Thread by @LumiRueLuv

Thread sharing hope (many CWs)

My brother-in-law is racist. Horribly, intensely homophobic and painfully (I mean this sincerely, as a nonbinary person) transphobic. I don't know how my sister married him.

Here we are, I'm living with them. That feels good to admit to someone. >

I knew he was racist. I heard him call some of my sisters friends the n word, hard r. I knew from then I wanted NOTHING to do with him. Especially once I came out as nonbinary.

I was terrified to move in with them. Whenever someone is so racist, they often are transphobic too ->

I was drunk the night my sister awkwardly told him about my pronouns. He turned to ask me about them, I choked.

I LITERALLY said, "I don't know how to explain this on a 101 level." So much for not coming off as an out-of-touch academic...as I've been seen as at family events.

I was so disappointed in myself. I TEACH ABOUT THIS FOR A LIVING???

A few weeks later, race came up. The highly effect method I teach is to not react to bigotry. Listen, be patient, and you will be heard in return. I took a deep breath and steeled myself. ->

It started at his black coworkers being trouble makers and ended with a conversation on why black people disproportionately face poverty and the effects poverty has on people's opportunities.

It wasn't a perfect conversation, but he had listened closely and changed his tone. ->

A week or so later, we came to THE GAYS. You know...me. "I just think being gay is wrong." That hit me like a slap in the face. I tilted my head and smiled carefully.

That conversation was tough. I felt like I was beating my head on a wall of religion. He grew up Christan... ->

Today, it came up again. I don't know how to get past, "Adam and Eve," but I challenged him. Then it travelled to race. He seemed to take in a lot, and I was learning about his experience in prison...

...and then something I wasn't ready for. The trans woman he met there. ->

I've looked anti-abortion people I thought were my friends in the eye as they called me "murderer," and I don't know how to tell you, as someone who's life was saved by my post-rape abortion how sharply painful that is.

That felt like I was as good as dead to them. Comparably ->

Sitting serene through some of his statements felt like he would never realize how I exist. Not just him, but so, so many people.
The police officer that smirked at my pronouns.
The nurses at the religious hospital I didn't bother explain to.
The coworkers that joked about them.>

But I buckled down. I asked a few questions. I gritted my teeth into a smile. I compared her to me, quietly begging him to be more mindful in his language.

He caught me off guard by asking about my binder, which he had never acknowledged existing before. ->

I don't know what it is about that, but those little moments of education keep me going. As painful through wading through that stuff, the stuff my mods and I would never let into our chat lest it become overrun with bigotry, these little moments or growth are worth it to me. ->

Tonight, while he was out, I mentioned it to my sister. I was nervous I teased him too hard at the end because he couldn't believe intersex people existed.

"You know I asked him if you were bothering him, and he just said, 'No. She's really intelligent.' And I told him, yep." ->

After years of feeling like I don't belong, after being outcast as a condescending academic, after being scared to come out as trans in such a conservative place, WHOLESOME🥺🥺🥺

I'll cherish this little bit of respect. All I want is to be able to help stop this. ->

My tactics aren't perfect. Facing bigotry isn't easy, and we have such a long way to go. In some areas we have come a long way, in others, it has been a constant battle.

Thank you to my community and my fellow leftists for being here and helping push with me. You give me hope.