Thread by @QuinnyPig

And Day 2 of #VMworld kicks off with a keynote, and with it, my livetweeting thread.

"Why are you qualified to give a VMware keynote?"
"I fought a bear once while climbing Everest."
"WELCOME TO THE STAGE!

Giving a demo with a made-up company, "VMware Tanzu Tees." You can tell it's made up because they make t-shirts, a business model a human being could understand. #VMworld

A reminder of what Tanzu is. #VMworld
(If you say "Kubernetes" three times a Googler appears to condescend to you until you stop asking questions.)

"So here's how we configure and deploy a datacenter for the t-shirt company." Wait, what? A t-shirt company in 2019 needs physical machines? I'm predicting some problems in the market for Tanzu Tees. #VMworld

"So you're a t-shirt company with on-prem hardware, running Kubernetes, vSphere, have DellEMC branding everywhere... what the hell is your endgame strategy?!"
"VMware buys us before next year's #VMworld."
"Carry on!"

And my 9:30 starts early, so I'm punching out in favor of not sitting through more Enterprise IT Buzzword Bingo. Good luck #VMworld; you'll do fine without me!

And I'm summoned back as I felt a disturbance in the force, as if someone had said something profoundly misaligned with the real world. #VMworld

Now they're using CloudHealth and Wavefront for Tanzu Tees.

Okay, at this level of complexity for a t-shirt company there's no way the owners of this company don't wind up indicted for money laundering. #VMworld

They pronounce their datacenter environment as "on-premises" instead of "on-premise" so the Tanzu Tees folks are at least escaping prosecution in the Hague for war crimes. #VMworld

Okay, I want to snark but I've gotta say: Workspace ONE looks pretty awesome. #VMworld

I thought I was kidding about Feats of Strength being required, but @ray_ofarrell's bio includes "sea kayaking enthusiast." I'm sitting here seething and eating chips. #VMworld

@ray_ofarrell Wait did he just say “Mellanox?”

INFINIBAND WAS DEAD! WE BURIED IT! THERE WAS A LOVELY GRAVESIDE SERVICE! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! #VMworld

@ray_ofarrell Now they're using AWS Greengrass, Azure, and vSphere in the same app. Who put LSD in my Cheerios this morning? #VMworld