Thread by @xasymptote

[cn:sw] Hi tweeps! I'm sick today, but not too sick to watch RETURN OF THE JEDI.

Unpopular opinion: This is my favourite of the Original Trilogy. Always has been.

[cn:sw] Several reasons why RETURN OF THE JEDI is my favourite, but they can be boiled down to two.

First: especially as a kid, I was all about the creatures, monsters, aliens. And boy does Episode VI deliver. :D

[cn:sw] First you have the Jabba's Palace sequence, which is ALL ABOUT the creatures. Humans are a distinct minority.

And it carries over to the Battle of Endor, in which they FINALLY bothered to have non-humans in the Rebel Alliance. Also Ewoks. Shut up, I love them :D

[cn:sw] Second, I am a sucker for a good redemption story and a really joyful happy ending. This movie is very emotionally satisfying to me in that way.

[cn:sw] This is not why it's my favourite, but Return of the Jedi is also ridiculously easy to split in half as I've been doing with the OT movies. Today I'll livetweet Jabba's palace and the small interlude on Dagobah; Endor will be tomorrow.

[cn:sw] Ok let's get started!

Yellow text! Theme music! THE DEATH STAR AGAIN BUT BIGGER

[cn:sw] It's not clear to me if the Empire bothered fixing Galen Erso's design flaws or not, but I like to think they at least made a half assed try. I mean, the Rebels had to literally fly inside this one to get to the vulnerable part, so that's progress, despite the time crunch

[cn:sw] I think I already mentioned that Tiny!Ada was fascinated with Jabba the Hutt.

As an adult, he really doesn't impress me much. Standard crime lord archetype, also a slug, ok whatevs.

But Tiny!Ada had no reference point for him. He was an utterly alien menace.

[cn:sw] All I'm saying is, normal children watched these movies and pretended to fly X-Wings or fight with lightsabers.

Tiny!Ada was acting out stories about what happened when Jabba the Hutt invited Darth Vader to his birthday party.

[cn:sw] (Which is hilarious in retrospect because: Anakin grew up as a slave on Tatooine! The LAST PERSON IN THE GALAXY whose party he would attend is a Hutt. 🤣)

[cn:sw] Jabba honestly looks like he's stoned out of his mind right now and only vaguely comprehends what's going on.

[cn:sw] Luke is generally nicer to droids than most people, but this just feels mean. Poor betrayed C3PO. 🤖

[cn:sw] Ok and this droid torture chamber just raises all sorts of other questions, like: Remember I was confused about droids having pain receptors in the last movie? And now I'm even more confused?? What is going on??

[cn:sw] I keep changing my mind about Jedi Rocks. Like... I honestly don't hate it. It's 30 secondsish of "LOOK AT MY CGI IN YO FACE," but like, this was the late 90s, CGI had just been invented, I was 8 or so and actually found it cool at the time. At least the song is catchy.

[cn:sw] I really have very few negative feelings about the Special Editions. I was little, my parents were computer scientists, we watched all the little featurettes on Look How We Used Computers To Make This Cool Movie Look Cooler. I enjoyed the process, I dunno.

[cn:sw] (Han did shoot first, but if I recall correctly, that wasn't even in question until a later round of tinkering.)

[cn:sw] This bit with the dancing girl also illustrates that Jabba's palace is an exponentially worse hive of scum and villainy than Mos Eisley.

Instead of merely shrugging after violence erupts, this crowd actively gathers around to cheer the murder.

[cn:sw] Why is Boba Fett still here? I mean, the amount of time elapsed is not clear, but I would think weeks??

[cn:sw] As a Tiny!Ada I was very confused why this bounty hunter language is mostly just the words "yo-to, yo-to" over and over again.

Actually, I'm still confused by that.

[cn:sw] "Because he's holding a thermal detonator!!" 😂🤣

And Boba Fett just... draws his blaster, as if he thinks he can disarm a bomb by shooting it or something, I don't know lol

[cn:sw] Awww yess it's Leia being excellent

For like 1 minute before she gets caught.

But it is an excellent minute

[cn:sw] I'm honestly not sure how Jabba managed to set this part up. Was he like, "That bounty hunter, I think they're up to something, let's pretend to be asleep tonight and FIND OUT"

How did he keep all his giggly minions quiet that long, idek

[cn:sw] Interesting that it's Lando (in his guard disguise) who steps up to hold Leia's arm, like he's trying to... protect her? Reassure her? Something?

[cn:sw] Luke and Leia must have coordinated their plans.

So either he expected her to succeed - in which case, what happens to Chewie and the droids? Does she break them out, too?

Or he expected her to fail.

I have so many questions.

[cn:sw] SPOOKY CLOAKED LUKE with the Force chokes.

Darth Vader is his father and he is no longer fucking around.

(Anakin, regularly pulling utterly ridiculous stunts to save all his friends, is also Luke's father.)

[cn:sw] None of Jabba's goons are even bothered that one of their co-workers fell in the Rancor pit. I guess nobody liked that guy.

[cn:sw] Ok, tangent. In the late 90s, when there was a fad for Tamagotchis and stuff, I had several. My brother had only one, but it was the best one, because it was a Rancor.

A Rancor Tamagotchi.

[cn:sw] You could do all the things that you could do with a regular Tamagotchi. Feed it Gammorean guards (nutritious meal) or dancing girls (special treat). Clean up after it, play a game to entertain it, etc.

The 90s were a time to be alive.

[cn:sw] Ok but, for reals, who the fuck came up with the Sarlacc.

That was some EXISTENTIAL shit for Tiny!Ada.

[cn:sw] "R2, what are you doing here?" *beeping* " Well, I can SEE you're serving drinks, but-"

This was the funniest line ever when I was 10 :-P

[cn:sw] Annnd then Luke kicks EVERYTHING'S butt :D

[cn:sw] I'm still so confused about Boba Fett? I thought he was an independent bounty hunter? But his actions here only make sense if he is some kind of long term minion of Jabba's. Otherwise, why would he CARE if Han and Luke escape? He got his money.

[cn:sw] HUTTSLAYER LEIA IS ALSO EXCELLENT

[cn:sw] "Leia! Leia is my sister," Luke deduces from the fact that she was the only girl in the entire last 2 movies

[cn:sw] Hmm, I got so used to thinking of Episode VI as a pair of mini movies that I forgot how short the first one was. I've been pressing pause a lot, but we're less than an hour in.

Tomorrow: The Battle of Endor!

[cn:sw] Ok - I am under the weather and having some real trouble focusing, so I don't know how coherent this will be, but it is time for ENDOR

Or rather, the Rebel fleet in space, waiting to go to Endor. Wheee

[cn:sw] There is a story in the Bible in which Saul consults the Witch of Endor and as a tiny, pious child I was VERY EXCITED by this story

[cn:sw] Lando has been here 5 minutes and he's a general now.

The Rebel Alliance is just extremely good at picking up strays, in general

[cn:sw] Yay it's Mon Mothma

A lot of people have joked about a "many Bothans died" sequel to Rogue One, but this would actually be a terrible movie since it turns out that the information they died for is a trap.

[cn:sw] This banter about the Millennium Falcon comes off weirdly since Lando is the one whose dead robot girlfriend is part of the ship, but Han is the one who they are both treating as more worried about the ship's wellbeing.

[cn:sw] Stop telling the Jedi that his Jedi feelings are just his imagination, that is not how Jedi work

[cn:sw] I am admitting to myself that I have a crush on Darth Vader and this is very distressing to me.

[cn:sw] "Hey, it's me," says Han, reassuring absolutely no one ever

[cn:sw] Luke is SUCH a backseat driver

[cn:sw] IT'S EWOK TIME

[cn:sw] This Ewok is extremely easy to win over with 1 snack.
But it's okay because: adorable.

[cn:sw] Like, if your beef with Ewoks is that they're an infantilizing stereotype of indigenous peoples, I will concede that point.

But if your beef with Ewoks is that cute things shouldn't be in Star Wars then I am not listening to yooou lalala

[cn:sw] So, wait, if the Empire doesn't even know Ewoks exist (which appears to be the case), then how does Threepio know their language

[cn:sw] Tiny!Ada was soooooo jealous of Leia's super long hair in this scene

[cn:sw] I have a very dark headcanon about Leia.

It's that what she says about her mother in this scene is literally true, and the ending of Revenge of the Sith, as presented, is also true.

Somehow, force sensitive baby Leia remembers watching her mother die of despair.

[cn:sw] Newborn human babies have some ability to recognize facial expressions, and to recognize their mothers; the only part that is a stretch is forming memories that early. Clearly she didn't fully understand what she was seeing, but it's a memory that haunts her to this day.

[cn:sw] Leia: "So, wait a second, you're saying Darth Vader is also my-"
Luke: "GOTTA GO BYE"

[cn:sw] "Obi-Wan once thought as you do."

Awww... somehow I forgot this line.

Yeah he did. For like 5 minutes before cutting Vader's legs off and leaving him in lava, I see why this is an awkward conversation now 😬

[cn:sw] Awwwww, Ewok riding a speeder bike please don't crash

[cn:sw] The Emperor's throne room also contains safety rails. That's 3 for 3.

[cn:sw] Palpatine has said about 6 words and I already want him to stop talking.

[cn:sw] I don't understand why Admiral Ackbar saying "It's a trap!" is such a meme.

I have asked people, and the main answer I received is that it's somehow bad/funny acting in a way that my autistic brain doesn't recognize.

[cn:sw] Another complaint I hear about Ewoks is that they shouldn't be able to defeat Imperial troops with more mechanized weapons/armor, but I feel like this complaint misses the entire point of Star Wars.

One fighter with a sharp stick and nothing to lose can win the day.

[cn:sw] Like, this series is already full of scrappy, relatively poorly-armed guerrillas who defeat much more expensive and enormous fascist groups. It's, like, their whole THING.

[cn:sw] Also, most Imperial technology just isn't even that good.

Stormtrooper armor doesn't defend against blasters, for instance, which are the weapons most commonly shot at stormtroopers.

So it's not that weird to see them also taken down with spears.

[cn:sw] In addition, the Ewoks are highly motivated guerrillas fighting on their home turf, which are notoriously difficult to deal with even in real life.

[cn:sw] In conclusion: GO EWOKS, EAT THE SPACE FASCISTS, YAY!!

[cn:sw] "This is no time for heroics!" says Threepio in the middle of a heroic battle

[cn:sw] Why did the Rebels take their medical frigate into the middle of an enormous battle.

Just asking.

[cn:sw] Where on earth did Lando's intense faith in Han come from. I mean really.

[cn:sw] Actually, I retract that last bit. Lando knows Han is a fuckup, but he also knows Han will run straight into hell to save his friends, and literally all of Han's friends need him now.

[cn:sw] Ok, I'm sorry but Chewie just literally made a Tarzan noise while swinging on a vine with an Ewok and it is TOO MUCH CUTE 🤣

[cn:sw] This bit here though.
Where, in the middle of deadly peril, Han finally bothers to tell Leia he loves her, and she "I know"s him right back.
IT IS THE BEST AND I AM SLAIN

[cn:sw] Palpatine is really not as good at this as he thinks he is. Every time Luke does something he likes, he's like "YESS GIVE IN TO YOUR HATE" really loudly and Luke is like, oh, whoops, better stop doing that thing.

[cn:sw] This isn't just a battle for Luke's soul, it's also Luke showing Vader how to do better.

"It's the only way you can save your friends," says Vader, who joined the Dark Side for that exact reason. But Luke still resists.

[cn:sw] Ok, cool guys don't look at explosions but Han DEFINITELY just turned to look at that one :D

[cn:sw] I feel like Palpatine has just out-evil-plotted himself here.

He wanted to trap the Rebels with a Death Star that looked under construction but was actually shielded and operational.

But he also wanted it ready REALLY FAST. And to deal with Luke at the same time.

[cn:sw] And in addition, because he is a secretive Sith, he didn't entirely TELL anybody how these plans fit together.

[cn:sw] So poor Jerjerrod is behind schedule and the Emperor starts nagging him, and he's like, ok, well, what part of this construction is highest priority? Clearly the main weapon. We're shielded, and the whole fleet will be here, so we can worry about defenses later.

[cn:sw] And then Palpatine is so busy playing his personal game with Luke and Vader that when the shield goes down he doesn't even notice, much less check with Jerjerrod to see if the main reactor is still accessible from the outside.

[cn:sw] Hi Palpatine MAYBE don't try to give agonizing deaths to Anakin's family members in front of him, he has TRIGGERS ABOUT THAT :D

[cn:sw] Ok, I.
I just really like Darth Vader, ok.
And the puffy sound of his broken breathing apparatus is just THE SADDEST :(

[cn:sw] None of the Imperial troops running around notice that Darth Vader is mortally wounded and being dragged across the floor by some dude, which is a good example of the phenomenon of inattentional blindness

[cn:sw] "You were right about me. Tell your sister you were right."

Anakin doesn't know it, but when he says this, he is also talking about Padme. 💔

[cn:sw] Ok Lando just flew out of the exploding Death Star and said "YEEHAW!" and the smile on my face is so big

[cn:sw] There is a scene that slots in right here that I was surprised to learn, the first time I watched all this as an adult, was not actually in the movie. It's from an audio drama version that I listened to as a child.

[cn:sw] Lando lands the Falcon, and Han rushes to it, reminding Lando anxiously of his promise to return the ship without a scratch.

"Yeah," says Lando, "all the scratched parts got knocked off."

Han repeats, "Knocked off?" in just the most Han-like inflection ever, annnd scene

[cn:sw] GET IN, LOSERS, THE EWOKS ARE PARTYING
EVERY PLANET IS PARTYING
THEY'RE DANCING IN THE MOTHERFUCKING STREETS AND TEARING DOWN THE STATUES
STORMTROOPERS ARE FOR DINNER
EVERYONE IS HUGGING
AN EWOK HUGGED R2D2 I AM DED

[cn:sw] Yoda needs to be giving Anakin so much more Force ghost side eye.
"Remember those younglings I do. Much to discuss we still have. But in front of your son we shall not, mm? Smile."

[cn:sw] THE END OF THIS MOVIE MAKES ME HAPPY CRY AND I'M NOT EVEN SORRY

THE END!!!

[cn:sw] Thanks for watching my favourite Star Wars movie vicariously with me, y'all.

This movie tweeting project originally started as therapy, so I'm gonna take a little break and see how long I can hold out before needing another one.

Next, at some point, is SOLO.