Thread by @jon_snow_420

please crowdfund My Hillary Biopic #MyHillaryBiopic

beginning: we pan over some stock footage of a farm. VO:

my story begins in a humble farm house in the year 1729. i was born hungry. i was born..........hillary

now we see a small girl being lectured by a man in a business suit (please let me know if u have a business suit i can borrow)
man: hillary clinton, you are a child. but i can already tell, you are bad and will never do politics

sensei: hillary clinton, you must learn to still your mind if you want to do politics
me (playing hillary at 16): but papa says politics are for boys. he wants me to focus.........on the eight ninja disciplines

bill clinton: hello. i am a boy, so i get to do politics even though i ghave only mastered three ninja disciplines. please marry me hillary clinton. i can make a baby come out of there, if you marry me
VO: later, i would learn bill was not the only man who could do that

now we see the couple in bed
bill: hillary clinton, i am not ready for the big debate. it's to decide who is president. i want ti to be me and not richard nixon
hillary: i have tried on your suit and i have a plan. tomorrow, i will be you
bill: hillary clinton, you are my wife

hillary: bill clinton, the election results are in. i gave a good speech and now you are president
bill: i thought we were busted when that baby came out of you
hillary: no bill. we got away with it. and i will name our baby chelsea manning clinton
bill: i don't care about that

a montage of hillary trying on different outfits set to walking on sunshine by katrina and the waves, the version alvin and the chipmunks did. her last outfit? the iconic.........pant suit

bill: hillary clinton i am very worried. watergate is happening and also 9/11
hillary: there is a poltergeist in the lincoln bedroom
bill: oh brother!!

now we see bill playing the saxophone while hillary drops poison into a series of big goblets
hillary: the real work of being president is women's work. done in silent. done in darkness. bill clinton will never have the stomach for the work i do tonight

obama: my name is president obama, and i am going to be the next president
hillary: will you take wine
obama: no. one of the eight ninja disciplines is knowing where poison is, and i have mastered them all

obama: would you like to see the future of murder, hillary clinton
hillary: yes. i would
obama: *pulls back drape* i call it........ a drone
hillary: oh my
obama: it entrances you, doesn't it