Thread by @QuinnyPig

It's #GoogleNext19 keynote livetweeting day 2! We're about to begin. A thread:

Thomas Kurian is backstage. "Where's the cow for me to punch to death before I walk out on stage?"

Googlers stare in horror.

It turns out Google has a very different culture than Oracle, and there's an adjustment period after a couple of decades. #GoogleNext19

Dark room, repetitive techno music, nightclub style lighting. Google remains, for the moment, very much an engineering company. #GoogleNext19

I'm giggling at the idea of Google Cloud recruiting TK to run things. "You're saying all the right things, and you're clearly the right person to lead us. Now uh... and this is awkward... can you invert this binary tree on a whiteboard?" #GoogleNext19

"Please silence your mobile phones, or we will detonate them remotely." #GoogleNext19

When startups talk about "making things up in volume" they are not talkING ABOUT THE AUDIO IN THE KEYNOTE OH MY GOD TURN IT DOWN MY HEART IS FIBRILLATING
#GOOGLENEXT19

TK takes the stage for another day. "Welcome back!" #GoogleNext19

"Today we're going to top yesterday with new announcements in a lot of product areas."

I have $5 on "Serverless, AI, and Pets." #GoogleNext19

Passes the baton to Urs Hölzle, SVP of Google's global infrastructure.

Citing $13 billion spent this year on datacenters in the US.

#GoogleNext19

"Yesterday we announced Anthos, a product named so boringly you've already forgotten it."
#GoogleNext19

"Tomorrow morning at 9AM there's an 'Ask Me Anything' about Anthos, to which everyone except Corey is invited."

#GoogleNext19

"We're the only cloud provider that gives you full access transparency logs in near realtime."

He's right, AWS. CloudTrail's latency is such that you may as well send me the logs via postcard.
#GoogleNext19

Now announcing a software security key that works on "most Android phones."

I'm not trying to start a war, but here in the #GoogleNext19 press section I see iPhones almost universally.

That said, you're not going to see me complain about anything that boosts the usability of security features. It's incredibly important.
#GoogleNext19

2018 Global Average Downtime shows that GCP had a lot less than the other providers.

I have many, many questions about methodology--there were *zero* global service outages for AWS that I'm aware of. There was at least one global GCP rolling outage.

#GoogleNext19

"No one at Google will access your data without your permission."

You really need to bound that with "Google Cloud" or your byzantine privacy policies are going to hang you.

I have to say that quietly so my thermostat doesn't report it back to Google. #GoogleNext19

That said, he just made a much stronger public commitment to privacy than AWS has.

That said, one screw-up and everything he just said becomes a lie, and irreparably damages the GCP brand (and potentially looks like securities fraud).

That's a hell of a bet. #GoogleNext19

Announcing Cloud SQL for SQL Server.

The migration may be awesome, but I really want to hear what migrating out of it onto traditional SQL Server looks like. It it possible, or is this a one-way door?

#GoogleNext19

Also announcing a managed Microsoft Active Directory service.

If it's any good, that means that Azure's will be the third best option for managed AD in public cloud, which is just painfully sad.

Please get it together, Microsoft.

#GoogleNext19

Sorry, I blacked out during the scripted conversation with a banker. At @awscloud events they let the guest have the whole stage while PR snipers watch. Here they have the CEO stay on stage with a concealed knife in case the customer goes off-script. #GoogleNext19

I hate, hate, hate technology demos where they say "It's very simple... you just... see how easy?"

NO! This stuff is complex! If someone in the audience doesn't get it, you just made them feel like idiots!

#GoogleNext19

Now talking about G-Suite. Hey, I use that! And they're integrating it with BigQuery. Neat!

NOTE TO AWS: If you try something like this with WorkDocs I will roast you so hard you'll think you were a leg of lamb. WorkDocs has no customers, it wouldn't work!

#GoogleNext19

Well, I just cleared "Anthos," "Kubernetes," and "AI" from my Keynote Bingo Card within half a sentence. #GoogleNext19

Okay, so now theres Cloud AI, AutoML, a bunch of others. This is a clear challenge to @awscloud's IoT branding lunacy. #GoogleNext19

"Now more than 5 million businesses use G-Suite," of whom almost 1 million know that they use G-Suite.

#GoogleNext19

"Air Asia uses G-Suite to handle coordinating ground staff, scheduling, and attitude control--WAIT THEY USE IT FOR WHAT?! SORRY FOLKS, I HAVE SOME FLIGHTS TO RESCHEDULE IMMEDIATELY." #GoogleNext19

As of today, the Google Assistant can access your G-Suite calendar, and it's free.

Disabling this feature will cost $15 a month per user.

#GoogleNext19

Cloud Search comes to Salesforce, SAP, and Sharepoint.

If you don't use any of those services, bask for a moment in how very fortunate you are to have your current job. #GoogleNext19

"We're pleased to announce that we're bringing Chat into Gmail!"

NOT AGAIN!

You had Hangouts there. Then you killed it. And Allo. And Meet. And now it's Chat, and it's back in GMail?!

Do I look stupid?! #GoogleNext19

"Google Voice is now generally available!"

Wait. voice.google.com? The GrandCentral thing I've used for many years? That was Beta?

That has a future?! Is @monkchips right--was I dosed with something this morning?!

#GoogleNext19

"Why did nobody clap when we put the Google Voice logo on a slide?"

"Because we all thought you were about to deprecate it on stage, Google. Have you met yourselves?"

#GoogleNext19

Now a live demo of three people doing a "business conversation" via Google HangChatAlloMeetSlackVoice. Awkward as hell.

But the several second "loading of a sharing screen" was very true to life.

#GoogleNext19

So G-Suite is now part of Google Cloud.

Okay...

My cynical side tells me this is to shore up cloud revenues. #GoogleNext19

Someone in charge of Hangouts / Chat / Meet / Allo missed a trick by not acquiring a company solely for the name: ChatRoulette.

#GoogleNext19

At the Duckbill Group @mike_julian and I use G-Suite because we need to collaborate quickly, @slackhq because changing chat platforms monthly seems dumb, and @zoom_us because video calling that works isn't an optional feature.

#GoogleNext19

"Why did Whirlpool go all in on G-Suite?"

"We spend a lot of time thinking about drowning, and the constant barrage of notifications aligned with this."

#GoogleNext19

Now talking about automotive work that touches on self-driving. I don't touch any of this stuff myself, so I'm going to go read YouTube comments instead. #GoogleNext19

WOW. Never read the comments.

And now a partnership with Accenture, formerly best known for airport ads and leaving client data unsecured in S3 buckets.

#GoogleNext19

A huge streaming exodus from the keynote hall now, which probably doesn't feel great to the speakers.

#GoogleNext19

On balance the announcements today were scattershot, and enterprise focused.

#GoogleNext19

More customer stories now. There are a lot of people snarking about this.

"These are big boring companies speaking corporate language." YES. YES THEY ARE. THAT IS THE ENTIRE POINT! THIS MESSAGING IS NOT FOR YOU!

#GoogleNext19