Thread by @hwmaqbul

Young Desī man, congratulations on your upcoming marriage:

Some advice:

Under no circumstances can you agree to wear a pink turban with golden threads & sparkles, nor powder/blush your cheeks.

You'll get no where in life by being prettier than your bride.

If you serve machine slaughtered chicken on your wedding night, don't cry to me when your firstborn grows up to go to prison because he faked an arson and cried homophobia to collect to collect insurance money on his failed Qādiyānī-Grindr app startup office.

No matter how slick your awkward and grimy male relatives slip in, other than your father, none of them have the right to see, much less touch your bride.

Ghayrat isn't for your favorite sports team.

If you can't bring yourself to guard your wife, you may not be ready for one.

A dream marriage is one in which Allāh loves bride & groom and blesses them to love each other forever in this world & the next.

It isn't one in which you blow six figures riding in on an elephant (in pink Sherwani and blush).

If you got the money, buy a house.

If your future spouse insists on the Nikāh anywhere other than the masjid, don't be surprised when you die and your cremated ashes are spread over lake eerie after your inheritance is used to endow a chair for Qādiyānī studies (in your name, of course) at a local university.

If you're marrying a woman with more education or more money than you or is more pious than you, that's fine, in fact, it's awesome.

My advice is you always pay the rent, bills and food, never miss your prayers, lest you ever cede even the most basic of what makes you a man.

Pick your battles wisely.

Let in-laws choose the briyani as long as the meat is Halāl.

Shaytān attacks with intensity to match the goodness of deeds.

What do you think he'll do when he has a zombie army of hysterical aunties pitted at someone trying to fulfill half his Dīn?

Everything involves some compromise.

The only one who truly knows what her husband is up to is a widow.

The only man with a harmless set of in laws is an orphan(other than mine, I love you guys).

Manhood is in compromising on all but what is important & knowing the difference.

Acting tough with the Mrs. isn't a good idea.

Say I love you as if it was the breath of your marriage.

Being sweet is the superior method of persuading your wife to do what you want, both in how you speak to her & how you touch her.

If it doesn't come naturally, seek help.