Thread by @kinky_lotus

CW: body image, reflections on weight, physical health, aging ...

When I look at this image I feel a lot of awe and disbelief that I am the person in this picture.

Tied by @secondfloor_fet
Image by @tracimatlock

When I first started doing rope over 4 years ago, I was a decidedly un-athletic person. I had no core strength to speak of and had no particular desire or motivation to work out. Which is all perfectly fine because no one's worth is determined by how physically fit they are.

My journey is by no means representative of everyone else's journey or path.

But I am grateful for rope bondage and how it has helped me connect more deeply with my body, allowing me to harness my strength in ways I would have never before thought possible (or even desirable?).

I'm going to share some images taken over the years I've been doing rope. They aren't all of the same position/tie, so they aren't designed to be a before/after sort of thing, but more of a personal retrospective.

2015

I couldn't hold this position for more than a few seconds. My left leg is free so I could come back to standing on my own after @secondfloor_fet snapped the shot. I had zero back bend b/c my core and back strength were nil at that point.

2016

This was our 1st performance. I trained extensively for this. The stress on me mentally & physically was no joke. We were determined to do an amazing job creating something that wasn't a typical rope performance & poured all our energy into making something special.

Early 2017

Maybe the most demanding shoot we've ever done. The cold temps meant I had no pain tolerance, and cold bodies are not bendy. We had to keep the rope simple bc riggers hands also don't work well in the cold.

Tied and shot by @secondfloor_fet

Late 2017 (my 35th bday)

This was a really tough position to hold for more than a few seconds. The strain on my lower back was intense. I was pressing into the sand with my toes as much as I could to try to relieve some of the strain (cont.)

tied & shot by @secondfloor_fet

But also by this time, I also had enough body awareness to know what my back could & couldn't take, and I also knew that if the strain became too much, at any moment, I could lift one leg (or both to go into an inversion) to relieve some pressure, so I felt comfy pushing harder.

2018

Seeing this image amazes me because I wasn't feeling particularly strong at the time. I hadn't tied much in the past few months prior, and hadn't had much ability to do any strength or flexibility work either (cont.)

Tied by @secondfloor_fet
Shot by @tracimatlock

But I have a great partner who knows my body and abilities well.

Sometimes I forget how slow and gradual this journey has been. I didn't build the strength that I have overnight, it's come through years of growth and work and learning how to actively engage my body.

And all those years of work don't just go out the door if I have a rough few months where my mental health is in the toilet I can't find energy to do yoga.

Plus, muscle bulk comes and goes, but the insight that I've gain from years of practicing body awareness can last forever.

My body has undergone a lot of changes in the time that I've been doing rope. I probably weigh a little bit more now than I did 4 years ago though I try not to pay much attention to the scale because it's not a particularly good indicator of physical health.

I've got a lot more muscle in places that used to be soft. A lot of clothes I had back then don't fit anymore b/c dem gainz in my thighs and booty.

I eat differently now-more protein for muscles and I don't feel guilty about carbs because my body needs fuel to do hard things.

I also feel aches and pains that one would expect to have in a body thats been pushed hard. My right shoulder gives me a lot of shit. My right ankle bothers me sometimes. But also I feel the aches of an aging body. My knees and other joints hurt when it gets cold.

I'm not really sure I'm trying to make a particular point in all of this, I just wanted to talk some about body image stuff and my own particular journey with my body in rope.

I know its easy to look at photos of ppl doing amazing things & feel discouraged or like you aren't good enough.

But, wherever you are now is where you are supposed to be. It's totally fine to have goals, but the journey, not the destination, is where the growth & the fun live.