I wrote this as a reply but it's important so I'm gonna give it its own tweet.
A single person can be both a victim and a perpetrator of assault, and neither status erases the other.
A single person can be both a victim and a perpetrator of assault, and neither status erases the other.
This is only conceivable if we stop believing that victim=innocent angel and perpetrator=irredeemable monster.
Someone can have been a victim of assault or abuse, and also be a kind of shitty person. They still deserve help and solace from their experience.
Someone can have perpetrated assault or abuse and still be a decent human being. They still need to be held accountable for their actions and the harm they caused.
It makes victims feel like anything bad they've done, before or after the assault, invalidates their experience and their pain. Sometimes outsiders reinforce that feeling.
It leads outsiders to judge cases of assault based on how good a person they think each one is.
It makes perpetrators feel like they have to choose between hating themselves or invalidating the victim's narrative. Outsiders usually reinforce that feeling too.
It leads communities to view assault and abuse cases as "which side do we choose?" rather than "how can we mitigate and prevent harm?"
As a survivor of abuse and assault, I am constantly struggling to believe that that harm was real and valid and that I deserve care and support around it. Years later, it's still a struggle. And one of the many things that can shake that belief is realizing I've fucked up.
Any time, any context, but especially in relationships: if I fuck up significantly, a little part of my brain says, "ah HA! So your abusers were right and you deserved everything you suffered."
That voice is a lying liar who lies, but there it is in my brain, talking at me. So I NEED to hear people say, "Victims can fuck up too. Victims can even perpetrate abuse. They still deserve care around the harm they suffered."
