Last night someone commented on this thread by saying I should "stick to journalism" (I'm not a journalist fwiw). The comment kinda made me nostalgic about a past life and I want to take a few minutes to tell you about it
I hadn't been tweeting about ideological topics for a couple years (or more). We have limited time and energy, and since Trump's election, Arab tyranny has been so empowered that we had to focus completely on pushing back.
Speaking about fine ideological points seemed like a luxury I didn't have. When you're faced with a beast and have to fight for your life and your comrades, it isn't the time to be discussing philosophy. It's time to stand your ground and fight for your values.
But, I'm conscious that many of my more recent followers (I'm talking 2-3 years recent) do not know about my background, so let me give very quick context
Before my 2014 arrest in my former country, the UAE, I was preparing a PhD proposal. I had come to realize that I will be arrested sooner or later, and doing a PhD abroad seemed like a potential exit plan.
The topic I chose was the psychological, historical, and theological roots of religious dogmatism, and its real world social and political effects, as applied to the Islamic world. Quite a mouthful, I know.
I didn't pick the topic at random - this was the topic I was immersed in for three years at that point. Between 2011 and 2014, I must have read 200+ books in my search
(Okay, not full books, cover to cover. Sometimes you go in to read a few chapters. Sometimes half the book. Sometimes the entire book).
The background: After leaving Salafism, I decided to read across the entirety of Islamic history and tradition. I had grown up in a Sunni environment and was exposed only to Sunni (and later, only Salafi) versions of both history and tradition.
When you're exposed to *only* your tradition, you aren't even aware of alternative versions of events, or interpretation of events, or counter-arguments etc. I decided to swim against that current and read Islamic history and theology as written across Islamic sects in parallel.
I wasn't a detached academic, I was an opinionated believer. Doing that kinda reading was extremely difficult. On alternative days I would feel elated, crushed, inspired, depressed, intrigued. It was one of the best and most difficult things I ever did.
I'm proud that I pressed on with the questions and I'm very grateful that I had the resources to find the right reading materials. But that PhD thesis? It didn't happen. A few months after coming up with a proposal, I was in prison.
(Correction, a few days. I had come up with a proposal, finally, on Monday. I was arrested on Thursday that same week).
Tldr; after getting released from prison I ended up stuck in an airport for a month, and then found myself in a crappy hotel room in the shadiest part of Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, trying to figure out my next steps.
Remember, I was a stateless Palestinian refugee who has nowhere to go and has a very pregnant wife back home who also has nowhere to go; I had only a temporary stay permit in Kuala Lumpur. And I was likely still being hunted by the dictators who just released me from prison.
And so I thought again about that PhD option. Could it be a path to safety? Lol.
I got connected to a prominent Islamic academic with a prestigious position in a Western university. It only took two emails for me to realize that the chair that said academic holds is... funded by the very government who just jailed and expelled me. That was the end of that.
I don't know when I'll be able to go back to that dusty old PhD thesis. I don't know if I will, ever. But those years working on this topic, between 2011 and 2014, included some of my dearest memories. Memories for which I'll always be grateful.
Thank you for reading this thread. It stirred up some pretty shitty memories but I'm glad I wrote it. There are things about this topic that are too painful to talk about but I think I said enough.
Let me just say that I love the entirety of Islamic tradition. The parts I agree with and the parts I disagree with. I'm home anywhere in that tradition.
And this is what drives and informs my basic love and loyalty to all Muslims, regardless whether they agree with me theologically or not. What I cannot tolerate is disagreements in basic values, principles, and the courage to stand up for either.
Why am I crying
