Thread by @LowTposterchild

I can't remember where or when I saw this idea. I wish it was my own, but I highly doubt it.

Imagine the coverage of two identical speeches given at different places but at the same time by Barrack Obama and @realDonaldTrump

Fireworks are keeping the boys up, so a long thread

It could be any of the big three networks or it could be MSNBC, but just to boost their sagging ratings, lets assign @JimAcosta and @CNN to cover both. I know he can't be two places at once, but his ego is omnipresent so at least he thinks he could do it.

I almost forgot to mention, the address both the current and former president are giving is a simple reading of the classic Mother Goose Nursery Rhyme, Hey Diddle Diddle.

First, @donlemon hands the segment off to his illustrious field reporter..

"We send you now, live, to the south side of Chicago, where president Obama has just made an important address. Jim, set the scene for us."

"Thanks Don. It is just as you'd expect at this AFL-CIO hall. Where an enthusiastic and grateful crowd of dozens just wittnessed history"

"They were stunned and awed into silence here as they heard the beloved former president give this simple, but so powerful and poignant, address. Don, never in my years of reporting have I heard a speech that so masterfully and elegantly grasped the truth of our times"

"It was as if we were carried back in time to our youth. A time before the weight of the behavior of racist, narcissistic and homophobic, businessmen crushed the hopes, dreams, and freedoms of honest, hard working people all across this country. Don, it was, in a word, brilliant"

"Jim, hold that thought, we have to go now to our Jim Acosta in Springfield, Missouri where Trump just said something. Jim, what's going on?" "Good evening Don. Well, it's just as you'd expect here, dozens of protesters were barred from the stadium by White House staffers"

"What excuse was given for violating the right to assemble of these citizens?" "According to staffers, the stadium had supposedly already surpassed the capacity set by the fire code. Further, they said something about their not having tickets and refusing to remove their masks".

(Heavy sigh) What did he have to say this time?" "Don, in all my years of reporting, never have I seen more pathetic communication. It was, literally, a childish display. But the message was clear. Donald Trump wants citizens to remain submissive and childlike in his presence".

The break-down of the speeches...

Obama's "Hey diddle diddle". "In a homage to the still downcast minority core of this land, President Obama began his remarks by directly and positively referencing the specifically urban art form of hip-hop. Inclusiveness, personified, Don".

President Trump's "Hey diddle diddle". "Don, the man has finally, completely, and without possible denial from his lemmings, lost his mind. Trump literally began his remarks with jibberish. A neurologist needs to be brought in! Good God people, this man has the nuclear codes!"

The cat and the fiddle, Obama. "The president then went on to speak to the need to find our best selves. To reach for goals once thought unattainable. Specifically to challenge ourselves in the arts. All presented against the beautiful and touching backdrop of animal rights.

The cat and the fiddle, Trump. "Don, on this dais, Donald Trump openly and without shame just advocated, what can only be described as the performance of unnatural acts with animals. To say this performance has been appalling is a gross understatement."

The cow jumped over the moon, Obama. The president again, poignantly, positively, and progressively challenged a struggling nation to reach for the stars. Specifically, by bringing the pursuit of science to before unseen heights. The leadership. Don, I'm speechless."

The cow jumped over the moon, Trump. "Mr. Trump then literally advocated for the cruel and completely unnecessary suffocation of animals. Specifically animals who selflessly provide nourishment to our most vulnerable citizens."

The little dog laughed to see such sport, Obama. "In an especially touching moment, President Obama elicited tender thoughts of love, laughter and unity, again brilliantly supporting a renewed call for animal rights."

The little dog laughed to see such sport, Trump. "Don, the sitting president of the United States of America just expressed his belief that not only is dog fighting a legitimate sport, but that dogs, especially puppies, actually enjoy it. Puppies, Don! Barbaric!"

The dish ran away with the spoon, Obama. "The president closed his remarks tonight by calling for the casting aside of social prejudices and marching forward in unity of purpose. Together, those who were once separated by class or other dividers can resist and move us forward".

The dish ran away with the spoon, Trump. "Mr. Trump finished his ramblings by overtly suggesting that the problem of chronic hunger in our society is a direct result of theft and the wasting of resources. It can only be assumed this was a thinly veiled shot at immigrants."

Sorry for any and all typos. This is night three of the toughest week of the year at home. Fireworks going off gets Art all wound up and nobody sleeps. #autismawareness

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