Thread by @CharCubed

Alright folks. Time for a thread.

I want to talk about this scene in #GoodOmens–or, more precisely, what @michaelsheen displayed on his brilliant face here, & how it resonated with me.

I'm just going to break open my chest cavity & lay my heart down for a sec. Hope that's cool.

There's 3 subtle GIFs you need to see. Bear with me.
(From here: azirasphales.tumblr.com/post/185344712…)

Aziraphale says, "There needn’t be a war! We can save everyone!" & he's happy about it, he's hopeful, &–quite crucially–he thinks this is what he is supposed to be saying, as an Angel.

And then Aziraphale is told, "The point is not to avoid the war. The point is to win it,"

& you can see the exact moment the hope starts to fade from his eyes, to make way for the feelings of confusion &... well, arguably, betrayal.

This moment, beautifully acted by Michael Sheen, is something that I personally recognized.

In my head, I think of this as a "Crack."

A Crack is when something inside of you does exactly that: it cracks in a way you can almost FEEL, because someone who once taught you something crucially Good & formative to who you became as a person is now saying that the way you interpreted that Good is wrong.

For Aziraphale, this Crack is when he looks at Heaven & says, "We can save everyone!" & they tell him no.

For me, it was when I grew up to to find that many of my childhood role models who taught me "God is love" & "love the least of these" live the opposite politically.

Some people had bad experiences growing up in church; I (thankfully) did not. I actually LOVED it as a kid, & I thought the world of my family friends in those communities.

Then I entered higher education, became aware of politics, took stances... & was confronted with theirs.

For many of us who grew up in church culture of some sort as kids, a complex relationship formed as we grew to interpret church lessons in a ~radical, liberal~ way rather than a conservative one upon coupling those lessons with education. 2x as much, if you discover you're queer.

I can remember some of the exact Cracks I've experienced, when I expressed some form of desire for radical change or love, & an adult I trusted & once emulated basically said "no."

Like when I despaired over Sandy Hook, & my friend's dad chose to say, "Guns aren't the problem."

When I "came out" as an ally to queer people (before I knew I was queer!), & the woman I chose to have my parents list on their will as my next legal guardian messaged me disapprovingly to imply, "What would your dad think?"–an answer I'd never get, as he'd died 2 months prior.

When the man who helped me sing with joy about God's all-encompassing love in chapel posted vitriol about pro-choice people, in between posts of Bible verses.

When my political stances overall became "We should help the least of these," & I was told, "We help ourselves first."

Before naïveté dies, a certain kind of devastating feeling comes when those Cracks hit–the disappointment, disillusionment, & the internal crisis. One moment can deeply affect you, your relationships with those people, & your faith.

In that way, I resonated with Aziraphale here.

Michael Sheen's THAT good. I looked at his face here, & my soul said, "Same."

There's a lot to be said for Aziraphale's journey in this regard; he has to wrestle with discovering that the traditional (homophobically-coded!) family of faith he knew was not what he thought it was.

Aziraphale struggles with pulling away from Heaven. He doesn't want to believe that they're wrong & not the Good he was taught they were. He has to choose to break free & be himself, & untangle how he personally feels about God.

That's a very "queer & raised Christian" mood.

So I saw this scene (& his story) as less about "oh Heaven & Hell, it's all the same," but more what happens to those who experience this kind of world tilt.

It's a "fall," if you will, & a reinventing of self & faith (something Crowley is uniquely qualified to help him with).

Aziraphale does his level best to talk straight to God, such is his conviction that the cruelty of those who claim to speak for Her can't be right. Then he learns that the certainty he feels for what's right simply HAS TO carry him the rest of the way to authenticity. It has to.

& I felt that. That tracks.

So... I guess I'm saying I love this soft Angel. & I love Michael Sheen's very talented face, which was enough to get me to write too many words about a face journey.

Thanks.

"What was it he said that got everyone so upset?"
"Be kind to each other."