1/ Welcome to Monday in the independent republic of Brexitlandia
2/ Today was a significant day in the republic because in the words of @michaelgove the “humane” @AmberRuddHR resigned not for being inhumane but for inadvertently lying. Some considered it the Old Skool Porn Green manouvere of getting away from Brexit 💩
3/ And despite the fallout of the Windrush scandal the Maybot insisted that they were the right sort of foreigners but other foreigners were the wrong sort and need to be exported in a demonstration of Global Britain’s bright future 🤖
4/ And to prove her seriousness she appointed @sajidjavid who has an exemplary record in voting for measures that make the environment hostile if you are not “lucky” enough to be British 🇬🇧
5/ And for those of you who had forgotten about Brexit well the ball is still firmly in the UK’s court to put forward proposals to solve the Irish border
6/ @DavidDavisMP insisted he had put forward solutions. Tomorrow @MichelBarnier will add the words “realistic, workable and practical” before “solutions”.
7/ Meanwhile the Brexit death clock ticks on. The House of Lords votes for an amendment to give Parliament a range of options if the deal the Uk Government negotiates is, well, a bit shit
8/ Predictably Sith Lord @SteveBakerHW and Ghost of Victorian Past @Jacob_Rees_Mogg went bendy 🍌🍌🍌at this saying it was unprecedented for Parliament to act in a sovereign manner
9/ Which is funny because they campaigned to leave the EU to return sovereignty to the UK 👏👏👏
10/ Which is really funny because Parliament always was sovereign and the Government’s own white paper said as much 🤫🤫
11/ So basically they campaigned and voted for something they already had and now they see what it looks like they do not like it. And so they suggest things need to change because it is not what they voted for. To which I say...
12/ SUCK IT UP ❄️ ITS THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE
13/ And the great irony is that it was a Tory rebellion in 2012 that blocked reform of the House of Lords 🦖🦖🦖
14/ A further vote on giving the people a vote on the final deal did not carry because Labour are cowards 🐓🐓🐓
15/ I mean if the Cabinet still cannot agree what Brexit is meant to deliver in the real world after nearly 2 years of debate, one cannot really deny the people a chance to confirm/reject the final deal AND if the final deal is 💩why not have the chance to keep the old deal?
16/ After all this Brexit “adventure” is getting a bit pricey...
17/ What with the Bank of England spending £70bn on bonds and making £100bn available for commercial lending...
18/ And the Government finding a magic 💷🌴to bribe the DUP to the tune of £1.5bn
19/ Oh and @PhilipHammondUK putting aside a £60bn Brexit resilience fund 🦄🦄🦄
20/ And then investment between 2016 and 2017 being down by about £300bn 👻👻👻👻
21/Not forgetting the £35-39bn to pay as part of the withdrawal bill and which does not cover future payments for single market access 🤤
22/ At some point we will be better off but not before all the people who are the will of the people and all the ones who are not the will of the people are all 💀
23/ Amazing to think one letter from @theresa_may could revoke article 50 and save money, protect jobs, enhance growth, boost the UK’s standing and secure the status of over 4 million people without needing an app that may not work on an iPhone 🧞♀️
