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When propaganda fails.

1. This last week stood as a low point for me in the ongoing Russian attack on the West and specifically America. I was frustrated to the point of wanting to exit social media all together.
2. I saw friends go at each other on social media. I saw @POTUS approval rating remain within points of his usual low approval range. vox.com/policy-and-pol…
3. I did a search for the word “infighting” in a variety of language and saw that it isn’t just in America. It isn’t just on the left or right. Social media infighting is everywhere and being spurred on by bad actors. It all felt very overwhelming.
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As we had discussed, I undertook a sortie deep into the Red Sector during daylight, for to acquire solar LEDs string lights for the new protest sign. Despite my freak flag flying and our suspiciously fuel-efficient vehicle,
...festooned as it is with the "PISS OFF PUTIN - VOTE DEMOCRATIC" magnetic bumper sticker of the @HarleyRouda Campaign, I have returned unscathed, and our vehicle showing no obvious signs of bullet holes or other Red Hat vandalism.
I even managed polite interaction with the shopkeepers, who were clearly relieved to discover I speak with a slight twang and so at least I was unlikely to be MS-13. Just hairy.
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So, some of my followers will have undoubtedly wondered why I participated in the #secondcivilwarletters tweets.
This will be a thread, as the reasons are complicated.

It all started with Alex Jones.
tinyurl.com/ycgo6xeb
For those of us who were raised as fundamentalists and Republicans who were not to leave the party when we grew up - we learned our politics not only from debate club (private/public/homeschool) but also from people like Rush Limbaugh, Alex Jones and Glenn Beck.
When many of us grew up and finally escaped "the box" (as one has called it), or "the cult" as many of us have come to refer to our upbringing; we found other ""talking heads"" that we could learn from, and we listened to various voices such as NPR.
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#SecondCivilWarLetters
Today, I singlehandedly shut down one of America’s most inspiring monuments dedicated to immigrants.
Yes! Me, Myself, & I! I quickly regretted this protest as I couldn’t climb back down from the Statue of Liberty’s base tho. It’s scary doing protest stuff!
#Secondcivalwarletters After cowering in abject terror for several hours, the enemy provoked my awokedness by demanding that I climb back down...but I resisted. I clenched my teeth in a fierce grimace and attempted to channel my inner Bey-ness. I felt liberated! Then I fainted.
#SecondCivilWarLetters When I re-awoked I discovered the enemy had me surrounded with climbing harnesses and ropes. After waving some vegan candies in my face, I quickly succumbed to being taken into custody, but I defiantly left fingernail scratches on Lady Liberty’s foot first!
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Four score and seven hours ago, amandablount2 brought forth on this platform, a new meme conceived in humor, and dedicated to the proposition that we need to laugh.
#secondcivilwarletters

1
Now we are engaged in a fake civil war, testing whether our memetics, so hashtagged, so funny, can get us through.
We are memeing on the battlefield of that war.
#secondcivilwarletters
2
Even though senators have forsaken this great nation for Moscow, and next year might be the St. Petersburg Address, we cannot surrender our humor.
The battle has has been joined, but not yet won.
#secondcivilwarletters
3
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My Dearest Love:

Our Brigade has commenced preparation for the battle to come by picking raisins from the potluck potato salad the Gay Frog Brigade brought.

There is glitter - glitter everywhere. This shall be etched into my soul.

War is truly hell.

#SecondCivilWarLetters
PS

Small mercies in war are precious.

There is music wafting over the hill from the Red Hat camp.
My Dearest Love,

It has been 5 hrs since my last letter.

The Kitteh Soldiers were meant to melt the hearts & minds of the Red Hats, but instead became distracted by a butterfly & laser pointer.

Things are getting worse.

Please send chocolate.

#Secondcivalwarletters
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Twelve score and two years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. This was, of course, total bullshit. #SecondCivilWar #NewGettysburgAddress
Black men, Native men, and other men who were not white protestants from the right parts of Europe were certainly not treated as equals, and that's not even mentioning how women were completely left out of the whole Equality business. #SecondCivilWar #NewGettysburgAddress
Still, as a nation we soldiered on. Bit by bit we got our shit together. Women fought for the right to vote, and won. Black people fought for the right not to be treated as chattel, or second class citizens, and won. #SecondCivilWar #NewGettysburgAddress
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As much as I admit I'm enjoying #secondcivilwarletters and want to participate, I just can't.

Last month I saw the Massachusetts 54 Civil War monument in the Smithsonian, which I didn't know was there, and it filled me with such awe and pride I started to tear up. 1/x
This unit of black men who volunteered to fight for our country was nearly annihilated storming a confederate fort that never feel during the Civil War. That's depicted in the fantastic 89 film Glory. As is the mass burial of the unit with their white officers. 2/x
What's not clear in that movie is the fact that mass graves in the 1860s were a violation of international law and a war crime. It almost never happened during the Civil War, yet it did to the Mass 54. Such contempt was shown this unit of American soldiers that 3/x
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Excellency,

Having succeeded in mobilizing the Knights of Columbus, the Pennsylvanian Sanfedisti Army marches on Harrisburg. Tell the Holy Father that the Triregnum and the Keys will fly over the State Capital by the end of the month.

Kissing your ring,

#SecondCivilWarLetters
Sacrum Pennsilvanium Imperium

Heiliges Pennsilfaanisch Reich
If I lived in the Southwest, I could dream about reuniting el Virreinato de la Nueva España or el Imperio Mexicano. Being an East Coast boy, I have to dream of something new.
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Dearest Husband:

With heavy heart I report to you our homestead is overrun by flatulent individuals with heads adorned in red caps displaying #MAGA.

Do not despair, for they seem unconcerned with reality, milling about their leader, who does lie often.

#secondcivilwarletters
Dearest Husband:

It has been reported seven senators are at this very moment keeping company with the very enemy which wishes to destroy us.

This sedition cannot stand unopposed! We must meet them in the streets, in the Capitol and at the ballot box!

#secondcivilwarletters
Dearest Husband:

I send this missive on the eve of our big campaign. Days long, heat oppressive, yet we push forward—the enemy distracted by inane ramblings of their leader, who suffers from imaginary, yet debilitating bone spur disease. Prevail, we must!

#secondcivilwarletters
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My Little Red Hen,
We are exhausted from caging toddlers and we found that the local saloon would not serve as as our hats were red and did not suit. This civil war lacks civility. Old man Dershowitz was runnin' wild today howlin' at the moon. The war has done stole his wits...
General Sessions has promised that all the men with no conscience won't have to drill tomorrow. Colonel Pruitt has been taken by the fits and burns every field and poisons every river willy-nilly. We worry on account of he seems addle-pated but wont no one right him.
We hear from the capital that all is well and Mizz Devos told us we were winnin'. We need torches and are low on facts. We skirmished with some blues in a small town called Killpeopleburg. Lost some fine people. We were cruelly mislead into this costly and unjust conflict
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#secondcivilwarletters
My Dearest Maria,
Today we were engaged in a great battle just outside the Golden Gate. As our brigade was about to encamp for the afternoon after a long and arduous bike ride from the Presidio we encountered a whole division of Kekistan regulars...
They were the feared Spencer's Raiders (Das Alt-Reichengroupen) which had plagued the streets of Charlottesville. The enemy spotted our advance guard and opened fire with a cannonade of talking points memos. General Flores sounded the advance and our brave men and women dug...
defensive positions including a complete brestworks and ramparts around the the WiFi hotspot. I had a meme fly right past my head which knocked off my garrison cap. Luckily your devoted husband was uninjured.

The enemy breached our forward positions and were advancing on the..
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My Dearest Beloved,
It has been but a fortnight since we last saw the enemy but their presence is felt as we march through the chard remains of Bowling Green, MAGA hats litter the ground everywhere.
#secondcivilwarletters
It would be incorrect to say there was a massacre, but keeping with the times I will do so anyway.

While the other side has natural advantages in their sheer abundance of camouflage vests our rations, from what prisoners tell me, are considerably better.

#SecondCivilWarLetters
Can you believe they have naught a scrap of avocado toast on the other side!? One can’t imagine such a life. I have furthermore come to learn that very few of their military commissaries have Edison light blues, such barbarity.

#SecondCivilWarLetters
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Dearest Ma,
They wanted me to fight but I knew I could do more here with my many Russians bots and cloth diapers. You see owning the libs is merely a state of mind and a matter of likes and retweets.
Your son
Charlie Kirk
#secondcivilwarletters
As I watch the battles rage I am glad that I am wearing my tactical polo shirts and am slathered with Ritz Carlton lotion. Do protect the Christian chicken franchise. Also I’m not having an affair with any of my employees. Love Scott #SecondCivilWarLetters
Dearest Jared, please know that father has high hopes for you to end this war. Also I might be leaving you for @JustinTrudeau. Love Ivanka #secondcivilwarletters
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MAGA'ers trying to troll #secondcivilwarletters tweets is seriously one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
"You're not funny."

Yes, that's because you don't get the joke.
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My dearest husband,

My regiment dressed in silence this solemn morn donning sensible sweaters for what was to come. At last this terrible war is upon us.

While smartly dressed, the enemy's resolve withered beneath our gestures of defiance

I shall make today's cookout after all
p.s. feel free to steal this pic and make your own #secondcivilwarletters
Note: photo credit to Andrew Shurtleff for Daily Progress.

This pic has been memed a thousand times but Mr. Shurtleff/Daily Progress may well have an opinion on its use.
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My dearest husband,

The sisters and I have devised the most brilliant of plans! We lured the redneck MAGAts to the open pastures by setting up moonshine distilleries. Once gathered, we annihilated the booze with potato canons, which we stole from the drunkards.
Their tears on anguish were more than enough to fill our bongs, from which we smoked our weed with their Republican Tears.

Love,
Your Nasty Wife

#secondcivilwarletters
P.S.
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My Darling, After a stunning victory at Bowling Green our unit refueled with hot cups of Covfefe. We received our updates From General M. Obama via microwave, so we were prepared for the sea of MAGA hats & ill-fitting khakis. Why have they no tailors? #secondcivilwarletters
Dearest, Be heartened. Our moral is lifted by fantastic music as we have all of the rhythm & artistic talent on our side. We also have the science, which is helpful for so many reasons. And yet, still, I have seen horrors. The grammar, my god, the grammar. #secondcivilwarletters
Beloved, We dealt them a stunning blow today. We raided the buy one get one free sale at Lowe's. There are no tiki torches for miles. How shall the straight, white men with all the power now cry out in agony now? We shall prevail. #secondcivilwarletters
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Dearest, there was a blitz attack near Bowling Green, where Twitter fell...for a few minutes. It was actually pretty annoying. #secondcivilwarletters
The alt-right then detonated a fake news bomb on FB that jammed up the servers. This has only helped us, as some boomers had to wait for their kid’s help to get back online. Those kids are with us, & they took their time getting there. Creating a diversion. #secondcivilwarletters
We’ve lost some good ones to covfefe traps, but we have hope they’re still literate. The battle rages on, my love. I hope to one day be able to swipe right on you again. Sincerely yours. #secondcivilwarletters
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My dearest Kaeyhleigh:

The unlikely Alliance, brokered by @popehat between #nevertrump forces led by @TheRickWilson and #MAGA forces led by General @seanspicer, has succesfully pushed back the radical Canadians in the North. And only just in time.

#secondcivilwarletters
Prime Minster Gretzky has proven tougher than we thought and has given his commander, General Beiber, the green light for all kinds of attacks.
In the west the #stillwithher alliance led by secretary General @WhoopiGoldberg sustained heavy losses today.

#secondcivilwarletters
They have been unable to replentish their Kale rations which have dwindled as supply lines havr thinned. It's so bad that one can now travel for minutes and not see a stsrbucks or whole foods.

That said, their courage against the Canadians is amazing.

#SecondCivilWarLetters
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#secondcivilwarletters
My Darling Clara,
I write to you today along the Twittermattox timeline where the infirmary tents continue to fill without cessation, the woods ringing with the barking despairs hollowed-eyed souls driven to madness by butthurt and sick burns.
I have done what I can to stanch the outbreaks of gangrene and capslock but I fear there will be no respite, as Colonel Trump's militia and the Resisters have vowed victory, even down to the final lunatic, and I am running low on bandages and alcohol.
The situation has become desperately hilarious and I fear that I, like so many others, shall lose my own buttocks to the dark laughter. I implore you my dearest to please pray for my buttocks and send more alcohol.

Your Faithful and Devoted BAE,
David
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Dear Mom,

The fighting has commenced. General Clinton gave us a rousing speech to remind us that we are stronger together and that is the only way we can & will defeat the enemy. At night you can hear the screams of the racists like wounded dogs.

#secondcivilwarletters
The bombs light up the sky and remind me of #4thofJuly when I was a child. Those hot summer nights in the South surrounded by friends and family. When we had a real President and racists remained in the shadows.

#secondcivilwarletters
As I write this I can hear Sgt Sanders whining to General Clinton that he wanted to give the speech. She had to settle him down by giving him a raise of $27.00 for each battle. Sgt Sanders is appeased for now but his regiment is unsettled. #secondcivilwarletters
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So there's this thing about #SecondCivilWarLetters going around and what I see are a bunch of glib white people mocking white suburbia, so let me post some of my Second Civil War letter, one I actually wrote shortly before I was surrounded by 300 men with torches and gassed.
I've been trying to write my legacy so that my story lives on if I don't. And the hardest, but most important legacy to leave has been about love.

#SecondCivilWarLetters
Christine has been the jewel of my life, and I owe to her a thousand times over a thousand times the love she has given me. I want to get through tomorrow to spend a long life together, crafting new tales, finding new adventures.

#SecondCivilWarLetters
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