Today, I went to a rich people’s church and I want you to turn to your Neigbour and slap him/her if they dare say money is not good.
Being there was a lovely experience and I swear everything was different.
Brethren,
Issa short thread
Being there was a lovely experience and I swear everything was different.
Brethren,
Issa short thread
Where do I even start from? Is it the pastor talking small small you could almost mistake it for a whisper. A classic example of ‘akant shout pls’ not all those pastor Cletus that’ll be shouting at God as if na quarrel. My friend keep quiet 
Praise and Worship songs here were different. Calm. Happy. Not aggressive not Jesus settluonum o( translated Jesus settle me now) assin Jesus na agbero or he’s owing you? 
Preaching was affluent. You know, soft, easy, about God’s kindness and his love and his mercy nothing about your compound people changing to something and pressing your neck at night. Nah. Rich people have no such problems. only thing pressing their neck is too much money.
It is no wonder those stories about people changing to goat and fowl and cat don’t happen in areas like this. I mean if you’re a winsh and change to cat one rich family will probably use u as pet and treat you so well you’ll not want to change to your former suffering Osaze.
I step into the church and as the lord will have it, I am on the right side, like the thief that made heaven, of one very fine sister. Men, her perfume made sweet love to my nose that I felt like when church closes, like cartoons I’ll keep following her and the scent home
But of course with this Jesus of a babe beside me on the other side was this brother-2-thieves always wanting to turn towards me whenever they mention turn to your Neigbour. Like Baba we don’t live in the same compound respect yourself I am not your Neigbour abeg 
Even when they were singing I need you to survive, me that was trying to tell this rich DJ @cuppymusic sister in the lord that I need her to survive and she should Zagadis my life even if In a Christian way, baba was trying to sing survive to me. See you will die! Imbeside.
During offering while trying to extract my 1k from my pocket and slide it into the envelope unseen, Aunty was counting money from a bundle shrrrrrr like bank cashier. My 1k felt like 50kobo but the lord looks at the heart ba? Cos i had 2million in it. Amem?
Aside the fine sister beside me, I noticed how different testimonies there is. Nothing about surviving accident or how they nearly picked money on the ground and changed to yam. Instead there’s brethren I’m here thanking God for my new Lexus 2034 model by Mr Seun Cole-wright
And we all know once a surname has hyphen, that hyphen is Millions. Surnames here were also different. All them dacourt, Halliday, Derino. Names befitting for ikoyi avenues not ojuelegba where everyone knows your story. Mtcheew
Did I mention that I heard not a single nya nya baby cry. None. How baby go cry when everywhere cold like heaven. In fact a baby 2 seats away laughed when the pastor cracked a joke. When school fees na 4million for crèche how pikin no go Dey laugh from small unlike us. Tears 
They asked for first timers and sharply i leapt up. Even the welcome song different. They sang that I’m something more than gold and that they love me the way I have come. I refused. Pls epp me. I am not any gold or precious stone or even sand. I be graduate 2.1 epp me sirs 
They came around to shake me and oh blood of Jehoshaphat. brethren come and see soft hendzzz. Hei! I felt my hand would give me away as the skrep that I was. Me wen don package like say I get Q-wagon parked outside. Pls don’t betray me lord I pleaded in my heart. 
The first timers meal was a last supper something. Full buffet and I had sharply eaten 2 fufu this morning regrettably. But instead of food to waste make belle tear cos I ate my soul away as I should in my father’s house. Isn’t that what the church is? 
Sadly before I could talk to my fine Aunty beside me, she disappeared as they took us first timers to another seat.
One fine sister who was a first timer like me remarked that I was well dressed as we were leaving. I felt like see another open door o
One fine sister who was a first timer like me remarked that I was well dressed as we were leaving. I felt like see another open door o
Dis fit be another otedola sister o. I was expecting her after we exchanged number to go to one g wagon and press the key piom! Piom! For it to open. The way Aunty shouted bike! And mounted the okada eh. My heart too zoomed but with heartbreak as the okada zoomed off 
Abeg I can’t kill myself. I’m going back to that church next week to find that sister who is my Neigbour and whose love I need to survive. Except if in your church you have better then see you next Sunday.
Amem
Yours in his vineyard
Uncle Stephen
Amem
Yours in his vineyard
Uncle Stephen
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