Thread by @magnatom

Oooh Twitter...... Oooooooo dear Twitter..... I might just have a wee update for you. Yup #hermesgate is back. There may be some of you who aren't aware of #hermesgate. So before the update, here's a wee summary.....

On the 28th of January I ordered a breadmaker on Amazon. Concerned about possible hard #brexit food shortage, and actually just wanting a breadmaker as we'd had one in the past, buying one seemed like a good idea. Amazon had a one day special price of £87 so I went for it.

The order went in as a one day delivery, but due to the timing of my order it was due to arrive on the 30th. Whilst I was terribly disappointed by this terrible situation, I consoled myself that by the 30th January I'd be up and baking. Yum yum....

Alas, the 30th of January came and passed. No breadmaker. Agast at this travesty I checked the deliver info and was relieved to see that, despite a slight setback, it would be with me the next day. The yeast I'd bought specially would have to stay in the tin one more day....

Gadzooks! The 31st of January came and past and once again, no breadmaker. What crime was this!? I contacted the delivery company @Hermesparcels.... Well, when I say contacted... I mean that loosely. The only option was an online live chat thingy where the bot...i mean...

... person on the other end had only the loosest of actual contact with the actual delivery company. 'Do not fear, tomorrow it will be here'... I was told. Shame that here probably meant whatever part of the world the bot/person was based.... Several days of this passed...

... and no breadmaker was delivered. Eventually the bot/person admitted that all hope was lost... At least... the breadmaker was. It had disappeared into thin air, or someone's oversized pocket. Disaster!! 😭 Fear not @amazonuk came to the rescue, and on the 4th of February....

They ordered a new breadmaker free of charge and extended my Prime membership by a month. It would be be with me on the 6th February. Hallelujah! The yeast came out of the cupboard in anticipation!.....

Cut a very long story, slightly shorter.... The 6th of February came and went. No breadmaker. But this particular breadmaker didn't get lost as such.... It went on an adventure. It went from Rugby to Airdrie, stayed for a bit. Then went to Edinburgh, bounced around there...

for a while (sightseeing!?) came back to Airdrie, then back to Edinburgh (didn't seem to like Airdrie I think), then back to Airdrie.... It wasn't coming to me though. Fed up I contacted @amazonuk again. They scratched their heads. Upon much umming and erring they decided...

to give it one more go. They'd try sending one more breadmaker. So a third breadmaker was dispatched to @Hermesparcels Would they be able to take the weight of three breadmakers or collapse trying...!? Amazon would phone me on delivery day to find out if it arrived.....

.... It didn't. I was utterly, utterly shocked (this tweet may contain traces of sarcasm...). Having been so long on this quest I was keen to get to the end. I would persevere through this #hermesgate travesty to the bitter end. Unfortunately @amazonuk wasn't up for the...

... adventure. They threw their digital hands in the air and gave up. No more breadmakers would be sacrificed at the alter of @Hermesparcels. I was crushed. Devastated. Broken. All hope was lost. @amazonUK tried to cheer me up with a refund and a £30 gesture, but I wanted...

That breadmaker, at that price. Argghh.... 😱😞😭.....

As time past the pain slowly diminished. The refund and goodwill gesture were spent on frivolities to try and dull my sensations (actually food and bills, but hey...). I just couldn't bring myself to order a breadmaker from elsewhere. I could never be sure if @Hermesparcels...

would find a way to lose it again... Even if they weren't involved in the delivery.... So life had to move on.... A life filled only with shop bought bread and a crazy suggestion that it was possible to make bread without a breadmaker. Madness!! 😬

But... That isn't the end of the story.... Oh no dear Twitter friends. Just like all the best stories there was a twist. Just when all hope was lost, just when I'd reassigned the space on the kitchen worktop that I'd set aside for the breadmaker... I received a Facebook...

... message from my breadmaker bereft wife....This was no ordinary message. It wasn't a 'Can you buy milk on the way home? ' or 'What are my thoughts on the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum theory?'. Oh no. This message consisted only of a photo of our back door....

... and more importantly what my wife found blocking the back door..... What was it you ask? Well.... It wasn't an it... , it was a,... they.... Sat on out back doorstep were......

I bet you didn't see that coming!🤔
Just like all the great stories of our time the conclusion of the story is not the end, and raises (ooh is that my first pun!?) more questions than it solves. Where have these breadmakers been? Why have they been delivered now? How did they...

.... find our house? Which of these breadmakers was the one that went sightseeing in Edinburgh? What will @amazonuk make of this? Will they come and collect these two breadmakers? Will it break my heart to let them go? Who was Geoff and why was he wearing the wig? And, most...

... importantly, where is the other breadmaker!? Will it turn up at some point? Are the employees of @Hermesparcels enjoying fresh bread every morning in their Airdrie depot!? Stay tuned folks. I suspect @netflix might jump in and commission a second series of #hermesgate! 😁 🍞

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