Thread by @HNIJohnMiller

1) Deep in the offices of the FBI at Washington DC, two tired and forlorn FBI agents sat with their head in their hands, shuddering as the news came over the TV that the Senate was requesting a one week 'probe' into 'any existing credible allegations.'

2) "Jesus fucking CHRIST, Matt, they want us to do WHAT?!? We already looked into this shit! They already have statements! What the fuck do they want us to do, collect statements saying the same thing AGAIN?!?" One of them burst out, almost sobbing.

3) "Adam, Adam, its ok man, its ok. I have an idea," Matt sighed as he lifted his head. "Look, they said up to a week, right?"

Adam, the sobbing FBI agent, caught his breath for a moment. "What? What do we do?"

4) A giant bottle of Russian vodka acquired during the 'Muh Russia' investigation hit the table. "We get more drunk than Brett Kavanaugh at a high school Beach Week party, and go completely blackout."

".... why?"

"Because fuck this. We resend the previous statement tomorrow."

5) Adam picked up the bottle, swirling it as he thought it over. "You think... that will work?"

"I mean, we'll need a chaser. This vodka is HARSH," Matt shrugs.

Looking to the side of the desk, there were a pair of diet coke cans that had magically appeared.

6) "Where the fuck did those come from, and would they work as chasers?"

"No idea, and do we have to get up to get them? No. Bottoms up."

7) As the two FBI agents proceeded to get absolutely blasted on Russian vodka chased with diet coke, @fridgeintern stood around the corner panting, his drink distributing skills having been put to the test. Slipping away down an empty hallway he pulled out his cell to make a call

8) Standing around the phone, having put it immediately on speaker once it rang, Trump, McConnell, and Kavanaugh stood around the table watching it, waiting for sound to come out.

After a long pause, McConnell looked up. "Uh, boss. Question."

Trump muttered out, "Yeah?"

9) "Why did you tell the guy WHO DOESN'T EVER TALK to call us when the job was done," McConnell asked confused as hell.

"Chyeah, brah, I'm, uh, actually kind of a bit confused at that myself," Kavanaugh asked between sips from his beer-filled camelbak.

10) Trump's mouth opened slightly with a finger raised, but he stopped as the wheels turned in his head. "Fuck. That was fucking stupid. FRIDGE! Just get your ass back here and pick up another 12 pack on your way back."

/end