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The stories are endless; the collective impact enormous. That time at 5 weeks postpartum I was asked in the @uopsych faculty meeting if I would abstain from the vote to expand our dept parental leave policy (add'l course release from teaching). nature.com/articles/d4158…
Obviously, the comment was meant as a joke, given that the faculty had just a) discussed my tenure & promotion case 15 minutes earlier and b) warmly welcomed me to my first post-baby meeting. But nothing about this was a joke to me.
Not a single other male faculty of reproductive capability was asked the same thing, specifically including another whose partner was due just a few weeks later. Why not them? The leave policy was gender neutral - any parent of a new child (biological/adopted) could use it.
It stung badly, even as I laughed it off. To be clear, my colleagues were and are incredibly supportive of new parents in so many ways. I am grateful, and know I have been very fortunate compared to many of my peers. The vote passed.
Sidebar: A few years later, @uocas rescinded the policy, saying that our union wouldn’t approve of us creating disparities between departments. Our department scrambled to continue providing additional support in less formal ways.
I almost hesitated to post this story, along with the rest of this thread, but I decided to #womanup and be brave about it. Future generations deserve that we speak up for change.
Sure, some of these stories can be softened with the sense of humor you acquire in the trenches of parenting. Like that time I interviewed a PhD candidate over Skype while nursing my daughter (who then loudly took care of some other biological functions).
But what if that interview had been ‘more professional’ - would they have joined my lab? What about current trainees whose mentor goes on leave? Support for them during a period of leave is informal at best, or entirely absent.
The professional costs snowball. Missed conferences, unwritten papers, declined opportunities to serve in societies or on boards. Staying up all night, sacrificing your own health to try and catch up when you lose so much worktime during ‘normal’ hours to parenting duties.
In an ironic twist that will surprise exactly no parent ever, I was forced to pause writing this thread yesterday because the daycare called to tell me my daughter spiked a 102° fever. Verdict this morning: two children with raging double ear infections, and one burst eardrum.
But other stories are life-altering. Like that time when I waited until my first child was two, to get my lab back in gear again, to get my first R01, etc... before trying to conceive a second child.
Three miscarriages, two exorbitantly costly (time + money + mental health) rounds of IVF, a high-risk pregnancy and one complete miracle baby girl later… this story ended happily, but not all stories do.
Many women in STEM delay childbearing, which can create major biological obstacles. But what if all women (men, too) had more support for parenting in all phases of their careers? @darbysaxbe theconversation.com/paid-family-le…
The system is broken, and things need to change. PS: If you are struggling with any stage of this journey (to conceive and/or parent) as an academic (at any level), I’m here.
