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John Bull @garius
, 10 tweets, 2 min read Read on Twitter
STARMER: So IN THEORY the Attorney General gets up, publishes the Brexit legal advice and we all leave happy
MCDONNELL: Geoff Fox?
STARMER: Yup
MCDONNELL: A man the Sheriff of Nottingham would tell to calm down a bit?
STARMER: Yup
MCDONNELL That's not happening then
STARMER: Nope
MCDONNELL: So assuming the Brexit legal advice isn't published, what next?
STARMER: We write...
MCDONNELL: Yes?
STARMER: ...a letter!
MCDONNELL:
STARMER:
MCDONNELL: Wait, that's it?
STARMER: Oh It'll be pretty strongly worded. Trust me.
MCDONNELL: Well thank God for that
STARMER: You need to realise how serious this letter is
MCDONNELL: Oh do tell
STARMER: It means contempt of Parliament! That's serious! With actual punishment!
MCDONNELL: Okay now we're talking tell me more
STARMER: There's a small fine attached!
MCDONNELL:
STARMER: I know right!
MCDONNELL: So our plan is to embarrass Geoff Fox and Theresa May, who have shown no tendency to give any actual fucks about Parliamentary tradition, through the threat of a small fine
STARMER: Yes
MCDONNELL: It's a shit plan Keir
STARMER: Do you have a better one?
MCDONNELL: Fair
MCDONNELL: Okay. Write the letter
STARMER: Well, there is a bit I left out
MCDONNELL:
STARMER: You're not going to like it
MCDONNELL: Keir
STARMER: We need more than just Labour signatures so
MCDONNELL: You need me to talk to the Crankies don't you?
STARMER: yeah
MCDONNELL: FUCK
MCDONNELL: Here. Done. The Scots are in.
STARMER: Ace! I got the Greens, Liberals and DUP!
MCDONNELL: You got the DUP? How?!
STARMER: Don't ask

<earlier>

STARMER: Sign here please
ARLENE: OK. Wait, what's this?
STARMER: Um, renewable energy rebate?
ARLENE: Oh right no worries
MCDONNELL: Great job! What happens now?
STARMER: Needs to clear Standards and Privileges Committee. But there are always 3 Labour MPs on that so
MCDONNELL: Shit
STARMER: What?

<a month ago>

MCDONNELL: Jess Philips? S&P Committee
CORBYN: <wry grin>
MCDONNELL: Okay I'll block her
STARMER: You BLOCKED Jess Philips for Standards?
MCDONNELL: Jez told me to!
STARMER: TOLD you?
MCDONNELL: He smiled wryly
STARMER:
MCDONNELL: He doesn't speak Keir. Wanna know how hard my job is? Last week I thought he was now pro 2nd ref. Turned out he was just holding in a fart
DON'T FORGET! This is only the latest part of the Brexit adventures. You can start them here:

And if you enjoy these, then yay! If you've got a couple of quid you can buy me a coffee here: ko-fi.com/garius
EDITOR'S NOTE: Apols for Fox/Cox typos. Note to self: don't write these at 1am in future.
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More from @garius see all

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Okay. So you're all going to have to massively ignore me for a second. Because I am about to fanboy the SHIT out.

And it is about an amazing writer who got a stubborn little kid (me) who is now a writer (still me) to read.
So when I was a kid, I used to love TV, particularly scifi and cartoons. Basically anything with a plot.

But I wasn't big on reading. That was meh.

Then my mum introduced me to Doctor Who novelisations at about age nine. And I DEMOLISHED them. But that was ALL I would read
I think I LOVED the stories, but I was still not that fussed about reading. Because it felt like extra effort. I mean, why not just WATCH them if you can instead?

But then my teacher said: "oh you like Doctor Who. Did you know we have Star Trek books in the school library?"
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JAVID: Welcome to COBRA. I'd like to introduce Sgt Gary, our Gold Commander for the current immigration crisis
SGT GARY: Sir. What's the scale of the problem?
JAVID: 9
SGT GARY: Blimey! 900?
JAVID: No, 9
SGT GARY:
JAVID:
SGT GARY: Are you worried they can't field a full eleven?
JAVID: I think we can agree that this is an immigration crisis of unparalleled proportions. Tough action is called for!
SGT GARY: Are we still talking about NINE people?
JAVID: I have a note here that another four have turned up
SGT GARY: Well at least they have a subs bench now
JAVID: This is a threat to our national security
SGT GARY: 13 desperate people in a dinghy?
JAVID: They're in Folkestone! There's a nuclear power station!
SGT GARY: And also a really nice miniature railway. You think they're after that too?
JAVID: Oh no!
SGT GARY: I was JOKING
Read 9 tweets
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I don't think tea sellers are spotting that game streamers are MASSIVE tea drinkers

Because if you're pulling a 6hr sesh on camera you need hydration that:

1) Tastes nice
2) Isn't beer/coffee

I had to send @BirdandBlendTea to Z because it was PAINFUL watching him drink Liptons
@BirdandBlendTea With my Digital Influencer hat on (the weird embarrassing hat I don't like putting on too much) I do wonder if this is an area micro-sponsorship that no one is leveraging here

We get offered games discount codes for followers all the time. Why aren't we offered the same for tea?
@BirdandBlendTea It's CONSTANTLY being seen (and taste-tested) on screen and is cheap to ship samples of.

@itsZdan LITERALLY has a !tea command so you can see what he's drinking (Which I'm totally stealing!)

Micro-sponsorships fascinate me. They're win-win and we don't think creatively enough.
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06/01/2019 - 78 years ago today, the longest-serving #UnitedStates #President, #Franklin D. #Roosevelt (#FDR) addressed the 77th #Congress with his "#Four #Freedoms" speech with the intent to shift #US #foreign #policy from that of #neutrality to #interventionist.
#FDR promoted the idea that the people of the world, in all nations, shared entitlement to four freedoms: that of the freedom of speech and expression, the freedom of worship, the freedom from want and the freedom from fear.
#FDR is arguably one of the most 'successful' #US Presidents. Some would argue that on the basis of his numerous social policies such as 'the New Deal'. Others, however, would argue that his role during the second world war was more prevalent to his success & everlasting legacy.
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There an awful lot of extremely right wing Conservatives, with links to the libertarian think tanks based on Tufton Street, commenting on @BBCNews at the moment... #Brexit #ConfidenceVote
So far this afternoon/evening... Jacob Rees Mogg (GLOBAL BRITAIN), Michael Gove (VOTE LEAVE, THE NEW CULTURE FORUM), Owen Paterson (BRUGES GROUP, UK2020), John Whittingdale (VOTE LEAVE), Chris Grayling (VOTE LEAVE)... plus Nigel Farage (LEAVE . EU)... and someone from OPEN EUROPE
plus... Andrew Bridgen (LEAVE MEANS LEAVE)
Read 27 tweets
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The #Brexit legal advice blown massive hole in PM’s so called deal.
❗️GB would be a “third country according to NI”.
❗️NI would have full SM access, putting Scotland at competitive disadvantage
❗️UK might become subject to protracted & repeated rounds of negotiations 1/3
2/3 Here is the letter in full across two tweets. It shows a complete failure of May’s negotiation, because she backed herself into an impossible position as she drew so many conflicting red lines.
The PM is now in an even more desperate and precarious position.
3/3 there is no way this will be accepted by UK Parliament next week. It is due to be rejected by Holyrood later too. There are different paths available to us, we don’t have to accept this nonsense.
Read 3 tweets
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There seem to me to be three key paragraphs in the Attorney General's legal advice to the Prime Minister on the Protocol on Ireland/Northern Ireland - the 'backstop - in the Withdrawal Agreement.

Here they are. 1/4

Para 16: The Protocol will "endure indefinitely".
Para 30: The review mechanism does not provide a unilateral route out of the backstop. 2/4
Para 33 (conclusion): There is a legal risk that UK could become stuck in "protracted and repeating rounds of negotiations". 3/4 #Brexit #Art50
Read 4 tweets
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Meanwhile, the UK government has been found in #ContemptOfParliament, . Ayes 311 Noes 293 for refusing to reveal the AG's #Brexit legal advice.
#GeoffreyCox yesterday on why his secrets were "guarding the public interest" #BrexitLegalAdvice #ContemptOfParliament
Never forget, the Tory's spawning ground @OxfordUnion censored Heather Marsh when she explained exactly who that public was whose interests were being protected. #BrexitLegalAdvice #ContemptOfParliament #Epstein Thread 👇
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Attorney General Geoffrey Cox confirming the below reasoning in his comments now to Commons
“It’s a trap” shouts Tory MP when Cox says “There is no unilateral right for either party to terminate this arrangement”
Cox asks for MPs that although Brexit stirs high emotion they should show “wisdom and forebearance, calm and measured analysis”
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