Thread by @paushinski

MANZE, MIRAA SIO MRENDA ATI UNA-SERVE KWA BAKULI.

I always wanted to eat miraa. I know it’s chewing, but then I knew that people ate miraa. I wanted to be among the cool kids in Eastleigh. Veve was certainly going to make me really cool. But I quickly gave up on it.

A THREAD.

But now I needed someone to teach me how to chonga that gadget properly like a pro.

The guys I knew, were either at Jino Moja in Calif, Black Makaa on General Waruinge St, and some guys from Majengo. There was a crop of cool guys & chilez from Section 7. I picked those ones.

That crew had both jamaaz na gyals. They wore baseball hats, army jackets, jeans & safari boots. Walikuwa wanaskiza reggae tu, kuchana gomba, drinking Arabica coffee or sprite, sometimes Coke, eating njugus, smoking weed, kulamba powder ya kihindi inaitwa Kuber, and telling lies.

The leaders of were packs were Duran and Mikey. I plan that on New Years Eve, when folks and older sibling will most definitely be out of the house. Also, they would probably be doing their thing, so I will ask them to show me.

BIG MISTAKE. DEC 31st. 10:00pmish.

I make my way.

I find them chongain. I seat. Some non-veve boys are there.

Me: (Roho juu). Duran si unifundishe kukula veve?

Duran: (Pissed off) Ati nini? Miraa si chakula ya wakidi. Unasikia. Siku ile nitawahi shika mmjoja wenyu akivuta bangi, ama sigara, ama mkishikisha, mtanitambua, sawa?

No response.

He stands up mad. “Mnaniskia?’

We quickly say, 'Sawa'

Plan imekatsika. Hakuna veve. But ni usiku, na tunataka kushout ‘Happy New Year!’ Tuko wengi and I'm sacred of walking home solo, so we stay.

Lakini usingizi imeanza kutubeba. Alafu manze njeve unakuja proper.

Mikey akasema, ‘Oyaa, vijanaa. Ingieni keja mtulie huko. Happy New Year ikifika nitawaamsha, mpige nduru alafu mkimbie home mkalale. Sawa?.’

We go in. As soon as we go in we are trying hard not to fall asleep. Alafu veve nje ikaanza kufanya kazi yake kwa mwili ya Duran na Mikey.

Kumbuka ni combination ya nduku, veve, kahawa, sprite, kuber, na reggae.

GHAFLA BIN VUU.
Man, hatujalala dakika mbili, tunaamshwa chap chap unaeza fikiria nyumba ina chomeka.

Duran: Oyaaaaa….. amkeni jamaa.
We wake up chap chap. In fact I wake up shouting, Happy New Yiiiii…

Duran: Amkeni muoge!

Ati tuoge? I look at my watch. It’s 11:25pm. Everyone is waking up wondering, ‘Ala. Nini inaendelea hapa?’

AI! Bado tunatafuta bearing 1 – 2 – 1 – 2. Too late. Handas imechukua full 100% control, na kimeumana tayari. Tunasikia harufu ya chai.

Walalalala.

Kidogo, Mikey comes ametoka jikoni amevaa apron, amebeba chai na mkate imepakwa blueband. He puts it on the table. ‘Kunyweni chai msichelewe shule!’

Our mouths are open. ‘Shule tena? Why?’

The boy next to me kwanza akakulwa ngoto moto. ‘Haukumaliza homework yako kwa nini?’

Akasema shule zimefungwa. Akapewa ingine moto akiulizwa, 'wewe ndio uli-ifunga?’

Shortly, Duran amebeba nguo kwa besheni akaziweka hapo nje ya mlango ati anataka kufua yake yote. Akaingia bedroom. Akatoa carpet, mattress, duvet, viatu, kitanda...

Me: (Crying) Hii ni pepo gani?

Sisi hapo tunakunywa chai moto tukilia juu tunaenda shule. We are so confused, I do not know what is going on. Anatuharakisha ati anataka cushions na viti aoshe juu anataka kwenda Gikomba mapema kununua mboga.

It strikes midnight. Guys outside are shouting New Year the loudest.

The guy fuaing comes saying, "Imagine watoto wa jirani sijui wanapiga kelele kwa nini. Ama ni birthday hatujaitwa?'

I tell them it's 'Happy New year."

They start laughing.

Duran: Ati happy new year? Happy new year aje na ata last year bado haijaisha.

I do die a little inside.

Mikey: Haya, kunyweni chai haraka, nataka muende shule, msome, mkirudi saa sita mtapata ya lunch iko tayari. Sawa?

We are crying tears now.

We are so confused. Chai ni moto, we are scared, what manner of drugs is this.

Mikey goes into the bedroom, he comes back holding money.

Mikey: Shikeni kila mtu 50 bob, ya break. Na mtu asiwanyanganye. If anyone bullies you, you tell me. If anyone looks at you badly, you tell me, if anyone says anything to you, you tell me. Ok?

We see a good break. We start leaving in a hurry. We don't want to be here anymore.

We go for our shoes, manzeee, Duran amezichangamkia ziko kwa maji, anaziosha. What is this? We can’t believe it.

Me: Siwezi enda home mguu tupu.

Duran: (Karibu aniwashe ngoto) School fees yako inalipwa bure. Hauendi home? Si hapa ni home?

Me: (Quick thinking.) I meant, shule.

Duran: (To Mikey) Oya brathe, ebu letea hawa watoi njumu zao za chuo hapo kabla Matha atupate offguard.

Mikey brings oversize shoes, slippers hazifanani etc.

Me: Hizi viatu si zangu, hazinitoshi, na hazifani.

Mikey: Si wewe ulipoteza moja shule? Mathe alisema utajipanga bro.

I'm so mad right now. I just take them and leave because I want to go home. Siamini tamaa ya veve imenitesa hivi.

As we leave, Mickey akaleta sose na queen cakes in lunch boxes. Tukazichukua faster faster. Tukatoka mbio. Tunaskia tu akisema, ‘Ok guys, have a nice day at school.’

Next day, they are acting like nothing happened.

Duran: Pau, ulisahau njumu kwetu. Ulinionea slipper ya green ina shimo? Pia, unaeza kumbuka nani alipika mayai tray moja na sausage packet tatu pale home jana? Kuna mtu amenimess deadly ?

I never speak to them again.
.
THE END.

PS: You can read the full story here:
paushinski.co.ke/ruka-tu-mbachu…