Thread by @lorewilbert

Long one:

In past few years I've had the sad occasion to be around 15+ pastors who, when rebuked for areas of character growth or direct sin, responded in a few ways: They cried foul, claimed a coup against them, said they felt alone, or they cried, "Persecution!" 1/14

I'm not saying coups don't happen, but what made these situations diff was instead of running toward discipline, they turned & ran to "celebrity" pastors for shelter/defense instead of the elder boards confronting them in humility & the God who could truly handle their sin. 2/14

Sadly, I'm not alone in this experience of church leadership, I just had it in spades in a few year span. We limped back to Texas when we came, but we came knowing our leaders here, though mere men and women, do not respond to rebuke like this. 3/14

Yesterday a friend and I were talking through how to confront sin in a culture that responds like this and he said to me, 4/14

"If someone whose sin has been addressed lovingly, quietly, and humbly, over a long period of time, does not respond in repentance and so the addressing gains traction and is elevated both in sound and space, and he still cries "Persecution!" (or the equivalent), 5/14

he is a narcissist and no one can tell a narcissist what to do because he will always think he is the most right and has been done the most harm—regardless of the train wreck behind him."

Hang on, I'm going somewhere: 6/14

Shepherding is difficult work, yes. But when we have fresh seminary grads swimming out into the world, being promoted on "giftedness," rewarded for book smarts and networking abilities, but their character is not shaped, formed, and challenged in love *often,* 7/14

we get grown-up narcissists. I don't need to begin naming the men who are coming to mind. They started being outed 5+ years ago and now they're toppling fast, one after another, and still fresh seminary grads are hankering for their slice of the celebrity pie. 8/14

I'm begging you, seminary grads, take a lesser position, press yourself into the hidden places, serve the unseen folks, sweep the sawdust like Jesus did until he was 30. Invite rebuke. Invite correction. Ask again and again how to be more like Christ and then *listen.* 9/14

I'm begging you, church folk, don't be swayed by good sermons and gospel swagger, that stuff is cheap and easy to fake. Hire a pastor in his mid-forties who's been through the wringer of life or a washed up church planter who failed, knows it and sees value in being small. 10/14

Elders, if you see something, say something. Say it in humility, but keep saying it, even if you get ousted. The qualifications for being a pastor/elder are clear and if your pastor has disqualified himself by being demanding, domineering, or manipulative, say something. 11/14

Older pastors, faithful men who've been standing and sowing and reaping and praying and shepherding and failing and repenting and hearing and listening and weeping and leading—keep going, we see you. I know it might not feel like we see you, but we do. I do. God does. 12/14

I am praying for you, many of by name. For every narcissist who came to mind while I wrote this, another faithful shepherd came to mind. I'm praying you stand firm. I'm praying the narcissists keep falling though. 13/14

I'll catch flack for this, I know. I don't care. I love the Church too much to be silent. I despise narcissism. It wounds everyone. Pastor who feels alone, you are not alone: wounds of a friend are better than profuse kisses of an enemy.

If you're rebuked, you're *loved.* 14/14