Thread by @diaryofa9jagirl

#dangdivorcestories 7

Hello Ife, thank you for all that you do. Your consistency over the past years have drawn me closer to you that’s why I feel comfortable sharing this.

I’m divorced but I have no regrets because I tried my best and tried to correct my mistakes.

#thread

The pressure on men to be the strong ones in a marriage when things aren’t going well is hefty. I tried to rebel against it but I was called weak, I tried to ignore my emotions and be strong for the family but I was called heartless.

My ex wife and I married as best friends.

The love was super and we were connected in our souls. We knew it because we couldn’t go a day without catching up at night and we knew every single detail about each other. Proposing to her was sure from day one. But life happened to us and our problems started.

First was a miscarriage which was sad but we were going to try again. Then we found out she had cancer of the womb and there was only one solution, remove the womb. The doctors said we had some time to harvest some eggs from her before they performed the operation.

You can imagine how devastating we were. I tried to be strong for her but I would cry too because her pain was my pain. Her mother would snap at me to stop crying and be strong for her. She complained that I wasn’t there enough for her because we both couldn’t comfort each other.

I shut down my feelings and tended to her because she was right, she needed me at that point. Eggs were harvested, womb was removed. Cancer treatment was done and through it all, I was there letting her know everything will be okay when all I wanted was to cry and throw things.

It was too much for us Ife I can’t even tell you what we went through. None of the eggs worked too. It was too much for her and she said she wanted to be alone for a while, to travel by herself and have some time to herself.

That was when I lost it.

I have been waiting on you hand and foot. Tip toeing around you and making everything about you. Everyone kept asking me to be strong for both of us and not once was I ever asked if I was okay. Not by her or by our family and friends. I didn’t complain,now that she’s well enough,

She wants to leave me alone for a while to go and be by herself. Two years Ife, the whole process from egg harvesting to cancer treatment and next thing she wants to travel to be by herself. I think all those emotions repressed just exploded.

I shouted and expressed myself in ways I shouldn’t have. But to be honest I don’t know if there was any other way I could have done it. She was just looking at me, not a word. And when I was done shouting, she said she had never seen me like that and she’s disappointed.

I just picked up my keys and tried to leave the house. She blocked the door and refused to allow me go. She kept telling me to speak my mind since I regret standing by her side through the whole process. That obviously I regret being stuck with her since she has no womb.

We said too many things we shouldn’t have said and I ended up leaving the house that day anyway. I returned early morning and she had packed her bags.I started begging that we should talk about it. She said was I the one that had his womb removed? Was I the one that had cancer?

was I the one that went through the pain of chemotherapy? Was I the one that had no viable eggs?

I was in pain Ife, more than when I was physically beaten. I know I didn’t go through all those but the fact that she didn’t think I shared the pain with her for two years.

I let her go because she looked determined to go. Her mother called me, my mother called me. Both of them insulted me for making her leave, for shouting at her when she was just recovering. They both advised me to give her some time which I did.

I regretted shouting at her but I knew it for a fact that I wasn’t being selfish for wanting to cry and shout and express myself.

She travelled to Abuja to be by herself then later out of the country. I was chatting with her, she would respond with one liners. Finally,

after 3 weeks of being away, she said she can’t be with me anymore. That my reaction showed that I would blame her for not being able to have kids. I convinced her we could adopt she said would I prefer my own child or an adopted kids.

I said I would prefer my own but due to the circumstances, I would happily adopt with her. She asked for more time to think, next thing I know, after another month, she said she’s staying back in the UK. That I should move on and find a woman with a womb.

I just stopped replying her and dumped all of me into work. I worked harder than usual but I was hurting badly for so many reasons. Some of my friends and siblings began to understand my frustrations but my parents and hers said I should give her more time.

We didn’t talk for 6 months but she started posting on Instagram again. The day she wrote in her friend’s comment that “we single people can’t relate” was when I knew I was a single man again. I screen munched and sent to her to please explain. She said she said what she said.

I filed for divorce immediately. I was tired of it all and I hoped the divorce will bring her back to her senses. She didn’t contest it.

We’ve been divorced for 3 years now and I’m still baffled as to how everything happened. I still blame myself sometimes, maybe I should have

waited for a while before expressing myself. Maybe I should also have taken time out when she took time out. She was my everything, maybe I shouldn’t have made her my everything.

She’s married now to a widower with kids. I think she’s very happy with him. I’m still single.