1 Sometimes managers give people on their teams feedback that they think is motivating or validating, but it has the opposite effect. A few examples where well-intentioned feedback shuts down a high-engagement team member, thread >>
2 Scenario 1: “You’re doing great.” Often said when the employee asks for general feedback. Manager says, “you’re doing great,” full stop, back to project status conversation. Manager thinks they’ve alleviated the person’s anxiety or even validated their work.
3 But “you’re doing great” is not feedback. It’s an empty statement that doesn’t comment on the person’s work with any detail or specificity. Your employee is asking because they’re trying to learn. You have provided nothing for them to learn from.
4 The person who is "doing great" leaves wondering whether you are even aware of what they’re working on. If they were anxious, you didn’t help. If they were hungry for growth, you didn’t meet them there. The “how am I doing” question deserves a specific and detailed response.
5 Scenario 2: “Pipe down to make space for others.” Often said to a person whose enthusiasm takes over projects and rooms. Manager thinks they are offering coaching on collaboration skills. Instead they’re saying, “Please engage less.”
6 There’s nothing more demotivating for an enthusiastic and energetic person than to be told to tamp down their energy. The person’s greatest strength starts feeling unappreciated. This can be devastating for their productivity and for the whole team vibe.
7 In reality, the intent behind “pipe down to make space for others” could be simply restated: “You have amazing energy. Can you harness it to pull in contributions from more people?” Much more motivating, builds on the person’s strength rather than shutting them down.
8 Less of telling the enthusiast to pipe down, more of teaching them to use their energy and social status to empower others to be heard.
9 If you get the tone of this “pipe down” feedback wrong, your situation is especially irrecoverable for people from marginalized groups that often have to work hard to be heard in the first place.
10 Scenario 3: “You’re working too hard.” Sometimes said with good intentions when the employee is burning out. Sometimes (depressingly) said when the employee is a productivity superstar and their natural pace puts pressure on the rest of the team.
11 In both cases, manager thinks they are looking out for the employee and/or the team. In reality, “you’re working too hard” makes the employee feel judged, like something is wrong with them.
12 If you think someone is burning out, try “I’m worried about you” instead of “You’re working too hard.” Or “What can I do to make your work life easier?” Express real human concern and your own accountability, not judgment about how they got there.
13 If you think someone’s pace sets too high a standard for your team, and you tell them so in that way, get ready to lose that pace-setter. Maybe you want that, but you probably don’t.
14 All of these examples are another way of asking your high-engagement team member to be lower engagement. Nothing good comes from asking people to be lower engagement.
15 You can (should) ask people to channel their engagement or to use it to help the whole group. This is such valuable coaching. But it has to come from a place to building on the employee’s enthusiasm and desire to engage, not from a place of shutting them off.
16 Intent is not the same as impact. Every time we're communicating, we're guessing about what is going to land with the other person. As a manager, it's so important to get beyond guessing -- because so much of the time, our guesses are wrong. 🚀🚀🚀
