Thread by @EvaUnalove

I have been really struggling on whether to be honest about this, but I'm struggling with some serious mental health issues. I have PTSD, and when I get triggered, I end up having a panic attack. One of the things I've learned helps me stop it, is self-harming.

So Monday I had to cancel even though I had been having Trihex on, because Sunday night I had a panic attack, started self-harming to try to stop it, and had to go to the ER for stitches.

I felt incredibly guilty, but I was up late at the ER, and the whole event was exhausting.

I wanted to get up and power through, but I knew I would sleep late, and wake up with no energy, then proceed to be unable to pay attention during my chat with Trihex.

It wouldn't have felt warm, like I want to always be for people. I've been really struggling.

I didn't want people to hear this and think, "Eva's so weak." I've already had to deal with some over protective behaviors in our community, and I don't want that added on in those people's minds.

I don't need saved. I am strong.

I do need coping behaviors.

These are the stigmas we face, though, and I know that my community will look past stigma.

We need better mental health care. The people struggling aren't any weaker, they just have an additional battle they are fighting, and they can win it. But ->

we need to offer accessible healthcare, including mental health care. It is important to give people the tools to survive and ideally, thrive, as individuals.

I can't access health care. ->

What results? I become very serious about wanting to provide the best possible "self care" tips to my comrades. I know what it is like to not be able to figure out how to feel okay enough to function and not be able to avoid the therapy we all love to recommend to each other.

But do I sound like all those stereotypes of the "self care girl?"

And the gender dysphoria in that thought kills.

But worse worries me, are the "self care girls" doing okay? I hope so, it's sad that I think of that stereotype as a negative. Another thing to examine.

We will keep fighting, and we will do better.

Thank you for reading and thank you for understanding.

Lastly, I do apologize if I'm off my game. I'm trying really hard to figure this out.

Thank you for being patient with me.

Thank everyone for letting me have this moment of vulnerability.

I'm here to provide you a cozy community to learn in, so I'll refocus, but this is a battle I'm often facing. I won't often talk about it, but know on our mental health days, I CARE when I ask how you are.