Thread by @LaraAdamsMille1

Because I haven’t been yelled at by strangers enough this week...

The trans widows’ thread.

Much of my understanding of autogynephilia comes from their words.

I can’t think of a more credible source than the wives who very much want to love & accept their AGP spouses.

🔻🔻🔻

She still believes that the estrogen just showed up at their house and he said, “Sure, why not?”

He married her without disclosing, and then he started hormones without even telling her, despite having agreed they would be having more children.

The wife in this scenario is a bothersome showpiece to keep the world’s questions away. His true love is the woman within.

“I feel too often like I am his support worker.”

A good look at the woman persona as an alternate identity, a dissociation from his public, masculine self.

A repeating theme is wives frustrated and confused to find their AGP wants to be female at home and male around others.

Pausing to say that, if you’re with an AGP and you’re happy, party on. No judgment.

These women aren’t terribly happy, and they had no frame of reference for what was happening in their worlds.

Worse, a blindly trans-positive world offered them virtually no real support.

She doesn’t want to play lesbian anymore than actual lesbians are willing to pretend a man’s body is female.

VERY COMMON item here — Husband wants to be secret lesbians with his wife. He wants to keep his public male life but have his wife treat him as female at home.

I should have mentioned this earlier:

All screenshots taken from a specifically transgender website.

A woman being pushed to “top” her CD boyfriend, play-act his fantasy of being with a woman as a woman.

What’s most upsetting about this one to me is the response she gets when seeking support.

Many of these women are remarkably good sports. This one refers to not being a lesbian as a thing she has to “overcome.” It doesn’t work that way.

These women are told, over and over, to go see a gender therapist. I’m sure they’re very effective at correcting wrong think.

More abuse. At least this time she got some good advice and support, even if she wasn’t ready to hear it.

Let me be clear — Not all AGPs or TWs are like this to their spouses (some are respectful), but the ones who are tend to repeat certain elements that I want to point out.

🔺 Her husband complaining that she doesn’t dress in a feminine enough way — that comes up a lot. AGPs are often resentful of women who have the genetic raw material, so to speak, but “waste” it by not performing femininity at a high level regularly.

🔺Another thing to notice, and this is up there with “be a lesbian” in terms of dehumanization and exploitation — He keeps pulling her back in, maintains the image until retirement, at which point he wants to be a woman.

He probably knew for YEARS that he would do this to her.

🔺He didn’t come out to her until she married to him and pregnant, and then he strung her along, keeping her attached to him while knowing they could never BOTH be happy. He claims his “woman within” reward at the end, & she’s left with nothing. Doesn’t even think she can leave.

🔺 I don’t think all AGPs who become TW know that it’s where they’re inevitably headed (and, certainly, not all AGPs go that far). But I believe THIS ONE did.

“He is going to continue couseling and perhaps try wearing some womens clothes aroudn the house and see what feels right.”

This person has absolutely been CDing since childhood. This is an example of the “handling” behavior, putting truth & lies together to confuse & control.

🔺 Control is a theme in these situations. Sometimes AGPs are controlling and selfish full-time, and sometimes that mentality is confined to the CDing itself. The kinder men fall into the latter category and, since they don’t feel entitled to control their spouse’s -

- behavior to the point they would need to in order to pleasurably include her in the CDing, they opt to CD without her most or all of the time.

Men who feel more entitled to controlling their wives expect their wives to take up a role cheerfully and perform it faithfully.

This phenomenon manifests in how visible TRA bad actors (Yaniv, Dennis, etc.) are. They’re only comfortable including the whole world in their CDing because they simultaneously feel entitled to control the behavior of everyone else to the degree they need for it to still be fun.

Crossdressing requires environmental controls in order to be pleasurable.

Thus, AGPs with controlling personalities are the ones the public will have contact with.

When policy-makers create space access policies, they need to do it with this reality in mind.

Where and with whom a man crossdresses is a certain indicator of where he will attempt to exert control.

You have to realize that dresses and such are SYMBOLIC for AGPs. They’re props to enable a much more important and intricate internal condition.

Putting on a woman costume is inherently insulting to women, but it’s not the kind of thing I’d crusade against if the people doing it weren’t also trying to control others in so many line-crossing ways.

The controlling ways of this movement are what troubles me.

Okay, now that we touched on some difficult recurring themes in AGP marriages, can you spot them in an AGP’s own version of how his compulsion played out for him and his wife?