THREAD: HOW DOES MALE PRIVILEGE LEAD TO MALE SUICIDE?
Men are bullied in our dominant man box culture to isolate ourselves emotionally/socially. Adolescent boys are shamed into giving up close friendships as "girly of gay." Told hide your emotions, "man up," be a "real man." /1
Men are bullied in our dominant man box culture to isolate ourselves emotionally/socially. Adolescent boys are shamed into giving up close friendships as "girly of gay." Told hide your emotions, "man up," be a "real man." /1
Man box rules include 1) Don't show emotions 2) Be a provider not a care giver 3) Bed a lot of women 4) Make money 5) Be a leader/have the last word 6) Talk about sports not about anything deep. These are all about doing and because they are, they must be proven every day. /2
We spend our lives proving our manhood. Man box culture doesn't care who we are as individuals. It shames authentic connection, self reflection, emotional expression, all the ways in which humans form connection and community. It is fundamentally isolating, individualizing. /3
Male privilege exists in the man box. We get benefits over women, we get the good old boys club and access to opportunities IF we conform and do manhood "right." Which requires that we denigrate women, laugh off our pain, never show doubt, always make money, always be strong. /4
While women don't have male privilege, they are permitted to form the social support networks, have more authentic conversations, ask for help from their networks. In man box culture, we shame men for admitting mental health or money problems, for feeling sad or lonely. /5
So, while we get to have male privilege, it is, by definition, a reinforcement of inequality; a power imbalance created generations ago by men over women. It dovetails with man box culture to reinforce a masculinity of domination. But dominating others is DEEPLY ISOLATING /6
Because man box culture forbids boys from showing tears, fear, sadness, etc boys and men are cut off from doing the trial and error work to learn to connect in nuanced emotionally authentic ways. This suppresses our capacities for forming relationships. Again, ISOLATING. /7
Ultimately, men, especially older white men, are left with only the hyper masculine measures of the man box by which to define their self worth. Sooner or later they age out. They can't get women, or earn money or their health fails. Man box culture says to them "you failed." /8
And because they have spent their lives hiding their authentic expression, they have no real friendships, no network of support. They end up expressing their isolated rage toward others (feminists, immigrants) or at themselves (suicide.) "I followed the rules! I did my job!" /9
The REASON men have privilege and still commit suicide at such high rates is this. Exercising male privilege requires the domination of others and a culture of domination does not create the relationships we need to weather the storms of life. Our privilege ISOLATES us. /10
@niobe_way notes in her book Deep Secrets that in late adolescence, when boys are convinced by our bullying culture of masculinity to give up their close friendships (because close friendships are "girly or gay") their suicide rate becomes four times that of girls their age. /11
@niobe_way Man box culture is designed to cut boys off from creating authentic friendships, connection and community before we are even old enough to understand what is happening. We then have only the pecking order bullying/violence of man box culture by which to express manhood. /12
@niobe_way A culture of masculinity that values creating power OVER others instead of creating power WITH others in inherently isolating. And loneliness is equal in it's health impact to smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. See Cigna's study: cigna.com/newsroom/news-… /13
@niobe_way Men must end our masculine culture of power OVER others (over both men/women) and partner with women to create a culture of masculinity that values connection and creating power WITH others. We have been sold the idea that real men dominate others.
This idea is killing us. /14
This idea is killing us. /14
@niobe_way Want to start a powerful conversation about masculinity with someone you care about? "First, see the culture. Then, change the culture." Get Mark Greene's The Little #MeToo Book for Men at Amazon worldwide --> amazon.com/dp/0983466963 /15 
@niobe_way To learn about the men who conceptualized "The Man Box" go here: medium.com/@remakingmanho…
@niobe_way For those who prefer it, the thread is here in article form on Medium. medium.com/@remakingmanho…
@niobe_way @niobe_way's book Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of Connection is here: amazon.com/Deep-Secrets-F…
@niobe_way THREAD: @niobe_way's research on how boys get bullied and shamed out of wanting close friendships. Here's how it's done over and over again in our culture of masculinity. Adolescence is one crucial place where we can help our sons break out of #TheManBox
@niobe_way Are you a man who is struggling? Are you ready to create more connection and purpose in your life? Reach out to a men's organization like the @mankindproject or @_evryman and discover worldwide communities of men who are ready to help.
