*cough* All right, since it’s been a few years...
The Story About The Convention With A Bunch Of Emu Chicks In My Room
So I was about to be a guest of honor at a lovely con in Texas and my buddy @foxfeather was attending. Fox keeps emus, because Fox is even more of a Disney Princess than my husband.
There was an emu breeder in Texas who bred white emus. Fox needed a white emu because obviously you gotta have white emus, I mean, why would you not? So she was driving down to Texas as a dealer at the con and another friend drove across the state with emu chicks in a cat carrier
But Fox has to be out of her hotel room Sunday morning. And the emu chicks cannot stay in the car! They would bake!
But...Sunday is often a big sales day. And dealers at cons have razor margins.
But...Sunday is often a big sales day. And dealers at cons have razor margins.
I was the guest of honor.
I had a suite.
I love my friends.
Really, what happened next was inevitable.
I had a suite.
I love my friends.
Really, what happened next was inevitable.
Oh god, it was so unprofessional of me, I was wracked with guilt, but I couldn’t let the little emus be SAD and it was only for a few hours and...well...
I was ASSURED that baby emus are silent.
I was ASSURED that baby emus are silent.
“Baby emus are very quiet!” Fox said.
Obviously you cannot simply carry a cat carrier full of emus through a hotel. Particularly not one full of furries. They’d want to see the emus and the hotel would be like “why are there velociraptors in the hotel” and...look, we had to be stealthy, okay? STEALTHY.
So Fox puts the cat carrier in a box and four of us all get into the hotel. (The other two may incriminate themselves as they wish.)
We get in the elevator. Of course I am on the top floor. Suite. Swanky. Goddamnit.
We mash the button.
Multiple furries and a businessman get on.
We mash the button.
Multiple furries and a businessman get on.
We all huddled in the corner around Fox and her box, trying to look like super normal people doing super normal things not carrying a box of live emus ha ha who would think such a thing and the goddamn emus start peeping.
And three of us panic and immediately begin trying to cover the sound but since none of us have done this before, suddenly [redacted] is whistling an aria and I am humming Bridge on the River Kwai and [redacted] is coughing and Fox is trying to pretend she doesn’t know us.
At this point, the four of us are obviously either incredibly high or in a cult and so the furries and the businessman all move away from us on the Group W Bench.
We get to the hotel room. We place the carrier full of emu chicks in the bathtub so that if they projectile poop, cleanup will be easier. Fox inspects them. Highly incriminating emu photos are taken.
I go back to my dealer’s table. I have got to tell someone or I will die, but Twitter is right out. This is the least professional thing I have ever done as a GoH. I am hiding exotic livestock in my bedroom. Dear god.
At that moment, my buddy @KBSpangler texts me to say that she just bought some very exciting tomatoes. I text back that I have just smuggled four emus into a hotel room in Texas.
She takes this very calmly.
She takes this very calmly.
BUT WE GET AWAY WITH IT. It is the perfect emu crime. Fox gets her white emus. The convention no longer uses that hotel.
I promise to any con who may be thinking about asking me to be a GoH, I do not make a habit of this.
I promise to any con who may be thinking about asking me to be a GoH, I do not make a habit of this.
And that is the saga of Fox, the emu chicks, and the one time I was incredibly unprofessional because you can’t leave emus in the car.
AND HERE ARE THE EMUS IN QUESTION
