Thread by @CSenco

I’m about to go Twitter dark for like 6 months so here’s part one of a drafted tweet I was too cowardly to post (1/2 THREADS, it’s a lot):

Chip Yong Ni-
Inspired by booze, boredom and @pptsapper, I present to you my inaugural ramblings concerning the Battle of Chipyong Ni.

So, no shit, there we were (that’s where I’m obligated to start, right?), embroiled in the back and forth conflict (yup, not a war, but tell that to the Mud-feet... Mud-foots? Anyways...) known as the Korean War.

At the time of the battle, we can easily report that this was not a “forth” portion of the back and forth between the UN Forces and the Chinese Communists, and the PLA had handily turned this episode of “How Many Times Can We Bomb Seoul Flat” into an especially dark one.

We’re talking like the Seventh Heaven episode where Shiri Appleby joins a gang dark. Will Smith gets mugged and shot in a Fresh Prince of Bel-Air episode dark. Long story short, the PLA is rolling back the UN Forces southwards like a rug you bought at that stand on a FOB

that you have no idea whether or not you overpaid for but your buddy insists its a super good deal, but you’re pretty sure he knows he overpaid for his but doesn’t want to be the only one who fell for it so he talked you into it too. Wait-

OK yeah, the UN’s giving up ground like its going out of style, because SOME asshole wanted to drive all the way to the Yalu river and hint at going beyond it, against the recommendations of like EVERYONE.

“Hey Mac, we had a hard enough time with the DPRK, maybe don’t antagonize the millions, LITERALLY MILLIONS, of dudes to the north who are the only cats in the area with the beef to hold down the UN Forces and make us all eat those white dog turds at the local park”

And Mac-dog’s all “Nah, brah. I have an extremely questionable battle record with one recent success that I will leverage to claim a level of military genius that history has very little data to support, that alone will carry the day”.

So, yeah, he turns out to be wicked mistaken and the US, UK, Aussies, Colombians (YUP) and everyone else are falling back like its going out of style and thennn on 12 February we are introduced to the mighty 23rd Regimental Combat Team.

Led by the man, COL Paul “I’m not a fan of this ‘retreating’ you speak of” Freeman, the regiment consists of 3 Infantry Battalions, 1 French Infantry Battalion, an artillery battalion, an air defense battery, an Engineer battalion and a Ranger Company.

So basically the ideal ingredient list for a recipe known as “Uh-Oh, The Game’s a Lot Different When You Run Into a Prepared Defense, Isn’t It Motherfuckers”. Oh and a “French Infantry Battalion” you say? Yeah. Sorry, no, not yeah but FUCK yeah.

Led by non other than a gentleman named Raoul “I’d Rather Be Stacking Bodies” Magrin-Vernerey, a Lieutenant General who, since the French only agreed to send a battalion of Infantry to Korea and was entirely too high ranking to participate, did the only logical thing

he could think of and DEMOTED HIMSELF TO LIEUTENANT COLONEL so he could get back in the fight. So COL Freeman looks around and wryly remarks, “This position is tenable, but logic dictates that we fall back” and, presumably... via an aide...

GEN Ridgway’s all “You feel like falling back, dog?” COL Freeman’s all staring out at the surrounding hillsides and’s like: “Nah, brah. I feel like doin’ WORK” and they both laugh, fist bump, and put their cigars back in their mouth, lit end first, because that’s how ballers roll

So they commence to diggin for a couple days before the assholes get there to crash the party. Basically everyone with Infantry in their names gets a hill to defend and everyone else is dialing in their shit for maximum PLA ventilation. The Chinese are looking at those dudes like

“Who TF are these dudes, haven’t they heard that we’re the new hotness in town” and they commit the 39th Army, plus divisions from two other armies. Yeah, I said “Army”. These fools threw enough troops at the 23rd RCT to need to use “Army” as a unit of measure for their element.

So the 13th comes and the PLA doesn’t attack and just flows around the 23rd to completely surround them. Once they’re convinced its gonna be a “Hannibal at Canae” kind of day, they attack. To their dismay, the Infantry bros don’t even get up from their hard-earned naps to fight

and just look at their 37th Arty bros and hook a thumb at the PLA nerds trying to start shit. The 37th shellacks the PLA dorks so bad the Infantrymen actually get up from their hooches, because who doesn’t want to watch the big guy hold the little guy at arms length by the head

while he swings his little arms and just repeatedly gets himself kicked in the junk. Anyways the day ends and the Infantrymen don’t even have to fire a shot, which is great because no one likes cleaning their weapons.

So nighttime comes and Chinese are like,

“Ok if we attack at night, there’s no spotting us for arty or air strikes” and attack at midnight. Now if you’ve never witnessed what happens when an Infantryman is woken up when it’s not his turn for guard, you’re incredibly lucky. The PLA were less so.

They decided to take shots at, among others, a young Corporal Otteson. So, a couple things are working against the Chinese here: One, CPL Otteson was a machine gunner, so he carried a heavy fucking gun he probably hated it and the heavy fucking ammo he definitely hated around for

who knows how fucking long and if anyone was ready to get rid of some of that ammo and hate, it was him. Two, CPL Otteson was a Corporal, and if there’s any Soldiers that everyone from Privates to Generals avoid, its Corporals.

Corporals are some of the most hateful fucking people in the entire world, and they pretty much spend their every waking hour looking for ways to make people regret being alive. So CPL Otteson, with the help of his friends and some handy dandy parachute flares from the 37th,

unloads his hate and fury into and around the unfortunate souls trying to keep him from his sweet, sweet rack time, and they eventually retreat.
So by the morning, COL Freemans got 100 casualties and some pesky mortar shrapnel in his leg.

Of course they try to evacuate him and he’s like “Nah, brah. There’s killin to be done”. But all told, the PLA’s Operation: “Discern the US Forces Location” had turned into Operation: “Holy Shit Guy Calm the Fuck Down What the Hell”, So now that it’s light, (cont’d in sep thread)