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0/ A thread of threads on nonviolent communication 👇
1/ What is NVC?
Think of NVC as a fork of english — a new version that encompasses the best of what you mean and strips away everything you don’t.
NVC is like your sober, mature friend who’s reframing everything you say to be more kind & effective.
Think of NVC as a fork of english — a new version that encompasses the best of what you mean and strips away everything you don’t.
NVC is like your sober, mature friend who’s reframing everything you say to be more kind & effective.
2/ NVC is a comprehensive language that we use for:
1) expressing ourselves to others
2) translating what people say to us
3) self-talk and self-understanding
1) expressing ourselves to others
2) translating what people say to us
3) self-talk and self-understanding
3/ The NVC framework:
Observations: Specific, clear, measurable observations about what happened.
Feelings: Emotional responses to those observations.
Needs: Needs and personal wishes that cause those feelings.
Requests: Specific requests to other people.
Observations: Specific, clear, measurable observations about what happened.
Feelings: Emotional responses to those observations.
Needs: Needs and personal wishes that cause those feelings.
Requests: Specific requests to other people.
4/ “When ___, I feel ___, because I am needing ___. Therefore, I would now like ___.”
5/ For example:
When I see people speaking this way
I feel extremely happy and excited
Because I want to have deeper connections with people
So please learn this framework and, if resonates with you, please use it
When I see people speaking this way
I feel extremely happy and excited
Because I want to have deeper connections with people
So please learn this framework and, if resonates with you, please use it
6/ NVC has a specific framework, but it’s less about the specifics of following the pattern.
Indeed, just matching the pattern is not enough….If you fill the details with same language of judgement, you’ll mistakenly think you’re using NVC and you’ll be no better off.
Indeed, just matching the pattern is not enough….If you fill the details with same language of judgement, you’ll mistakenly think you’re using NVC and you’ll be no better off.
7/ For example:
When I see you acting like a turdface
I feel…like you’re a turdface!
Because I really need you to stop being a turdface…
Would you please be willing to, um, stop being such a turdface — or else?
When I see you acting like a turdface
I feel…like you’re a turdface!
Because I really need you to stop being a turdface…
Would you please be willing to, um, stop being such a turdface — or else?
8/ As shown, it’s not enough to match the pattern. The above seems like the Observations-Feelings-Needs-Request framework, but instead it’s the opposite: a Judgements-Interpretations-Strategies-Demands framework.
Here's observations, as it relates to judgments:
Here's feelings, in contrast to interpretations of feelings:
Here's needs, in contrast to strategies:
Here's requests, in contrast to demands:
Anger:
Difference between mourning & apology:
90% of NVC is just checking in with yourself:
Why the term "nonviolent communication"?
NVC believes we should motivate people in ways other than punishment & reward:
NVC is a dynamic rather than static language:
NVC posits that there is a difference between stimulus & response:
