Thread by @CandiceBenbow

Black Christians have always seen forgiveness as the first step to becoming free of pain. That don’t work, tho. Sometimes, the pain will remain; there are some traumas that devastating. In other cases, working to remedy the offense can make a difference.

The act of forgiving someone happens after they’ve asked for it and, given its sincerity and the trauma itself, accepting that apology and extending forgiveness will always be up to the one who has been harmed. Be very clear: God ain’t ever rushing us to forgiveness.

The people who say we’re supposed to forgive because Jesus said we can’t be forgiven if we don't take that out of the context of his entire ministry. Jesus taught us how to do LIFE together: how to treat each other and how to make things right when we harm each other.

And, yes, Jesus taught us how to forgive those who come in contrition after they’ve harmed us. And when that’s impossible to do, Jesus taught us that the Holy Spirit comforts and guides as we move from the pain of grief and loss to survival and healing.

“Forgiveness isn’t for you; it’s for the other person” is a lie. Nothing God created and sanctioned is without communal impact. We are meant to share in the work and fruits of forgiveness together. But that don't come without real work, tho.

And if you’re not preaching that people who've deeply harmed people should be doing whatever they can to apologize for that harm and attempt to make remedy [if possible], then you need to stop preaching that forgiving them is what the folk they've harmed need to do.

After seeing the #Emanuel documentary and interviewing family members, I wrote about the otherworldly power of forgiveness and how Western Christianity has taught us to use it as a way to numb pain and escape accountability.

I still believe that: candicebenbow.com/post/emanuel

It’s wrong and doesn’t reflect God’s desire for Creation’s interdependence. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing that has been cheapened because powerful people, inside and outside our community, spent centuries preaching/telling us to use it to excuse their harm. THAT is sin.

To anyone who hasn’t gotten an apology yet, won't get one, got one but can’t accept it, prematurely extended forgiveness and to anybody living in between:

I hope you’re given plenty good room to heal *first* so you can make the best decisions for your life from a healed place.

I believe Jesus when he said it's his father's good pleasure to give us the kingdom. In many instances, I believe that kingdom is living a whole+healed life. God wants me well. Rushing to and extending premature forgiveness doesn't represent wellness.

May we live in that truth.