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Academics, scholars, and researchers! Give me 3 emojis that summarize your latest research, and I’ll write you a click-bait headline based solely on them. 😏

#academia #researchemojis #scicomm
You'll Never Believe Why This Cow Left a Temple With 5 Fingers

Exclusive: What Happened The Day Broadway Exploded

Only One Woman Knows What Drama Is Coming: And She's Not Telling

The Untold Story of Free Willy and the Boy Who Searched the World For Him

Fishing Is So Boring, One Man Died Doing It

Why Do People Find Bonobo Penis Fencing So Interesting?

How The Little Drummer Boy Became an Organ Donor

This Volcano Is Blowing Up, But Not For The Reasons You Think!

Doctors Warn You Should Never Drink a Test-Tube Martini

Lost Footage Found of Michael Jackson Moonwalking at the Parthenon

Millennials Are Recycling Everything, Even Burial Urns

What Kind of Ghost Is Your Kid? Take This Video Quiz to Find Out!

Why Do Millennials Wear Monocles? The Answer May Surprise You!

Queen Elizabeth Says the Pen Is Mightier Than the Sword, Makes Palace Guards Give Up Their Guns

Elon Musk Shoots Basketball Into Space: You'll Never Believe What Happens Next!

Researchers Warn Your Laptop May Give You An Actual Virus

The One Weird Reason The Ancient Greeks Used Horses As a Cure-All

Is Elon Musk's Next Project a Space Cemetery?

Cow Farts Are Oldest Percussive Instrument, Archaeologists Claim

Ben Hur Production Assistant Speaks Out On Deathbed

Exclusive Video of Angela Merkel Reaping What She Sowed

Get Rich Quick With This Crazy Scheme to Recycle Diamonds

Scientists Have Determined How Long It Takes for a Dog to Eat a Corpse: It's Shorter Than You Think!

You'll Never Believe What Millennials Will Pay for the Latest Food Craze: Creamed Chipped Beef

Coming This Summer on the History Channel: The Honeymooners Reality Show

Ancient Urn Full of Gouged-Out Eyeballs Puzzles Archaeologists

Mosquito Evolves Into A Baby, Is Caught On Camera!

The Rain in France Falls Mainly on the Plants

This Medieval Pilgrim Was Decapitated As He Prayed, Archaeologists Say

Biologists Turn On Music, Discover Sea Stars Can Do The Wave

Nationwide Survey of College Students Shows Stunning Lack of Classes in Responsible Drug Use

This One Little Trick Will Convince Any Brit to Go Camping

Panda Karaoke Is Sweeping The World! Click to Find a Bar Near You

Saturday Night Fever Hits Spain, Hundreds Dead

Historians Discover 'Dance Plant' Key to Rise of Industrial Agriculture

Washing Your Hands with Cremains Removes 99% of Germs, GOOP Founder Gwyneth Paltrow Says

Meet the One Professor Who Actually Made Money on Her First Book

Today's Horoscope: Libras Make the World Go 'Round

'Ghost Robot' Starring Nic Cage Picks Up Surprising Award

You'll Never Believe What Primatologists Found When They Returned to Monkey Island

This One Song Can Wake the Dead, Make Them Dance

Infertility Specialists Say Carbs Are Key To Getting Pregnant

Why Do Women Scientists Out-Perform Their Male Peers?

Live Now: Dragon Invades Temple, Chaos Ensues

Move Over 'Movies with Goats' - Millennials Are Pooping With Goats, Wiping With Plants

Boxing Match on Desert Island Ends In Dramatic Rescue

Librarian Finds 'Klaatu barada nikto' Inscribed in Book, Summons Hell Demon

Doctors Finally Agree: Running Sucks and Will Kill You

When Rotated, These Books' Spines Make a Graph

Scientists Find That Women Who Hold Hands Sweat Profusely

Google Maps Has Caused A Decrease In Average IQ, Cartographers Report

Caterpillars Are Sole Remaining Users of Print Newspapers

You Can Lead a Horse to a Temple, But You Have to Smack It to Get It Moving

You'll Never Believe What This Ancient Sacrificial Text Says

Traces of Tobacco Discovered in Ancient Greece Stun Scientists

Cross-Cultural Analysis of Emotions Reveals If You're Happy and You Know It, You Will Clap Your Hands

Pediatricians Find Cyndi Lauper's 'Time After Time' Heals Sick Babies

Pirate Weddings Are Latest Gen-Z Trend, Sociologists Discover

Becoming a Lawyer Takes Time and Money, Unless You Use This Classic Trick!

This Paused Computer Is Outside Under the Clouds

(* since this is my husband, I made our 5yo do this one!)

Dead Cameras Are Expensive to Replace: These Are The Best For Any Budget

Early Education Specialists Find Babies Love Flags

President Trump Rallies Supporters With Promise of New Lizard Chow Factory in Peoria

This One Trick With a Cross Can Transform a Hospital Into a Church

Lost 'I Love Lucy' Episode Shows Original Ending for 'Bitter Grapes'

Scientists Warn Against New Christmas Decorating Trend: Ladybugs and Strawberries Are Pretty But Dangerous

Nunsense! Convent's New Emoji Sign Angers Men

Massive Suppository Based on African Medicine Latest GOOP Foray into the Male Health Market

Dr. Oz Offers $5 Million To Anyone Who Can Turn a Salad Into a Steak

When You Hear Who Believes In Reincarnation, You'll Be Surprised!

Lost Duet from David Bowie and Garth Brooks Resurfaces: Listen Here!

You Too Can Make Money Working From Home!

FBI Warns Not To Buy Human Hair Wigs After DNA Test Leads To Woman Mistakenly Arrested for Murder

Up To 90% Of All Halloween Decorations Now Made By Robots, Industry Insiders Reveal

Men Who Share Custody of a Pet Pig Need Fewer Medications, Doctors Find

Interstate Car Chase Ends in Cremains Spill, Jail Time

Extroverts Are Luckier Than Introverts, Psychologists Claim

People Magazine Reports Celebrities Who Take Up Bowling Add Years To Their Lives

PETA Upset With Scientists Who Taught Mice to Swear

** It's 5pm here, which means I'm taking a break to make and eat dinner. More click-bait in an hour or so! **


** Cracks fingers. You guys, I'm SO far behind now... **
Horses Learn to Gallop At the Same Time As Babies Learn To Walk, Veterinarians Insist

Purple States Can Go To Hell, Mike Pence Tells FOX News

Archaeologists Find Skeleton of Grimace in Athenian Cemetery, Making Children Everywhere Cry

Chefs Around The World Agree: Yeast Is Just Bread Farts

Cactus Races Can Lead to Injury or Death, APA Warns

You're Right: Nothing Can Kill Those Annoying Little Inchworms In Your House. Just Burn It To The Ground.

Christopher Nolan Confirms He's In Talks to Direct New Batman-E.T. Mashup

TSA Warns Passengers Not To Bring Bones on Airplanes

BREAKING: Sentient Laptop and DSLR Mate, Produce Robot. RUN!

Tattoo Artists Pioneer New Method of Piercing Removal

Drake Releases Sequel to 'Hotline Bling': Listen Here!

10 Doctors Agree: Cowboy Hats Are Thoroughly Unsexy

This German Doctor Moonlights as a Tombstone Engraver, But You'll Never Guess Why!

Florida Man Dressed Up Like Caesar Stabs Friend Over Video Game

Norovirus That Sickened Carnival Cruise Passengers Traced to Long John Silver's Fish Combos

Ancient Priests Divined the Future from Baby Poop, Greek Archaeologists Report

Here's Why Trevor Noah's New Comedy Special Will Blow Your Mind!

Sociologists Focus on Togetherness As True Meaning of Life

Inquiry Opened Into Role of Doctor and Lawyer in Mass Ant Deaths

Cruise Ship Manufacturer Blames Poorly Made Anchor for 'Titanic 2' Accident

You'll Never Believe Who's Been Locked Out of the American Dream!

Medieval Historians Discover Oldest Bible in Queen's Pew in Westminster Abbey

Caught on Tape: Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger Knife Fight in Hollywood!

Surfing Causes Heart Attacks, Cardiologists Warn

Diamond-Filled Skull Found in Christmas Tree Farm Stumps Forensic Anthropologists

What Happens in Vegas, Stays In Vegas Says Local Coroner Who Won't Release Body to Family

Need A Vacation? Croatia Is The Bomb, Millennials Say

Christmas Trees Are a Pagan Ritual, Not an American Cash Crop, Angela Merkel Tells Donald Trump

Chris Pratt Shows Off His New Bod From the 3-M Diet: Mushrooms, Mutton, and Millet

BREAKING: Mafia Scoops Up Lava from Mt. Etna, Plans for Its Use Unclear

Psychologists Studying 100 US College Women Found They Prefer Sarcasm Over Strength

Historians Attempting To Follow Ancient Agricultural Treatise Kill All Tulips in Holland

Dead Pigs Don't Float: Local Kids Arrested for Animal Cruelty

You'll Never Believe How This Man Fixed the Ghostly Sound Coming From His Stereo

EXCLUSIVE: Kingsman V Will Go Back In Time, Have Church Fight With Swords

Doctors Find That Runners Over 40 Who Drink Poison Are Stronger

Life In Medieval Times Sucked, Historians Confirm

Evolutionary Origin of Megan Fox's Tiny Thumb Revealed

Persian Empire Built on Back-Stabbing, Archaeologists Say

American Tourist Suffers Concussion from Walking into Moai While Trying to Take a Selfie

Brits Confused About Point of Parties, American Scientists Find

Universal Studios Announces Chopt Will Open in Harry Potter World in April

'Lipstick Bandit' Smoothly Lifts $1 Million From Another Bank

Why This Doctor Was Inspired By Death of Bob Ross

Frat Parties, Greek Symposium, and Roman Convivium All The Same Thing, Classicists Say

Cosmo Poll: Business School Students Are Top Purchasers of Briefcases

Wealthy Kids Purchasing Laptops Full of Homework, Teachers Complain

Church Tells Members To Leave Digital Porn at Home After Embarrassing Incident

Literacy Scores at National Daycares Plummet as Babies Forget How to Read

Landscape Architects Warn that Millennials' Love of Goats and Beehives Will Cause Dramatic Climate Change

The Key to a Happy Life Is A Giant House, According to Millionaire Fortune Teller to The Stars

Apple Releases 3D Printer that Lets You Turn Your Audio Notes into Scrolls of Parchment

Why Did This WV Mine Buy 1,000 Wheelchairs? Click to Find Out More!

Construction Workers Claim Not To Know They Were Playing Soccer With A Human Skull

Archaeologists Discover that Mecca's Mosque Is Made Up Entirely of Books That Just Look Like Stone

US Performance Artist Kicked Out of Country for Trying to Paint Easter Island Moai

World Cup Exclusive: 2019 Serbian Football Team Is Cut-throat

Real Leprechaun Found! Tells Scientists The Entire Species Is Female!

Lucky Charms Rolls Out Limited-Time All-People-Marshmallow Edition

Indiana Jones Made Money Excavating Temples, but Archaeologists Want to Set the Record Straight

Germany Threatens to Kidnap Banksy To Show England What Greece Is Feeling

Artists' Works Go Up In Value When They Die, Largest Survey of Gallery Owners Confirms

NASA Confirms That Falling Satellites Won't Hit You If A Four-Leaf Clover Is In Your Pocket

60 Years After 'Purple People Eater' Hit #1 On Billboard Charts, Sheb Wooley's Estate Releases Follow-up Song

Hoverboards Banned at All Historic Castles, EU Announces

How One Man's Nasal Ant Infestation Made Him King

This Tiny Town in Africa Controls The Earth's Wind, Sun, and Rain, Climatologists Say

Brokeback Mountain Sequel in the Works, Jake Gyllenhaal Confirms

Pink Floyd Buys World's Most Powerful Telescope, But Is Criticized by Queen's Brian May

Ancient Greek Scroll Records Sightings of Airplane over Parthenon in 300 BC

50 Scientists Agree Ancient Temples Should Not Be Destroyed

You Won't Believe Who Bought This Painting of St. Valentine in a Christie's Auction!

Most Americans Admit They're Unsure About Tipping, Weigh Options for Not Getting Spit in Their Food

Why Does This Paddington Bear Sequel Tackle Dark Topics?

Christmas Trees Are Dangerous, Can Engulf a House in Flames in Seconds, Association of Firefighters Warns

Librarians Are Unsung Heroes, Head of the American Library Association Says

Disney Says 'Frozen 3' Flips the Script - And The Genders

In 2019, More Women Are Changing Their Names When They Marry -- To Symbols

Satellite Falls From The Sky Into Archaeological Site, Destroys Priceless Roman Vase

Musicians Unsure Why Only Fancy People Like Violin Music

Sales of Nazar Amulets Spike After Turkish Woman Uses It To Levitate

American Man Wins Religious Freedom Lawsuit Allowing Him To Wear Lobster Claws In His DMV Photo

Pharmacists Wonder If 'Take Two 'Shrooms And Call Me In the Morning' Is Safe For Daily Use

US Olympic Committee Bans Streaming Weightlifting Films, Cites Unhealthy Body Image

Lemonheads Candy Can Get Stuck In Babies' Throats, Spokesman for Ferrara Warns After Incident

Local Zoo Changes Monkeys' Nut Diets After Shelling Out $$ For Crowns

Boat Sales Spiked In Dot Com Boom, Economists Confirm

Genetically Modified Mice Escape From Lab with Taste for Brains

'Touched By An Angel' Reruns Rack Up Millions In Residuals

Cowboys Denied Place at College Launch Lawsuit

Peter Paul Rubens Alive, Clearly a Vampire, Twitter Users Discover

Educators Caution Parents To Change Their Passwords After Horrifying School Incident

Blue Cross Blue Shield Rolls Out Money-Saving App That Transforms Your Phone Into an MRI Machine!

Jose Cuervo Rolls Out Inchworm Beer, Gets Tepid Reception

The Zombie Apocalypse Makes Everyone Sad

Artists Who Use Concentric and Tessellating Shapes Make More Money, Sotheby's Auction House Confirms

'Attack of the Zombie Bride' Released for Nintendo Switch

Global Warming Only Affects The Americas, Terrible Scientists Say

Scientists Are Bad at Karaoke, Survey of 20 Professions Reveals

Middle Schools Ban Rulers After 6th Graders Break Laptops and Biology Supplies

Fish Oil Is Bullshit Cure, Scientists Keep Trying To Tell People

Many People Like Fish, But I Think Their Eyes Make Them Hella Creepy And I Won't Eat Them

Scientist Accidentally Injects Herself With Vampire Blood, But Nothing Happens Because Vampires Aren't Real

Trump Meets With Xi Jinping To Lock Down Supply of Baskets and Party Favors

Gas-Guzzling Cars Are Perfectly Fine, CEO of BP Says After Coughing Fit

Mysterious Woman In Blue Dress Steals Library Books While Muttering About a Beast

** Alright, folks, my brain is tired. I'll get to the rest of the requests tomorrow. Thanks for reading this far! **

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