Thread by @TW_Beckett

"I'm Thinking About Divorce" - A THREAD FOR MEN:

I don't recommend divorce, but sometimes, it's inevitable.

Here's some things that I did:

1. Before divorcing, I would recommend:

- Individual and couples counseling from Non-outcome dependent sources: This means church and other organizations who want to keep the marriage together would NOT be the best things to do. I wanted an independent person, with no agenda.

2. Look at your situation. Are you truly happy? Will small adjustments in your behaviors or hers result in better outcomes? Or is this an irreparable division? Take some time to think and discuss where you both are. Communicate with your spouse.

3. If divorce is coming:
Men, start working on yourself immediately. Minimal contact with soon to be ex if you can help it. Emotions run high, and any statement or action while you're upset will only hurt you in your legal dealings with her.

4. Go to the gym, focus on work, make this beginning transition as easy for your kids as you can. Remember, this isn't their fault and the more you can remind them of that, the better off you will be. It's hard enough watching their mom and dad split.

5. Don't engage in any dating. Your divorce has started, the worst thing you can do is to divide your attention to someone else. You need to be focusing on yourself and your current situation. You're about to take a hit, the last thing you need is revenge sex against your ex.

6. Keep your COOL. Most important. Regardless of the situation, your ex will bait you into being emotional. This is DISASTER for men. You must keep a level head, don't let any jawing get you into something you'll regret at the court hearings.

7. Consult SEVERAL attorneys as to your rights. Read up on your state's custody laws and know them BY HEART. Find the best attorney for you, you don't have to have the most expensive lawyer, but find someone who will protect your interests as a father.

8. Talk to your family. You'll need support wherever you can get it.

These people who love you need to have your back as well as the kids'.

The better your support, the better you'll weather this storm.

9. Keep positive. This is a hard time, not just for you, but for everyone involved. Regardless of what happens, keep your head up high. You can help your chances by being positive, working on yourself, and avoiding any distractions from your goals.

10. Keep busy. While going to work, meeting with attorneys, courts, try to keep your mind occupied, especially with things to improve yourself. Read up on books, go to the gym, keep your sanity and do stuff with your kids when you have them. All of this will only help.

11. When you do have contact with your ex, keep it short and cordial, especially if you have kids.
The last thing you need is needless arguing about the situation. The love has ended, now it's time for the business and contract phase to get started.

12. You're not alone. Many men feel despair when going through this. They feel like they don't have any friends. Find yourself a tribe, hang out with your friends, and prepare yourself for what's to come.

Divorce is hard, but you'll get through it and be better after.