1 Yesterday I tweeted some notes for managers about feedback that they think is affirming but has the opposite effect. Today I want to talk about what you can do to to get the feedback you want/need from your manager.
2 To start with, most managers want to do a great job. In the majority of cases, if they’re not doing a great job, it’s because they don’t know how. Yes there are exceptions, but in my experience, not many actually. People generally want to do right by their teams.
3 I think it’s helpful to remember this if you’re having a bad experience with your manager. This is not to say your manager isn’t accountable for the experience you’re having. But it helps to remember that they are just a person too, generally doing their best.
4 If you assume benefit of the doubt most of the time, all the rest gets easier.
(This is not just about managers and employees, but about all coworkers… and neighbors and families... and all people… and life! Different thread I guess.)
(This is not just about managers and employees, but about all coworkers… and neighbors and families... and all people… and life! Different thread I guess.)
5 Let’s start with the question we started with in the thread for managers: “How am I doing?” It takes courage and openness to ask this, so good job with that.
6 For many people, “how am I doing” is a hard question to be thoughtful about on the spot. You’re looking for specificity, detail, and knowledge of your work. In the moment, all your manager comes up with is “you’re doing great / fine” or similar.
7 So consider telling your manager you want to talk about how you're doing ahead of time. Tell them you’re looking for feedback about how you’re doing in next week's 1-1, or send a quick note the day before.
This hugely increases the chances that you get a helpful response.
This hugely increases the chances that you get a helpful response.
8 Making it as easy as possible for your manager to be thoughtful means they are much more likely to be thoughtful. Stating ahead of time what kind of feedback you’re looking for helps them provide just what you need.
9 The second piece: If your manager gives you feedback that is not helpful, tell them so, respectfully and directly. If you hear feedback that is confusing, unclear, or difficult to operationalize, tell them. This is not you being “difficult.” This is you being curious.
10 Great curious questions to get to the bottom of (positive or critical) feedback:
“Can you share some examples where you saw me do X?"
“What would it look like if I were doing Y great?”
“Can we walk through my doc/code/project plan together and you can tell me what you see?”
“Can you share some examples where you saw me do X?"
“What would it look like if I were doing Y great?”
“Can we walk through my doc/code/project plan together and you can tell me what you see?”
11 And of course, if your manager provides feedback that IS helpful, tell them that too. Validating the patterns that you find helpful is a good way to get more of those patterns.
12 As with any feedback that you get FROM your manager, your feedback TO your manager should be specific.
“Your notes on my project plan made it clear what my next steps should be”
“You gave me tactical feedback, but I came away wondering if we the same goals. Can we discuss?"
“Your notes on my project plan made it clear what my next steps should be”
“You gave me tactical feedback, but I came away wondering if we the same goals. Can we discuss?"
13 Specific, respectful expectation-sharing and feedback-giving make the work world go round. Easier said than done, because we humans are messy and imperfect. But worth striving for! 🚀🚀🚀
