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Paul F. Tompkins @PFTompkins
, 5 tweets, 1 min read Read on Twitter
Jason Mantoukas is not on twitter but he IS on my last nerve for making me wait for a text back. #JasonMantzoukas
It is freeing to badmouth him publicly know he can’t see this. BE CONSIDERATE, #JASONMANTZOUKAS
I wish more of my colleagues were not on this app, I have a lot to say about a lot of people
Re my first tweet, I guess #JasonMantzoukas has lost the respect of autocorrect, despite his name definitely being in my phone as proven by my texting him and his still not text me back
*texting me back. I am rage-typing now.
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More from @PFTompkins see all

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Lot of experts on “trying out material” have found voice of late
“I’m working on this bit where I sound like an ignorant bully BUT after I have finished the bit it will not sound like that at all, I bet. You gotta trust the process.”
“Look, here’s how comedy works: the actual premise is THE LAST thing that comes into place.”
Read 7 tweets
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“I'm saying, Come on, the global warming thing? How did the ice melt during the ice ages? Was the dinosaurs driving SUVs around back then?”
“Ever since my grade school days, as I mastered the art of 'faking sick' and I stumbled across 'The View,' I've been confusedly asking myself the same question... How do these dumb broads remain gainfully employed?”
“The children now... show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.”
Read 6 tweets
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Please sign my petition to have Macy’s add a Mucinex Mucus Man balloon to their parade
This guy is okay, but not a fun phlegm goblin? Come on
I actually feel guilty now, look how sad he he looks. He is HAUNTED.
Read 4 tweets

Related threads

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oh no oh no hold me back hold me back this is such a good gift guide did you see that buttery laptop case LOOK AT THE BRISKET ughhh
the chukkas
harness leatherrrr
Read 11 tweets
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"His job is to hold power to account"
DOES NOT MEAN
"Jim Acosta is free to make an ass of himself on television"

Come on, dude. This isn't a rocket science.
"His job is to hold power to account, not to be “nice” to the President or anyone else he covers."

Who said anything about nice? There's a distinction between that and allowing personal grudges to impact job performance.

This isn't the first time Acosta and Trump clashed.
Something is wrong when a spectacle is made.
Read 56 tweets
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#Twitter: what is it good for? How do you get good at it? And what will we do when it's gone? Today in pulp I share a few insights I've gleaned from almost five years of running this account.

Its about to get all meta...
Most people's tweets are a stream of consciousness, and Twitter itself is a daily flow of 500 million of these across the surface of your phone. You are currently looking at the collective unconscious of the planet...
And like any examination of the unconscious you will see things on Twitter that fascinate you and things that disgust you. This is part of its attraction: the filters of discourse become permeable, allowing the unsayable to leak across.
Read 19 tweets
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#Twitter, bot ve aktif olmayan hesapları temizleme işlemini bugün tekrardan gerçekleştirdi. Birçok kişinin takipçi sayısında azalma var.
Aynı zamanda #Twitter zamanında askıya alınan ve takipçimiz olan kişilerin hesaplarını da tamamen ortadan kaldırıyor. Takipçi azalmasının nedeni bunlar. Bu çalışmanın devamı gelecekmiş.
#Twitter profilinizde kaç reel kaç bot hesap var bu site/uygulama üzerinden görebilirsiniz.

Uygulamayı kaldırmak için: Ayarlar > Uygulamalar > Erişim izni kaldır

twitteraudit.com
Read 3 tweets
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› back to black ‧ taekook au

the one where taehyung is a spy, jungkook is his target, and the world is their playground.
The first time Taehyung goes on a mission, it’s by complete accident.

There’s some sort of chaos outbreak at HQ, and before he knows it, Taehyung--an untrained, unpaid, unsure intern--is swept into a slick black SUV and sent off to an unknown location.
He looks around, not very optimistic at the sight of the other nervous faces in the car. When the vehicle finally stops, the doors are pulled open by a very gruff-looking man, his face streaked with blood and his arm in a rough-looking sling.
Read 594 tweets
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#BREAKING - 2017 Year End #BombShell - Russia Narrative Falls Apart!

#RedPillTheNormies

#QAnon #TheStorm #FollowTheWhiteRabbit
#pedogate #pizzagate #U1P #nwo #TrumpTrain #CCOT #TCOT #DeepState #MAGA #PURGE #TheResistance #WakeUp #Truth #taketheredpill #FridayFeeling #StayWoke
This ENDS the Russia Narrative, I DECREE it in Jesus' Name! #CrowdStrike #QAnon

please see thread! retweet, share
#CrowdStrike #Qanon

please see thread!
Read 57 tweets

Trending hashtags

#Clinton #Guccifer #address #Twitter #city #PrivateEquity #MOAB #Biden #making #know #Celio #opemdata #morale #Blockchains #Allerheiligen #Crypto #MedEd #products #Bollywood #vicariouslearning #saving #opendats #Disruptors #CIA #TRAITOR

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