about coming down to earth and finding everyone drunk. The verse ends with "When they are thrown off their wine, they will repent." Which sounds like both a challenge and threat. 🤔
