Thread by @soychicka

The whole point of this revolution is not to undo the trauma we've suffered, but to prevent it from even being an option for impacting the young.

New rules, starting now:

If you were an awkward teenage boy, pushing hands further than they should have gone

https://twitter.com/RadioFreeTom/status/1041465453984575488

If you have skeletons in your closet, you're responsible for every year they spent sitting, decaying...

Because as time goes by, you get clean, sanitized white bones while those who harm was perpetrated against continue to have their flesh peel away in perpetuity.

If you have harmed someone in the past, you'll know.
You'll remember.

Write them a letter and have someone you trust who will call you on your shit read it before sending it. Do not visit them, do not call them; you don't know how that can ruin their day, week, month... life.

Chances are, as the 'perpetrator,' you don't realize the degree to which they've been harmed. Assume it's worse than you assume, and behave accordingly.

Tell them what you think happened, and the reasons why you did it.

Tell them what you have done to make reparations to the world, and how you plan to make reparations to them. Volunteer. Replace that which was has been broken, even if for someone other than the one you harmed.

Tell them why you were stupid, but don't expect them to find it in the least sufficient.

And ask them to tell you how it impacted them, and how you can try to restore some of what they've lost.

And FFS, don't send them a check.

Don't even expect them to read the letter.
Don't assume that you are forgiven.

And until you are, keep volunteering, keep helping others who have experienced what you put them through.

Because then, maybe, you'll come to understand the scope of your impact, and work to keep the harm you have done from befalling anyone else.

Because THAT is what every survivor wants.
To keep what happened to them from causing someone else pain.

And if you've done this, and still find it acceptable to seek a position of power, unless that individual clearly states otherwise:

DO NOT seek a position of power which subjugates them to your judgement... that just makes them feel threatened, as if they're your victim again.

So, yup. That means no on running for president, seeking a seat on the supreme court, no governor of the state in which they live, no boss, no pastor, no county board member.

Because if anyone you've already victimized should feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable...

it's not them that should have to move when you choose to follow your ambition.

It's you.

And this - this is the start of a new era.

It's not time for all sins to be forgiven. But it's time to try to clear the slate, to become cognizant, and to offer recompense for some of the harm you know you've caused.

And women recognize the difference between blind awkward fumbling in the dark and manipulation, between someone trying for something that goes a little farther than desired and someone who just takes what they want no matter what.

But, if you tried to silence her by muffling her screams,
If you slipped something in her drink to make her compliant...
If you threatened her before, during, or afterwards to keep her silent,

If you solicited a friend
to stand guard outside a room,
to help you hold her down,
or otherwise keep something clearly criminal a secret...

That is not what this is. That is not something you can escape.

You're as fucked as you tried to make her.

But if you're not that kind of an asshole, chances are, you've lucked out anyway and any potential statute of limitations has expired.

So if you're worried about that, well... lucky you.

But this is what I'm going to suggest for the rest of you:

Write it down. Share it with your wife, or with your mother. They deserve to know.

They'll know if you should send it.

And guess what? By taking that first step towards undoing the harm you've done to others, it shows that you've filled in some of the gaps in moral character you once had, and that you understand the consequences of your actions.

It shows you have grown.

And this is the time to do it. Now.

Not next year. This year.
By the end of 2018.

2018... the year that things will start to be washed clean.